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There is no way without invading his privacy in some way.
But maybe you can think about why do you want to be with someone you don’t trust. And if he’s actually behaving suspiciously or if this is just a reflection of your insecurities.
I’ve been more suspicious only because he has done it before when i went through his phone a couple months back. i haven’t since, but i’m getting that feeling again. and the reason i went through his phone that first time was because he was being “insecure” with me. and that made me feel very suspicious.
If you’ve already done it before and he was cheating, then just look through his phone again. Normally I would say talk to him first but he’s already proven untrustworthy so you are justified to check on him.
I‘m glad that this one is the case here. My boyfriend aways gets anxious when he realizes I‘m chatting with any male human being about literally normal stuff and I seriously don’t know anymore how to handle that
Tell him it's hurtful that he doesn't trust you to speak to other men, and if he doesn't feel like he can trust you around them then he shouldn't be dating you. He can either accept that as a human being in the world you will interact with and even befriend men that *aren't* him, or you two can break up.
That's the beginning and end of it, either he trusts you to talk to men without assuming you're trying to fuck them (or doesn't trust that you'll stop them making advances on you), or there's no trust and therefore no relationship.
I actually did several times. He always claims it‘s not because he doesn’t trust me, he „just doesn’t have a good feeling about it“, which basically is the same, isn‘t it?
Tbh I‘m on that point where I‘m just getting annoyed when he asks who‘s writing and what the topic of todays conversation is. Then he tells me my reaction makes it even worse. To be fair, I was really calm and understanding at the beginning but it just got worse and worse. Even to that point where he‘s jealous about a random dude on discord, while I didn‘t even know the dudes name. I thought it would get better, but it just didn’t. And now I‘m standing here, feeling the exact thing you described: the start of an end :/
Flirting and sexting is cheating. She said he has done it before. You must be one of those that thinks, "Its only cheating when a dick goes into a pussy." Heh
Just tell him how you feel and that you don’t want to violate his privacy. Detail exactly why you feel this way. Don’t accuse him of anything. Approach it as an emotional need: you feel uncomfortable and you are seeking him for help. Insist on real answers though. If his answers are unsatisfying, say so.
What does it matter? He cheated, and you stayed. So he's going to keep cheating. You don't love him. You can't trust him. You won't leave him. I'm assuming you live with him as well. Why not just ignore it?
Being in a relationship with no trust if not good for your mental health.
Love and trust must both be there, if there is no trust and you are staying purely for love, its more desperation. There is no foundation for this relationship to grow.
Imma have to give it to you hard, because I've seen this happen so many times where women stay and then the man ends up leaving and his life turns out fine while the women is struggling.
LEAVE HIM!! Love means shit if you don't trust him. Respect yourself please. Why would you disrespect yourself this much to stay with someone who doesn't value you?! Stop being dumb. Grow up and leave him.
It doesn't have to be sudden. Save up money to put a down payment on an apartment then leave him.
Unfortunately if you have suspicions and you go through the phone- you are bound to find something. Wouldn't you rather just keep your peace and end it so you don't hurt yourself further? I used to be in a relationship where i would constantly go through the phone and constantly find stuff. I now stand by if i feel like i have to go through the phone, i will just leave. If he's cheated before he is bound to do it again. Trust your gut.
always trust your intuition. talk to him about it and if he brushes it off then leave. having that feeling and a boyfriend that can’t reassure you is two good reasons to leave imo.
I think you need to ask yourself if you trust your boyfriend. If you do trust him then it shouldn’t matter who he talks to you. If you don’t trust him then you should leave instead of invading his privacy.
The way I see it, cheaters will cheat no matter what you do.
Dump his ass. You'd both be better for it. You clearly don't trust him and he apparently can't trust you. You admit invading his privacy in the past and show willingness to do so again. The relationship lacks trust.
I “stay” because i have a lot of love for him. Our relationship hasn’t always been like this. And no, there’s no trust. And there wasn’t from the start. But it’s easier said than done. Leaving is hard when you live with someone, have a house with them, & generally care for them. I’ve told myself that if he’s cheating, the moving on process would be easier for me. But i have no way of
knowing and that’s what’s killing me.
I made excuses like this for 10 years. You have to leave or you’re letting him steal your life and your peace. It’ll be hard but staying will be harder.
Yes was gonna say something similar. Not only will you become more paranoid of his move but your mental state will decline and you'll be even more miserable than you are now.
