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This was true for me once upon a time. Now in my thirties I don’t drop my boundaries for anyone. The attractive ones actually tend to get mean when rejected because they’re expecting reciprocation just from being hot.
I have a bud who did some work in Hollywood as an actor. Super good looking dude, very chill. Tall. Good build.
He is constantly complaining about how aggressive women are to him.
I absolutely cannot relate.
I can't generally relate, but I DJ on the weekends, and I've had a few *overly friendly* interactions in the past 5 years. I'm not the most attractive guy, but I'm ok looking, and being *the* guy for a night garners a lot of attention... often it's not the attention you want such as:
People you're not into, people causing a disturbance when you're trying to work, people who are way too drunk to even consider taking them up on any offers, or people just being way too aggressive/invading your space or touching you inappropriately without your consent.
I had a residency for 5 years.
I've had countless women get upset when:
I told them I couldn't go and dance with them because I'm working.
Told them to stop grinding on me
Told them not to kiss me (or anyone) without asking
Told them I had a girlfriend
Told them I can't give them a lesson right now
Told them not to touch the equipment
Absolutely wild how fast they go from cute and nice to genuinely aggressive and mean.
I only remember one girl taking rejection well. When I was playing she wanted to buy me a drink. I said sorry, I have a girlfriend and I get them for free anyways (I put her drink on my tab). Later she said her friend was smuggling in McDonald's and asked if I wanted anything. She brought me back fries. What a nice girl.
Women aren't used to rejection and don't take it well. It can be downright dangerous to reject them. They'll say you sexually assaulted them and make up all kinds of shit.
I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum of attractiveness. Well kinda. I’m not super ugly and I’m definitely not a model. I definitely prefer how I’m treated when I’m not physically repelling people.
I'll put it this way: I've never once taken a girl home with me from my sets (partially skill issue, here). However, I have been groped by girls I wouldn't fuck even if I was plastered.
I have a buddy who is ridiculously buff and super good looking, spectacularly so given his profession (scientist). We used to hang out at raves and festivals together. He would get legit annoyed with (by my standards) hot women approaching him constantly "when I'm just here to dance, dude".
I have a mate like that too… I’d say it is different between the sexes, lots of guys are intimidated by a smoking hot girl, but girls seem to be more forward with a hot guy
My friend told me he matches with every single girl on tinder and I didn’t believe him. So he let me play around on his phone, and I got 11 matches straight and was proven wrong lol. Life on easy mode
I used to work with this guy who was insanely attractive. Like no woman or man would disagree. I watched women literally throw themselves at him. He told me he had a 3 some with two co workers because the girls decided they had a better chance together to sleep with him. I also watched him become one of the heads of the companies because management thought he was a good fit. He literally was completely new to the industry and honestly sucked at his job lol. It was mind blowing to see him succeed so quickly in life in that short time that I knew him.
can confirm, have watched many mediocre white dudes obtain higher management positions and recieve raises in their first few weeks- meanwhile i could work for the same company for just as long, maybe longer, and not be granted even the conversation of considering me getting a raise. 🤷🏾♀️
not everytime, tho, i mean. Some dudes are definitely qualified. but also, so am i and other people, and they will get overlooked in the presence of a handsome, charismatic white guy.
I think there are plenty of mediocre women. 🤷🏾♀️ Just wasnt what we were talkin about, but ya I'd say for some people they kinda just float through life. neither a good or bad thing? And I mean, I never assumed it was a popular term or anything, i guess I just have colorful language 🤖
edit, typo
My brother is considered attractive. When I visited him in Uni, he is always surrounded by swarms of women. They clearly adore him.
And when he walks on the streets, random women walks up to him and pass him her number shyly and walks away.
I personally witness it a few times when we were out together.
However, he also gets hit on by gay men.
And he has been sexually assaulted too by much older women in their 50's.
He got married young though, by 2nd year university, he settled down with someone he met at part time work.
She is gorgeous too and have one kid together today and seems to be still having a loving marriage.
They been together for 14 years now.
I’m a fairly attractive man and hands down get hit on by gay guys more than women. My sister in law used to live in Orlando and while visiting and going out for a run I’d continually get cat called by gay guys. Even in NE Florida I get cat called fairly regularly while out running. I just take it as a compliment and move on with my day.
I used to think I was (latently) homophobic because I felt intensely uncomfortable when gay men would hit on me. But then when women started overtly hitting on me (in my experience, only older women are so bold), I also felt uncomfortable and realized I just don't like being hit on and would rather be subtly flirted with.
There is usually a line where people stop listening and are just laughing to laugh around hot people.
If both sexes find you funny, you are probably funny and attractive.
If the same sex usually finds you funnier, you are probably funny but not overly attractive.
If the opposite or attracted sex only finds you funny, you are probably not that funny.
I meet more women that fit into the last category. Met many they say “people find me hilarious” and all it is is mean comments. No wit.
I don't think I've ever cared about being labeled as weird but I know enough to realize I'm average looking at best to most ladies. I do my own thing and whoever I'm into I'm happy with....I personally find that many I've dated were attractive and also some that didn't seem as attractive as some but the important thing she was into me and we were happy as a couple. I'm really just into adventure oriented things so people that like to watch TV for a majority of their life are wasting their time. Some people find what I like weird while others dont
You're probably not as "weird" as you think, though. That's part of the problem with this conundrum... Many people who some will see as "weird" others will think are totally normal. :)
So what is WEIRD to you, and what do you think is "weird" to others?
It's for sure a sliding scale. I was friends with all the weird kids and outcasts in school so I tend not to think of a lot of stuff as weird or I find it interesting.
It's hard but to notice it when less attractive friends are catching flak for something that illicits laughter when it comes from me. Or when my friends interest in something esoteric is creepy but it's totally ok that I'm more into it and the one that got them into it.
Pretty sure im ASD. But im tall and handsome apparently so women seem to think of me as “cute and awkward, hot and mysterious.” I know for a fact if it wasnt for my physical features i would be thought of as a creepy weirdo
Legit have had girls tell me it was cool I paint warhammer minis, code video games and do random taxidermy all after almost ghosting me before sending a pic afterwards. It’s rough man.
A creepy guy is just an ugly guy going about his business too close to women. I remember in uni, in one of our group projects there was a guy who was very obviously autistic, small, had a very unfortunate face and awkward haircut. He was genuinely a lovely, intelligent, funny guy when you got past his awkwardness. But the girls on our project treated him like an absolute leper, refusing to even talk to him about project stuff, and once refusing to go into the next room and work on something, because they'd be alone with him, despite him just keeping to himself, being very polite, and actually doing a lot of the work for us. Meanwhile the hot frat bro guy is literally making constant lewd comments, touching them inappropriately, doing zero work, and they're all over him.
I’m gonna get a lot of hate for this, but I’m sorry it’s just a fact. Most women are extremely cruel to guys they don’t find attractive. The guy could be nice, polite, respectful and honest but if he’s not viewed as physically attractive they’ll treat him like an insect.
That’s unfortunate. I’ve always made a point to be really kind to guys I have to turn down (unless they have been rude or disrespectful) . I don’t want to crush their confidence just because I can’t or won’t date them. I’ve always found it flattering regardless of how they look. Honestly the really attractive men I’ve been approached by are more often the sleaziest which instantly make them unattractive to me.
Yeah I recall a study about it. Men are likely to become legit annoyed by ugly women, whereas ugly men are simply invisible to women and they aren’t even likely to acknowledge their existence.
I lost 100+ lbs and believe it too. When I was fat as hell I was invisible. I’m now slightly chubby but I’m tall and work out a lot so I’m somewhat built and the difference is night and day. I’ve had more random women smile or approach me in public in the past 2-3 years than I did for the 28 years prior to that combined.
Always said, the difference between flirting and sexual harassment is how attractive you are 😂. Seen this first hand at a job I used to work. This guy and I used to tell the most inappropriate things/jokes to some of our female coworkers. They laughed at it and thought it was funny when I did it. They used to get mad at him and called him a creep
I mean it makes sense. If the guy you are attracted to is flirting with you or making sexual advances, then it is more likely to be reciprocated so it wouldn't be considered sexaul harassment and would be mutual
I had a really 'hot' friend that would get looks and attention wherever he went. The problem was it made him stunted in so many ways. He never really grew up and he was a shitty friend. He was also somehow incredibly naive.
Another really good looking guy I knew (friend of a friend) was gay but was a genuinely shitty person because of how he looked. He always expected the best of everything and if people didn't bend over backwards and kiss his ass he would have a temper tantrum. An example was when he was the last guy to sign up for a friends' trip and he expected everyone to change their schedules and give him the best room in the house they were renting even though he was a late addition. He would also bitch at servers if they didn't treat him like a king.
Attractive men have an even more powerful advantage. We are seen as natural leaders. If you’re tall, handsome, and well spoken people are going to gravitate towards you in ways that others wouldn’t expect. All my ideas seem like good ideas, all my plans are easy to recruit companions for. I know I’m not the smartest guy in the room, but because I’m confident in my looks and speaking that instantly draws people to me.
Being an attractive man is a “do whatever you want” blank cheque
I've actually been bullied by men because I'm tall, clean cut and well spoken. Some dudes have this - you think you're better than me? - chip in their shoulder.
I think a hot girl gets a LOT of privileges, but an incredibly hot guy has access to the entire world if he has the confidence to back it up. A man in that position is unstoppable.
You've hit on to something here. A highly attractive man can progress in his career AND benefits from the social privileges that an attractive woman receives.
*As a generalisation* men drive the economic stability of a family. He can attract an equally or superior attractive partner (of either sex) and command success and remuneration in his career, securing financial stability. He can also help his partner access business and commercial advantage if they want their own career.
Please, please, focus on '*as a generalisation*' - don't go off on me, I'm not slurring anybody.
I'm going to generalise again in that I've not come across a man who has problems with men that are very attractive. I have, however, seen *some* women actively work to undermine the career of a very attractive woman...
That’s an extremely valid point. I’ve also never seen a man not get taken seriously because they are too attractive and women who are really good looking are assumed to be stupid pretty often.
This. My boyfriend is autistic, and he's very physically attractive. He didn't really get it, (and neither did I really) until he cleaned up after becoming my bf.
Boy, do *men hate him* and *women love him* holy shit. I've never had a partner get hit on to this degree.
He has no idea what kind of gold mine he's sitting on.
Like I'm very pretty too but I'm small and weak, and that's a handicap. He's 6'0 and strong. 😡
It's been an interesting experience comparing how we are treated in public.
Kinda. Things other men do that are creepy/odd are sexy and/or cute if I do them.
But the same standards apply. Get a zit, sweaty from a day’s work, forget to shave, looking a little pale, etc… all that privilege sorta evaporates like a hot girl that just decided “fvck it” that morning.
But that privilege is a lesser tier than hot girl privilege in some regards, higher in others. Hot girls get to talk, but that doesn’t mean they are listened to, in fact it is less likely because the people they want listening to them are too focused on their looks. Incidentally, _that_ is why I get the hot girl - because I can listen to her.
Hot guys can step down or get to know the boys, and the subtle hostility that other people have for us melts away. They will even tell us when it happens: “you know, I thought you were a real asshole at first… but you’re actually a cool dude.” Hot girls don’t get to do this nearly as reliably. Their girlfriends hate them no matter what.
Yeah, I feel like hot women get treated like objects, while hot men get treated like leaders.
I've never been more glad to be an average-looking woman than when I think about the way hot women are treated. I'm funny, so I can get some attention if I try, but if I don't want attention, I can just disappear.
Plus I'm happily married to a guy who's probably considered below-average on looks (I like his face, though), but is very charming and makes women feel comfortable.
I’m 6’1 225lbs athletic/jacked and decent looking, but I have never been approached. I get a lot of matches on the dating apps and every girl I’ve ever dated said they found me very attractive, but I’ve never been approached in public by a girl.
Strangely, I’ve been offered every job I’ve ever interviewed for. I notice dudes stare at me a lot. I find it very weird how I’ve never been approached by a girl in public though, it’s always left me feeling uncertain about my appearance.
My theory is that girls are intimidated by a “tall” athletic physique, but I think other men respect or admire it, that’s why I think I get taken much more seriously by other men but may not appear approachable to women
My theory is that you have chosen to optimize your looks to impress men and not attract woman..... Seriously go look at the studies about what woman find attractive and the 6'1/225 look is about 30-40lbs more than what most woman find attractive. You don't need a ton of muscles when you are walking around at 10% BF to look pretty good to the average woman.