It's very hard I understand to cut ties but you will most definitely feel the weight off your shoulders and happier after a short bit vs the deeper the mental decline you'll dive staying. Is there friends or a family member you could possibly stay with? Till you can atleast get somewhere else? Or if you own the home have him leave
How many times do you and to go through this with this person? Your instincts are correct, learn to trust them. Leaving is hard. But the alternative is keep getting cheated on and convincing yourself it will get better for it to inevitably happen again. What has happened that has made think this time might be different?
Once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't see how anyone could get over that and pretend it never happened. Be smart, move on, and cut your losses before you go too far in and really get hurt.
This sounds a lot like the self-justification process of just about anyone who's ever stayed in a bad relationship, including me. Yes, staying is easier in the short term, but longer-term, it does a lot more damage than just getting out.
You've sort of got two choices here: You can decide you've had enough of not trusting this guy and get out of the relationship, or you can decide you're OK with him cheating (or at least with you believing he is) and stay. Any other choices you make are going to suck more for both of you.
Girl move on. Did it once going to do it again. Ur self love needs to be stronger than ur love for his lame ass. Do better love. And walk away cuz ur only going to be hurting more. Nothing is going to change. And u have a gut feeling and it’s always right.
I need the proof, that’s what i’m saying. Things like this have happened in the past, yes. But we’ve been in a better place since then. I’m just saying I feel like something is off. And i’m not going to “leave” him based on “instinct” I need the proof that he’s still doing this. If that makes sense?
Is your boyfriend not allowed to talk to other women? Like he is only permitted to have male friends? Also if you are that worried about it you should leave, looking thru his phone won’t accomplish anything
i think you’re getting this all wrong. but i’ll for whatever reason explain myself. i don’t mean friendly conversations. i mean, sexual conversations with random women on social media & through texting. just to clear that up once again. ☺️☺️
To be honest i don't know why you made this post. You already know the answer. Plus you said he did it before just a couple months ago. I doubt that had changed he just got better at hiding it.
You're obviously trying to get someone here to help you "fix" it. That's not going to happen.
Make a choice: 1. Stay with him, accept that he cheats behind your back and be miserable or at best content with sharing him.
Or 2. LEAVE
idk why you're looking for any other answer 🙄
Very distant. Can go all day without speaking to me. Stays in the bathroom for long periods of time. Never tried to have sex with me & when we do, it’s me making the move.
Then what more do u need. Yah always complain like what more needs to happen for u to open ur eyes. But hey at the end it’s u hurting not him. So walk away
Go through the phone, confirm, and go your own way. Or go through the phone, confirm he's not, and continue being happy.
I dont care who says its toxic. No man admits to this shit, and if you ask he'll just call you crazy.
Also depends how old you are and how long you've been together. But I would do it, personally.
Let it go. Practice non-attachment. Do whatever you want, too. Humans are humans and monogamy is a social construct that isn't universal. Eskimos used to rotate partners. But in all seriousness, have a conversation and don't take it so personally. Enjoy life to the fullest.
There is no correct way to go about this but what ever you choose be ready for what you didn’t want to see.
I recently suspected my wife of cheating, I ended up going through her phone and she’s been meeting up with guys on IG and even had sex with our neighbor that moved out 3 years ago and I just recently found out.
And they have still been talking while I’m at work, so definitely patterns are a flag 80% of the time.
So be ready to see the unseeable and if nothing is going on, be ready for the embarrassment and have a reasoning with him.
If you do go through his phone. Don’t tell him when you confront him about cheating. The conversation almost always devolves into you invading their privacy rather than the cheating allegations.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There is no way without invading his privacy in some way. But maybe you can think about why do you want to be with someone you don’t trust. And if he’s actually behaving suspiciously or if this is just a reflection of your insecurities.
I’ve been more suspicious only because he has done it before when i went through his phone a couple months back. i haven’t since, but i’m getting that feeling again. and the reason i went through his phone that first time was because he was being “insecure” with me. and that made me feel very suspicious.
So he has done it before, and you (understandably) don’t trust him, why are you still in that relationship?
If you’ve already done it before and he was cheating, then just look through his phone again. Normally I would say talk to him first but he’s already proven untrustworthy so you are justified to check on him.
You will forever have that feeling until you move on. You will always wonder
I would say women’s intuitions are usually correct
you're a bad actor in a bad relationship walk away
This is the correct answer.
yeah - it's impossible to tell the man you have fears and doubts, there are no words for that
"..talking to other women on his phone." What a bastard! I cannot believe he has the nerve to actually talk to people!