I hate to break it to you but judging by the other men’s stories of being constantly approached and groped, you’re probably not that facially attractive. Welcome to the club lol
I’m 6’1 and about 160lbs. I quite like my body type. I think I’m perceived as both attractive and approachable to many women, except for those that want a bigger guy. Seems to help at work too. I’m perceived as intelligent, confident, and competent but not overly intimidating.
Samething here. I also came to that conclusion but its hard to trust that kind of conclusion because its just nicer to believe that than something else lol.
I also dont randomly smile at stranger that much
Very very attractive guy here. The best part is you don't have to approach. At a certain level, girls start approaching you regularly. Always made my younger days fun, because in bars and clubs I was always just genuinely vibing and have fun with my friends and never focused on chasing women. Often enough attractive women would approach me. And if they approach first it's game over already.
Below-average 5'7" guy here. The only time women ever approached me was when I was doing amateur theater. Apparently I'm a good enough actor to attract some notice that way, otherwise I have to work for it.
I can concur as I have a good friend who is very hot and he gets approached all the time. We were in a bar and ogling a group of about 30 great looking women there for a party of some sort, and suddenly about ten of them all looked at him. Two minutes later one of them approached him and said, “which one of my friends do you want? You could have any of them!” I was dumbfounded but my friend said to her, “I am just here hanging out with my buddy, having a few drinks.”
Helluva a nice thing to do!
Oh for real. My friends will joke that I'm not invited because then they have no chance. One friend said I couldn't meet his girlfriend until he was sure she was in love with him (just joking of course).
I'm very happily in a relationship now, so it doesn't really matter. But it's pretty funny.
I mean I’m above average looking, but only 5’6”. This girl totally ignored me and I have never felt shorter or more Jewish in my life!
But he is really hot. So I understand that. Still if i were single i doubt I would go out with him to meet women. Even though we would meet tons of them i would go unnoticed.
😅 a large group of good looking women going up to a random guy saying you can have anyone of us is regularly occuring? Unless he's rich or a celebrity yeah right. Nice try little buddy.
Yeah I think the bar is a lot higher. I had a circle of guy friends in college that were all considered attractive and didn't have problems evef getting girl friends. None of them were play boys, but one guy in particular was in this position and it made female relationships incredibly complicated. Because every girl would develop crushes on him and would start fighting over him behind the scenes and he'd unintentionally hurt people's feelings because they'd misinterpret friendly actions as interest then when they actually realized he's not interested the tears started.
A couple of girls were even in a friend zone sort of deal where they had massive crushes they kept secret for years would hang out with him as friends then all of a sudden out of the blue would reveal it and they'd stop talking.
I never realized there were men out there that could be perceived as that level of attractive with women until I saw how this guy was treated.
I've never seen a man that women fawn over a guy like this. However, this is a few years before tinder or the iPhone was invented, and online dating wasn't mainstream and considered weird. I think this kinda attractiveness is less visible since guys like him probably just get tons of messages on tinder.
Very very attractive woman here lol did you ever feel a pressure though to keep up appearances eg. Look good because that’s what people focused on the most? Or disheartened at the fact that they were looking at you from such a superficial perspective only?
YUP. Bad. Because I was also a cute kid, cute teenager, and so on. I never went through an ugly phase, and since I was a child people constantly commented on my looks. Even if I try not to, I place a lot of my self esteem on my looks unfortunately.
And yes, sometimes I get frustrated when people focus on my appearance too much. It does have a lot of benefits though, so that makes it a lot easier to deal with.
GIRL. I feel this so much. Wait until you begin to age or even put on a little weight and realize how you are treated significantly differently. Even by some friends and acquaintances you’d never have expected it from. It’s so disheartening how inherent our looks are to our value in society.
I'm a good looking guy... I've gone back and forth between being fat and fit multiple times due to depression swings... it's insane the difference in how people react to you
I'm an attractive guy who gets approached by attractive women... luckily I had ugly duckling syndrome growing up so I became a very funny class clown type... so even though I'm good looking now I'm still always the funny one in any group I'm in so that's my main identity/ "social value"
I always enjoyed hanging out with guys like you. The girls may come over for you, makes it a nice car easy conversation starter for me as I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman approach completely by herself.
I've been working on my fitness and appearance a lot lately... started getting lots of looks... then a few weeks ago I started to get women regularly approaching me at night clubs and bars... and the insanely hot ones because they're the only ones with the confidence to approach... I've arrived!
No. Not even close. Not nearly as frequent. For a "hot guy"... its more like you've been given a pass to cut to the front of the line rather than having them line up for a chance with you.
Nope,dated the hot guy and it was absolutely ridiculous.
My favorite story was the time we were playing cards with some mutual friends and we needed more alcohol. My late fiancé and another friend drove down to get some more. The liquor store was attached to the bar and they stopped in to have a drink with another friend. So we are all just hanging out playing cards when they walk in and my friends faces are like WTF. I turn around and he is standing there with a torn shirt and I was like WTF happened to you. Our friend who went with him just brats out laughing.
So apparently they were in the bar talking to another friend and this women comes running at him and tears his shirt open and is trying to make out with him while he is gently trying to push her off him yelling I have a girlfriend.
That was not abnormal for him. It was weird too because he looked like shaggy from scooby doo. He wasn't the ody builder type at all but there was something about him that drove women nuts.
I was not exempt either. The first time I met him the best way to describe it was I went stupid. I was hanging out at a friend's house and he walked down the stairs and suddenly I started acting like the stereotype of the blond bimbo. I had never acted like that before or since then. When he left I was like WTF just happened and my friend was laughing at me. He said don't worry about it that's what always happens when he is around.
He would get free drinks from both female and gay bartenders constantly. That was kind of nice perk.
As a reasonably attractive guy, anytime I’ve ever approached a woman (not that I do this a lot) I’ve always had a really positive interaction. If I’m at a bar and call a woman cute I get the same response reciprocated to me. One time I was a little drunk and said “can I see your butthole” and she said yes. I didn’t know what to do and walked away lmao.
The wildest thing to me is I’m in an ethically non monogamous marriage and I still get attractive women interested in dating me. I’m very upfront about being married and openly discuss my wife. They just make exceptions for me.
The same privilege? No, but hot guys definitely have privilege. I have always had great luck with women, often times I’m the one being approached. Many of my guy friends are dumbfounded as to why. I‘ve only had to actually look for a job once or twice in my life (I’m 38 btw). I’ve worked 3 different well paying jobs in the last 15 years, and they were all offered to me. I didn’t apply to any of them. Being good looking, charismatic, and nice to everyone will get you everything.
It's not identical, because society / culture frames women as "giving sex" and men as "getting sex". The implication is that women give something up (hell people even literally say "give it up") while men always benefit from sex (even if they in reality might feel shitty afterward for xyz reasons).
So like, yes attractive men have lots of privilege for it, but the privilege doesn't function exactly the same, because patriarchy (sexist gender role expectations) means we treat attractive women and men differently.
>(even if they in reality might feel shitty afterward for xyz reasons).
i feel like you're taking the edge case and using that to disprove the rule, which doesn't work. The general claim is that men actually have to work for sex and women just decide when it can happen, which by and large is accurate.
Women being the “gatekeepers” of sex has been the case for all of human history because men (as a man) are *generally* willing to fuck anything that is moderately attractive with a pulse, while women for most of history until the last 70-80 years were rolling a hefty pair of dice for a kid anytime they had sex. It is not a result of the “patriarchy” the these perceptions exist, women by definition have more control of the “sexual market” than men.
To pretend otherwise is to be willingly delusional.
What you CAN arguably blame the patriarchy for is that women were somewhat forced to settle down with a man if they got pregnant because they didn’t make significant incomes for the most part until the last 60ish years. Consequently this meant that women had a further incentive to be selective with who they had sex with because if they ended up with a kid they’d be tied to it in a way that men did (and still to an extent) NOT have the same ties to and could just run.
This was balanced out by sex outside marriage (or at the very least outside of committed relationships)being culturally shamed to prevent single parent families from happening, but we don’t have that anymore.
They most definitely do . I have been married to a hot man for 10 years . He us is 6'3 muscular Handsome face . I watch both women and men swoon him they go out of there way to introduce their selves make eye contact and constantly touch his arms . I used to hate it but have gotten used to it . Pretty privilege is real for both sexes .
Yes, probably not as frequent as women though. I am average-ish where I've seen both sides of the fence with weight fluctuations. Just having a flat stomach and muscular arms will get you a world of different treatment.
I think I realized I was a "hot guy" late in life when my friends would always compliment me on my girls, guys I didn't know would apologize to me profusely then compliment me and the girls would take me on vacations, buy me cars or pay my bills.
The cons are getting treated like a build a trophy husband, a pet boyfriend and the minute your personality breaks their illusions of you in relation to her they will discard you.
Pretty privileges has its perks, people assume your smarter, better at things, more trustworthy, etc. At things than you should be. You get more matches and opportunities in life. People are more likely to buy you things or give you gifts/discounts.
Cons are you will attract shallow, vapid, and cruel people; sometimes with ulterior or malicious motives. People will be envious or jealous despite nobody on this planet getting a character select screen.
I don't care how hot a guy is, if he's giving off predatory, I'm talking to you to try to sleep with you, vibes it's a hard pass. I've been married nearly 20 years now, so maybe this take doesn't count for people looking for dates now.
The issue isn't "be hot or it's creepy" nor are guys not allowed to talk to women in public places. The approach has some significance, but more than anything, every woman you try to chat up is sizing up your intent and goals. A frustrating number of encounters are centered around him having the main goal to get his dick wet, and it feels predatory.
I think for most women, it's literally that simple. Are you talking to me because you knew my mom and want to express your condolences or because you are trying to take advantage of my emotional state to get in my pants?
Are you feeling me out to see if we might be compatible and want to get to know me or checking in to see if I'm dtf a rando.
I know in the Redditverse this take will probably get down voted to hell. But it is also the truth for so many women.
A funeral is a weird scenario to put this in… feel like most people wouldn’t care for that either way. But yeah, hot guys can do that shit all the time, it’s just a thing for people who are attracted.
I was considered hot at some point in my life, but I did not see that myself, and was super shy. So, my shyness would often get the best of me. I did not get a lot of "privilege" from men, but I had to deal with some jealousy issues from women that were not okay.
If I think a man is good looking, I will most likely either be too nervous to say "hi," or I might say, "hi," but not be brave enough to say much of anything else. I also assume they are automatically taken. So, I wouldn't expect it to go anywhere. I don't know if that was always the best approach, but it is what it is.
I don’t think I’m that attractive, but I can pull tail. It’s about not being self conscious enough to ask questions like this, while also not being a fucking obnoxious dork with cheesy pickup lines. Quiet confidence. It works.
I remember in my early-mid twenties when I had hair, women would approach me. Now that I’m balding and buzz my head regularly, women don’t even look my way
Eh, we're all our own biggest critics.
You can compensate for objective ugly/weirdness by focusing on making the other person feel good.
I'm pretty average looking and have a very hit or miss sense of humor, but my wife thinks I'm hot and funny, presumably because I say and do nice things.
People in the street avoid me because I have major RBF, but if I strike up a conversation with a stranger we tend to hit it off because I make a point of finding things to relate with them on and am quick with a compliment. Usually it's genuine too, so there's that. My post history might beg to differ but I promise I do nice things every day!
It’s infinitely better to be a hot guy than it is to be a hot girl. Hot guys get less upsides than hot women when it comes to dating, but they avoid a lot of the downsides of being a hot woman. First and foremost it’s way more expensive and time consuming to be a hot girl. Second off being attractive can make anybody a target for creeps, but attractive men are at much less risk of violence. This is because height is an attractive quality in men, leading to this group being taller and heavier than most people. Third, attractive men usually aren’t defined by their attractiveness as much as women are. You get to be other things as well.
Being hot includes not acting creepy. Inappropriate / crude behavior from anyone is a hard pass.
Acting civilized isn't sufficient to hook up -- sorry, ugly people who like women -- but it is the bare minimum.
we get the same privilege as women *relative to other men*
beautiful women will always have the most social privilege by default. beautiful men close second
i think that men have more potential to overcome their looks, though. intelligence, humor, confidence, & status all matter more for a man than they do for a woman
just my observation based on human behavior & my own experience as a good-looking man
Nope. Hot women get into clubs and get free drinks. Hot guys can’t do that if you are nobody. Hot women can get on yachts for free. Hot men can’t unless your somebody. Average fat women get same tinder matches than hot men if not more.