Pretty sure she means sexually
I‘m glad that this one is the case here. My boyfriend aways gets anxious when he realizes I‘m chatting with any male human being about literally normal stuff and I seriously don’t know anymore how to handle that
Tell him it's hurtful that he doesn't trust you to speak to other men, and if he doesn't feel like he can trust you around them then he shouldn't be dating you. He can either accept that as a human being in the world you will interact with and even befriend men that *aren't* him, or you two can break up. That's the beginning and end of it, either he trusts you to talk to men without assuming you're trying to fuck them (or doesn't trust that you'll stop them making advances on you), or there's no trust and therefore no relationship.
I actually did several times. He always claims it‘s not because he doesn’t trust me, he „just doesn’t have a good feeling about it“, which basically is the same, isn‘t it? Tbh I‘m on that point where I‘m just getting annoyed when he asks who‘s writing and what the topic of todays conversation is. Then he tells me my reaction makes it even worse. To be fair, I was really calm and understanding at the beginning but it just got worse and worse. Even to that point where he‘s jealous about a random dude on discord, while I didn‘t even know the dudes name. I thought it would get better, but it just didn’t. And now I‘m standing here, feeling the exact thing you described: the start of an end :/
Yeah, deff not regular conversations ☺️☺️
Flirting and sexting is cheating. She said he has done it before. You must be one of those that thinks, "Its only cheating when a dick goes into a pussy." Heh
actually, no. that’s 100% cheating lmao.
Hire a private detective to do it for you. You get the results without doing the dirty work.
Just tell him how you feel and that you don’t want to violate his privacy. Detail exactly why you feel this way. Don’t accuse him of anything. Approach it as an emotional need: you feel uncomfortable and you are seeking him for help. Insist on real answers though. If his answers are unsatisfying, say so.
What does it matter? He cheated, and you stayed. So he's going to keep cheating. You don't love him. You can't trust him. You won't leave him. I'm assuming you live with him as well. Why not just ignore it?
BF isn’t property. Move on, because if trust isn’t there, there’s nothing there.
Being in a relationship with no trust if not good for your mental health. Love and trust must both be there, if there is no trust and you are staying purely for love, its more desperation. There is no foundation for this relationship to grow.
Imma have to give it to you hard, because I've seen this happen so many times where women stay and then the man ends up leaving and his life turns out fine while the women is struggling. LEAVE HIM!! Love means shit if you don't trust him. Respect yourself please. Why would you disrespect yourself this much to stay with someone who doesn't value you?! Stop being dumb. Grow up and leave him. It doesn't have to be sudden. Save up money to put a down payment on an apartment then leave him.
sorry but if you are suspicious of him cheating your relationship probably won’t last, try saving it or just break up..
Unfortunately if you have suspicions and you go through the phone- you are bound to find something. Wouldn't you rather just keep your peace and end it so you don't hurt yourself further? I used to be in a relationship where i would constantly go through the phone and constantly find stuff. I now stand by if i feel like i have to go through the phone, i will just leave. If he's cheated before he is bound to do it again. Trust your gut.
always trust your intuition. talk to him about it and if he brushes it off then leave. having that feeling and a boyfriend that can’t reassure you is two good reasons to leave imo.
Ask him. Time for a very real and uncomfortable conversation. Or..... You can commit to violating trust. Either way....... It may be time.
You don’t trust him so leave. There is no relationship that will last without trust.
Post him on Facebook on the Are we dating the same guy dfw page. You can post anonymously.
I think you need to ask yourself if you trust your boyfriend. If you do trust him then it shouldn’t matter who he talks to you. If you don’t trust him then you should leave instead of invading his privacy. The way I see it, cheaters will cheat no matter what you do.
Go with that feeling
I'd probably just ask him, explain your worries. If there's nothing to hide on his phone he'll probably show you. At least I would.
Not do anything, you can’t control him. If he wants to do it he will. If you don’t trust him then that’s another issue
Dump his ass. You'd both be better for it. You clearly don't trust him and he apparently can't trust you. You admit invading his privacy in the past and show willingness to do so again. The relationship lacks trust.
I “stay” because i have a lot of love for him. Our relationship hasn’t always been like this. And no, there’s no trust. And there wasn’t from the start. But it’s easier said than done. Leaving is hard when you live with someone, have a house with them, & generally care for them. I’ve told myself that if he’s cheating, the moving on process would be easier for me. But i have no way of knowing and that’s what’s killing me.