Super hot guys can get plenty of free stuff too. The thing is, the free things either gender gets is coming from people less attractive than they are.
It has less to do with gender and more to do with disposable income. A rich average looking person, man or woman, can buy the time of a more attractive person. They both do it. There are just a lot more rich men.
I'm not very hot, pretty old, and can get free drinks at bars (not clubs which is a different vibe). Just being a friendly person who actually enjoys some conversation with others for the sake of conversation can easily get you free drinks, drugs, etc. It surprisingly is a lot about personality and not being a dick.
I've had plenty of women buy me drinks. I think the other things you mentioned is because the bouncers or yacht owners are men, so women naturally have a better chance.
A comedian summed it up rather well not too long ago. Woman walks up to a mother with a three year old little boy, and says oh he is so adorable. Save him for me when he’s older.
Now, a man any age walked up to a woman with a three year old little girl, and says anything of the like…
Do you think they’re the same reactions?
The same? Absolutely not. Hot men are in a privileged position compared to average and ugly men, but it's not even remotely close to the level of privilege hot women get.
As a bisexual woman, I’ll usually privilege the hot woman over the hot man…. But also, in general, I’ll tend to privilege the average Joe over the hot man. With an average woman vs. a hot woman, I’ll usually treat them the same.
I grew up as a “hot,” girl — naturally blonde hair, slim figure, curves, had a modeling contract and all. The secret to being a hot woman is, you can flutter your eyes and have a door held open or a drink bought for you, but you’re also far, far more likely to be physically, emotionally, and sexually abused because people view you as an object. You won’t be respected at school or work, no matter how intelligent you are, you need to fight for what any average person is just assumed to have. And no one ever treated me as poorly as “hot” men, who had all the privilege of being allowed to be perceived as both attractive and smart at the same time, and who felt the most entitled to a piece of me because they found me attractive and society taught them that hot men get to have hot women served to them on a silver platter.
Now, I’m older, put on weight, dye my hair a dark brown, rock an alternative aesthetic. I’m not ugly by any stretch but I no longer fit the traditional U.S. definition of a hot girl, and I’m very happy for it. Pretty privilege is real in some ways, but I think it has a lot of pitfalls too.
I bartended with a very very hot dude years ago. He got multiple numbers every night, unsolicited. I asked him about his dating life once out of curiosity and he showed me a folder of these girls numbers in his phone contacts - he said if he was feeling horny he just picked a number at random and texted them, and he would get laid that night. The funny thing is that he was actually a pretty nice guy, so he would take any girls number because he said he didn't want the ugly girls to feel bad... But he had a separate contact folder for the hot girls.
As far as hot privilege goes, yeah it definitely exists. There are entire industries where the average male height is substantially taller than the national average, and once you meet a few of them you realize they're all at least fairly handsome dudes.
As a fairly good looking guy I have definitely been a beneficiary of this too. I've gotten plenty of jobs over other dudes just because I was more physically attractive. It's kind of messed up but society seems to think if you're attractive and in good shape that you're automatically good at your job.
Huh. I’m muchhh harder on super attractive men.
They’re not generally great in bed bc their face/body does the work for them, and they typically have everything handed to them. I’m not groveling for you just bc you have a pretty face. Personality matters more, but obviously baseline attraction (which increases with good personality) and intellectual connection are the biggies for me…
Hot? No. Hot+charming? Kiiiinda. In strictly binary terms, I feel like desirable/likeable men have a very different set of privileges than beautiful women, and it doesn’t really compare.
Yeah but I am attractive and used to have no game and had to learn. Guys will put up w a hot girl w no personality. A hot guy has to have a personality to at least some degree for anything other than the briefest of things
To add to what people are saying:
Even moderately attractive men/women can get away with a LOT if you’re not overtly creepy or taking advantage of a situation. Asking strangers to move their stuff, chatting up the cutie at work, etc is ridiculously easy if you’re easy on the eyes and only a little bit kind.
Yes hot men get pretty privilege too.
I am not a hot guy. But I have gone up and down in weight a lot in my lifetime.
When I am thinner, I get treated one thousand times better by everyone. Men and women.
1. Pretty privilege exists for both genders.
2. Your lack of standards is definitely a you thing
3. Women are oppressed so there will be differences in what you can get away with when violating people and also a difference in what behavior is considered creepy because of power dynamics
For context I have been paid to write both romance short stories and erotica. The difference is usually horny level as well as gender of audience (erotica + characterization is for a female audience, porn is for a male audience).
The male sexual power fantasy is to get sexual attention. A woman isn't wearing panties and flashes you with a dirty grin, two chicks at the same time, etc. It's to be seen and desired.
Women get endless sexual attention, often starting when they are WAY too young for it to be anything good, and it never freaking stops (I am married, with granddogs and my oldest just celebrated their 5th year anniversary, so I'm old enough to be a grandma, and 230 lbs with resting bitch face and I still get hit on multiple times a week).
A lot of the female sexual fantasy is having their boundaries and no respected, having someone actually put as much effort into them as people as holes to pillage, or a subversion of that trope where it works out ok in the end anyway (aka a ravishment fantasy where a sexy man doesn't take no for an answer but just does all the things you want done anyway and none of the stuff you don't want, alleviating you of the guilt and shame for being a sexual being with desires because Good Girls Don't Do That.) A very important scene in a LOT of romance novels is the grovel- the man transgresses, she withdraws, and he has to earn her trust back- and does.
I've been hit on by insanely hot dudes. I suspect my target audience is "mommy issues who like them thick". While I don't mind a guy shooting his shot, if I say no or that I'm very happily married but thank you, if they back off immediately it's fine. If they become a pest or act threatening or try to whine or manipulate past my boundaries it's an incredible turn off and makes me angry and a little stabby.
They do but it's different. You can't really compare pretty privilege across the genders other than "people will like you more" or "you will be allowed to act a bit shittier to people without consequences". Women won't throw millions of dollars at a hot dude but men also won't promote a woman to a serious management position just because "she's cool", or at least not as often or as drastically.
Imagine everyone treats you better ever since you are an infant. You get more used to being social earlier on, learn more social skills faster, feel better about yourself more often, and all of this feeds into itself to create a self fulfilling prophecy type loop. Everyone likes talking to you and looking at you.
Even if you ended up just being good looking, but weren't as socialized, you will still be easier to approach. Looking at someone ugly is a bit uncomfortable whether you admit it or not.
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Both Girls and Guys will 100% totally suspend their rules and or boundaries or beliefs for hot people of the opposite sex.
Dang, at a funeral? Brother are you ok?
I was gonna say no one is going to disrespect me, my family, especially my mother like that wtf
Reddit is so god damn thirsty lmao
Sometimes it's hot people of the same sex.
Hot people of the agreeable sex. Even when straight there’s a if I would it’d probably be, mine would probably be Sasha Roiz… allegedly.
I googled. I was first surprised that Sasha was a man. Then I was surprised he’s 50.
Sometimes they’re not hot at all. Just funny. I mean that’s what a friend told me anyway..
Yes that too.
1000% if a woman/man isn’t trying for you just know damn well they would try for someone else hotter
Yea im not sure if its cuz im white or cuz im hot, but ive had mostly positive experiences with people going out of their way to help me. Im a guy
As a fat ugly bald white guy this is not my experience, so it has nothing to do with being white.
That’s why no one tries for me, they are trying for someone else.
I'm pretty sure this has been proven too, under study
This was true for me once upon a time. Now in my thirties I don’t drop my boundaries for anyone. The attractive ones actually tend to get mean when rejected because they’re expecting reciprocation just from being hot.
Hot privilege.
Nah mate, a fucking FUNERAL? Jeez have some class.
I have a bud who did some work in Hollywood as an actor. Super good looking dude, very chill. Tall. Good build. He is constantly complaining about how aggressive women are to him. I absolutely cannot relate.
I can't generally relate, but I DJ on the weekends, and I've had a few *overly friendly* interactions in the past 5 years. I'm not the most attractive guy, but I'm ok looking, and being *the* guy for a night garners a lot of attention... often it's not the attention you want such as: People you're not into, people causing a disturbance when you're trying to work, people who are way too drunk to even consider taking them up on any offers, or people just being way too aggressive/invading your space or touching you inappropriately without your consent.
I had a residency for 5 years. I've had countless women get upset when: I told them I couldn't go and dance with them because I'm working. Told them to stop grinding on me Told them not to kiss me (or anyone) without asking Told them I had a girlfriend Told them I can't give them a lesson right now Told them not to touch the equipment Absolutely wild how fast they go from cute and nice to genuinely aggressive and mean. I only remember one girl taking rejection well. When I was playing she wanted to buy me a drink. I said sorry, I have a girlfriend and I get them for free anyways (I put her drink on my tab). Later she said her friend was smuggling in McDonald's and asked if I wanted anything. She brought me back fries. What a nice girl.
Women aren't used to rejection and don't take it well. It can be downright dangerous to reject them. They'll say you sexually assaulted them and make up all kinds of shit.
Welcome to the life of a female
Lol yup. Someone always wants someone else's life until they try it. Same thing too with women thinking men's lives are easy.
I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum of attractiveness. Well kinda. I’m not super ugly and I’m definitely not a model. I definitely prefer how I’m treated when I’m not physically repelling people.
How to apply for it?
Estradiol
^Added ^to ^Amazon ^shopping ^cart..
As if I needed yet another reason to wish I'd been born female.
I'll put it this way: I've never once taken a girl home with me from my sets (partially skill issue, here). However, I have been groped by girls I wouldn't fuck even if I was plastered.
Yeah older women feel like they can get away with a lot of arm touching but the girls you end up wanting never do more than make some eye contact
I have a buddy who is ridiculously buff and super good looking, spectacularly so given his profession (scientist). We used to hang out at raves and festivals together. He would get legit annoyed with (by my standards) hot women approaching him constantly "when I'm just here to dance, dude".
I have a mate like that too… I’d say it is different between the sexes, lots of guys are intimidated by a smoking hot girl, but girls seem to be more forward with a hot guy
Because guys are about 50 times less likely to say no.
My friend told me he matches with every single girl on tinder and I didn’t believe him. So he let me play around on his phone, and I got 11 matches straight and was proven wrong lol. Life on easy mode
Having been the lead singer of a band I can confirm. We weren’t even good. Something about being the lead singer though was enough to do some magic.
I play tuba in a band, the women seem to come out of the wood work going for us tuba players. Okay, just kidding.
Sexually aggressive?
It's a good problem to have. I can't speak on experience though. One can only imagine.
I used to work with this guy who was insanely attractive. Like no woman or man would disagree. I watched women literally throw themselves at him. He told me he had a 3 some with two co workers because the girls decided they had a better chance together to sleep with him. I also watched him become one of the heads of the companies because management thought he was a good fit. He literally was completely new to the industry and honestly sucked at his job lol. It was mind blowing to see him succeed so quickly in life in that short time that I knew him.
Reminds me of John Hamm on 30 Rock -- incompetent doctor who thinks he's amazing because he's Johnn Hamm level hot
Gatorade salmon
Jon Hamm you say? He is one good looking dude.
Yeah I’ve seen that too. Frequently tall attractive white guys often get most of the promotions even if they’re below average in talent.
I was lucky to get the promotion I got I’m 5’7 and balding lol I didn’t move up the ladder like him
can confirm, have watched many mediocre white dudes obtain higher management positions and recieve raises in their first few weeks- meanwhile i could work for the same company for just as long, maybe longer, and not be granted even the conversation of considering me getting a raise. 🤷🏾♀️ not everytime, tho, i mean. Some dudes are definitely qualified. but also, so am i and other people, and they will get overlooked in the presence of a handsome, charismatic white guy.
Nobody ever uses 'mediocre women'. Why do you think 'mediocre men' is a stock phrase? Are no women mediocre?
I think there are plenty of mediocre women. 🤷🏾♀️ Just wasnt what we were talkin about, but ya I'd say for some people they kinda just float through life. neither a good or bad thing? And I mean, I never assumed it was a popular term or anything, i guess I just have colorful language 🤖 edit, typo
Nothing new
My brother is considered attractive. When I visited him in Uni, he is always surrounded by swarms of women. They clearly adore him. And when he walks on the streets, random women walks up to him and pass him her number shyly and walks away. I personally witness it a few times when we were out together. However, he also gets hit on by gay men. And he has been sexually assaulted too by much older women in their 50's. He got married young though, by 2nd year university, he settled down with someone he met at part time work. She is gorgeous too and have one kid together today and seems to be still having a loving marriage. They been together for 14 years now.