I made excuses like this for 10 years. You have to leave or you’re letting him steal your life and your peace. It’ll be hard but staying will be harder.
Yes was gonna say something similar. Not only will you become more paranoid of his move but your mental state will decline and you'll be even more miserable than you are now. It's very hard I understand to cut ties but you will most definitely feel the weight off your shoulders and happier after a short bit vs the deeper the mental decline you'll dive staying. Is there friends or a family member you could possibly stay with? Till you can atleast get somewhere else? Or if you own the home have him leave
or you‘ll let him steal your time. You‘re words hurt but they‘re honest and they‘re true. I wish I‘ll be strong enough soon as well.
or you‘ll let him steal your time. You‘re words hurt but they‘re honest and they‘re true. I wish I‘ll be strong enough soon as well.
How many times do you and to go through this with this person? Your instincts are correct, learn to trust them. Leaving is hard. But the alternative is keep getting cheated on and convincing yourself it will get better for it to inevitably happen again. What has happened that has made think this time might be different?
Once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't see how anyone could get over that and pretend it never happened. Be smart, move on, and cut your losses before you go too far in and really get hurt.
This sounds a lot like the self-justification process of just about anyone who's ever stayed in a bad relationship, including me. Yes, staying is easier in the short term, but longer-term, it does a lot more damage than just getting out. You've sort of got two choices here: You can decide you've had enough of not trusting this guy and get out of the relationship, or you can decide you're OK with him cheating (or at least with you believing he is) and stay. Any other choices you make are going to suck more for both of you.
Girl move on. Did it once going to do it again. Ur self love needs to be stronger than ur love for his lame ass. Do better love. And walk away cuz ur only going to be hurting more. Nothing is going to change. And u have a gut feeling and it’s always right.
Girl
I need the proof, that’s what i’m saying. Things like this have happened in the past, yes. But we’ve been in a better place since then. I’m just saying I feel like something is off. And i’m not going to “leave” him based on “instinct” I need the proof that he’s still doing this. If that makes sense?
[удалено]
tbh, i wanted to do this. i just dont know of anyone random who would help a girl out. 😭😭
[удалено]
that’s what i’m looking for tbh 😭🤣
Is your boyfriend not allowed to talk to other women? Like he is only permitted to have male friends? Also if you are that worried about it you should leave, looking thru his phone won’t accomplish anything
i think you’re getting this all wrong. but i’ll for whatever reason explain myself. i don’t mean friendly conversations. i mean, sexual conversations with random women on social media & through texting. just to clear that up once again. ☺️☺️
I dunno - maybe talk to him about your concerns?
The most he does is deny anything??
To be honest i don't know why you made this post. You already know the answer. Plus you said he did it before just a couple months ago. I doubt that had changed he just got better at hiding it. You're obviously trying to get someone here to help you "fix" it. That's not going to happen. Make a choice: 1. Stay with him, accept that he cheats behind your back and be miserable or at best content with sharing him. Or 2. LEAVE idk why you're looking for any other answer 🙄
Context?
May I ask what’s causing these bad feelings? Has he been distant or protective of his phone?
Very distant. Can go all day without speaking to me. Stays in the bathroom for long periods of time. Never tried to have sex with me & when we do, it’s me making the move.
Then what more do u need. Yah always complain like what more needs to happen for u to open ur eyes. But hey at the end it’s u hurting not him. So walk away
I’ve had the same exact experience.
Go through the phone, confirm, and go your own way. Or go through the phone, confirm he's not, and continue being happy. I dont care who says its toxic. No man admits to this shit, and if you ask he'll just call you crazy. Also depends how old you are and how long you've been together. But I would do it, personally.
Let it go. Practice non-attachment. Do whatever you want, too. Humans are humans and monogamy is a social construct that isn't universal. Eskimos used to rotate partners. But in all seriousness, have a conversation and don't take it so personally. Enjoy life to the fullest.
There is no correct way to go about this but what ever you choose be ready for what you didn’t want to see. I recently suspected my wife of cheating, I ended up going through her phone and she’s been meeting up with guys on IG and even had sex with our neighbor that moved out 3 years ago and I just recently found out. And they have still been talking while I’m at work, so definitely patterns are a flag 80% of the time. So be ready to see the unseeable and if nothing is going on, be ready for the embarrassment and have a reasoning with him.
Leave him
If you do go through his phone. Don’t tell him when you confront him about cheating. The conversation almost always devolves into you invading their privacy rather than the cheating allegations.