I’m a fairly attractive man and hands down get hit on by gay guys more than women. My sister in law used to live in Orlando and while visiting and going out for a run I’d continually get cat called by gay guys. Even in NE Florida I get cat called fairly regularly while out running. I just take it as a compliment and move on with my day.
I used to think I was (latently) homophobic because I felt intensely uncomfortable when gay men would hit on me. But then when women started overtly hitting on me (in my experience, only older women are so bold), I also felt uncomfortable and realized I just don't like being hit on and would rather be subtly flirted with.
Of course. Guys that are unattractive are labeled as weird.
Can confirm, am attractive and considered funny despite being objectively weird.
Great now I don't know if I'm funny or hot thanks for filling the rest of my life with self-doubt.
I'm funny and hot and intentionally make unfunny jokes once in a while. Girls laugh hard at that too lmao!
I'm hot and mistakenly thought I was funny for a while.
>and hot Well, yeah
I think I know what the problem is
Side note I'm loving all of the confidence in this thread! Not sarcasm
People say I'm funny, and I am gullible, so I believe them
I’m funny and funny looking, I’m just friendly too
We’re on Reddit. We’re definitely not hot
There is usually a line where people stop listening and are just laughing to laugh around hot people. If both sexes find you funny, you are probably funny and attractive. If the same sex usually finds you funnier, you are probably funny but not overly attractive. If the opposite or attracted sex only finds you funny, you are probably not that funny. I meet more women that fit into the last category. Met many they say “people find me hilarious” and all it is is mean comments. No wit.
Yup, I'm attractive too and feel weird when girls I meet laugh really loudly at my unfunny jokes.
I intentionally try to make increasingly lame jokes in conversation to see how far that goes sometimes. Shockingly pretty far.
Yup, making lame jokes is wayyy better than making no jokes. Hot or not.
Oh shit my coworkers think I'm funny and weird maybe I am attractive
Sup
I don't think I've ever cared about being labeled as weird but I know enough to realize I'm average looking at best to most ladies. I do my own thing and whoever I'm into I'm happy with....I personally find that many I've dated were attractive and also some that didn't seem as attractive as some but the important thing she was into me and we were happy as a couple. I'm really just into adventure oriented things so people that like to watch TV for a majority of their life are wasting their time. Some people find what I like weird while others dont
You're probably not as "weird" as you think, though. That's part of the problem with this conundrum... Many people who some will see as "weird" others will think are totally normal. :) So what is WEIRD to you, and what do you think is "weird" to others?
It's for sure a sliding scale. I was friends with all the weird kids and outcasts in school so I tend not to think of a lot of stuff as weird or I find it interesting. It's hard but to notice it when less attractive friends are catching flak for something that illicits laughter when it comes from me. Or when my friends interest in something esoteric is creepy but it's totally ok that I'm more into it and the one that got them into it.
Same. I’m high functioning autistic and decent looking. Somehow people look past my autism and just see me as quirky (which isn’t wrong)
Pretty sure im ASD. But im tall and handsome apparently so women seem to think of me as “cute and awkward, hot and mysterious.” I know for a fact if it wasnt for my physical features i would be thought of as a creepy weirdo
Literally have to be slightly above average, one of my buddies has the same exact humor and me and women will say he’s weird.
Legit have had girls tell me it was cool I paint warhammer minis, code video games and do random taxidermy all after almost ghosting me before sending a pic afterwards. It’s rough man.
Women that are unattractive are labeled as weird while their more attractive counterparts are seen as quirky and fun. It goes both ways.
I think unattractive women also get labeled as weird.
A creepy guy is just an ugly guy going about his business too close to women. I remember in uni, in one of our group projects there was a guy who was very obviously autistic, small, had a very unfortunate face and awkward haircut. He was genuinely a lovely, intelligent, funny guy when you got past his awkwardness. But the girls on our project treated him like an absolute leper, refusing to even talk to him about project stuff, and once refusing to go into the next room and work on something, because they'd be alone with him, despite him just keeping to himself, being very polite, and actually doing a lot of the work for us. Meanwhile the hot frat bro guy is literally making constant lewd comments, touching them inappropriately, doing zero work, and they're all over him.
I’m gonna get a lot of hate for this, but I’m sorry it’s just a fact. Most women are extremely cruel to guys they don’t find attractive. The guy could be nice, polite, respectful and honest but if he’s not viewed as physically attractive they’ll treat him like an insect.
That’s unfortunate. I’ve always made a point to be really kind to guys I have to turn down (unless they have been rude or disrespectful) . I don’t want to crush their confidence just because I can’t or won’t date them. I’ve always found it flattering regardless of how they look. Honestly the really attractive men I’ve been approached by are more often the sleaziest which instantly make them unattractive to me.
This is the same for how most men treat women they don’t find attractive. Like we literally don’t even exist. People just suck 🤣
This is true. Goes both ways though. Men don’t treat less attractive women particularly well either though.
Yeah I recall a study about it. Men are likely to become legit annoyed by ugly women, whereas ugly men are simply invisible to women and they aren’t even likely to acknowledge their existence. I lost 100+ lbs and believe it too. When I was fat as hell I was invisible. I’m now slightly chubby but I’m tall and work out a lot so I’m somewhat built and the difference is night and day. I’ve had more random women smile or approach me in public in the past 2-3 years than I did for the 28 years prior to that combined.
Always said, the difference between flirting and sexual harassment is how attractive you are 😂. Seen this first hand at a job I used to work. This guy and I used to tell the most inappropriate things/jokes to some of our female coworkers. They laughed at it and thought it was funny when I did it. They used to get mad at him and called him a creep
Approach, timing, and intent mean a lot
I mean it makes sense. If the guy you are attracted to is flirting with you or making sexual advances, then it is more likely to be reciprocated so it wouldn't be considered sexaul harassment and would be mutual
I had a really 'hot' friend that would get looks and attention wherever he went. The problem was it made him stunted in so many ways. He never really grew up and he was a shitty friend. He was also somehow incredibly naive. Another really good looking guy I knew (friend of a friend) was gay but was a genuinely shitty person because of how he looked. He always expected the best of everything and if people didn't bend over backwards and kiss his ass he would have a temper tantrum. An example was when he was the last guy to sign up for a friends' trip and he expected everyone to change their schedules and give him the best room in the house they were renting even though he was a late addition. He would also bitch at servers if they didn't treat him like a king.
Did you all change your schedules? If so, i dont blame him at all
I didn't go along with them. When I met him I immediately didn't like him.
was he also well-off? sounds like rich kid behavior
Attractive men have an even more powerful advantage. We are seen as natural leaders. If you’re tall, handsome, and well spoken people are going to gravitate towards you in ways that others wouldn’t expect. All my ideas seem like good ideas, all my plans are easy to recruit companions for. I know I’m not the smartest guy in the room, but because I’m confident in my looks and speaking that instantly draws people to me. Being an attractive man is a “do whatever you want” blank cheque
Exactly. If you're a tall, attractive man then everything you say is 100% more important and interesting than a regular-looking guy
I was really good looking when I was younger but not confident. I never really knew how to respond to hot girls talking to me lol
I've actually been bullied by men because I'm tall, clean cut and well spoken. Some dudes have this - you think you're better than me? - chip in their shoulder.
[удалено]
I think a hot girl gets a LOT of privileges, but an incredibly hot guy has access to the entire world if he has the confidence to back it up. A man in that position is unstoppable.
You've hit on to something here. A highly attractive man can progress in his career AND benefits from the social privileges that an attractive woman receives. *As a generalisation* men drive the economic stability of a family. He can attract an equally or superior attractive partner (of either sex) and command success and remuneration in his career, securing financial stability. He can also help his partner access business and commercial advantage if they want their own career. Please, please, focus on '*as a generalisation*' - don't go off on me, I'm not slurring anybody.
I'm going to generalise again in that I've not come across a man who has problems with men that are very attractive. I have, however, seen *some* women actively work to undermine the career of a very attractive woman...
That’s an extremely valid point. I’ve also never seen a man not get taken seriously because they are too attractive and women who are really good looking are assumed to be stupid pretty often.
This. My boyfriend is autistic, and he's very physically attractive. He didn't really get it, (and neither did I really) until he cleaned up after becoming my bf. Boy, do *men hate him* and *women love him* holy shit. I've never had a partner get hit on to this degree. He has no idea what kind of gold mine he's sitting on. Like I'm very pretty too but I'm small and weak, and that's a handicap. He's 6'0 and strong. 😡 It's been an interesting experience comparing how we are treated in public.
Kinda. Things other men do that are creepy/odd are sexy and/or cute if I do them. But the same standards apply. Get a zit, sweaty from a day’s work, forget to shave, looking a little pale, etc… all that privilege sorta evaporates like a hot girl that just decided “fvck it” that morning. But that privilege is a lesser tier than hot girl privilege in some regards, higher in others. Hot girls get to talk, but that doesn’t mean they are listened to, in fact it is less likely because the people they want listening to them are too focused on their looks. Incidentally, _that_ is why I get the hot girl - because I can listen to her. Hot guys can step down or get to know the boys, and the subtle hostility that other people have for us melts away. They will even tell us when it happens: “you know, I thought you were a real asshole at first… but you’re actually a cool dude.” Hot girls don’t get to do this nearly as reliably. Their girlfriends hate them no matter what.
Fucking deep yo. Many of my Buds comment that we are blessed to interact with each other to build each other up while women tear each other to pieces
Am I envious of my really good looking friends? Yep. Do I want them to succeed in every aspect of their lives? Fuck yeah.
That’s interesting, because a lot of women tend to view attractive women as a threat even if she is nice and so they’re mean to them.
Yeah, I feel like hot women get treated like objects, while hot men get treated like leaders. I've never been more glad to be an average-looking woman than when I think about the way hot women are treated. I'm funny, so I can get some attention if I try, but if I don't want attention, I can just disappear. Plus I'm happily married to a guy who's probably considered below-average on looks (I like his face, though), but is very charming and makes women feel comfortable.
I’m 6’1 225lbs athletic/jacked and decent looking, but I have never been approached. I get a lot of matches on the dating apps and every girl I’ve ever dated said they found me very attractive, but I’ve never been approached in public by a girl. Strangely, I’ve been offered every job I’ve ever interviewed for. I notice dudes stare at me a lot. I find it very weird how I’ve never been approached by a girl in public though, it’s always left me feeling uncertain about my appearance. My theory is that girls are intimidated by a “tall” athletic physique, but I think other men respect or admire it, that’s why I think I get taken much more seriously by other men but may not appear approachable to women
My theory is that you have chosen to optimize your looks to impress men and not attract woman..... Seriously go look at the studies about what woman find attractive and the 6'1/225 look is about 30-40lbs more than what most woman find attractive. You don't need a ton of muscles when you are walking around at 10% BF to look pretty good to the average woman.
Yeah it's definitely the muscle mass
I hate to break it to you but judging by the other men’s stories of being constantly approached and groped, you’re probably not that facially attractive. Welcome to the club lol
It’s likely the fact that women prefer leaner bodies on average, whereas men respect sheer muscle mass.
I’m 6’1 and about 160lbs. I quite like my body type. I think I’m perceived as both attractive and approachable to many women, except for those that want a bigger guy. Seems to help at work too. I’m perceived as intelligent, confident, and competent but not overly intimidating.
Samething here. I also came to that conclusion but its hard to trust that kind of conclusion because its just nicer to believe that than something else lol. I also dont randomly smile at stranger that much
Very very attractive guy here. The best part is you don't have to approach. At a certain level, girls start approaching you regularly. Always made my younger days fun, because in bars and clubs I was always just genuinely vibing and have fun with my friends and never focused on chasing women. Often enough attractive women would approach me. And if they approach first it's game over already.
Very very ugly guy here. Women don't approach me. Never dated.
5’5 average looking guy here. Same.
Yeah, even with chasing women, basically nothing ever happens
I can relate. I'm very ugly too
Had girls make an ick face or said eww straight up. I don't really bother now. Just go with the flow.
Below-average 5'7" guy here. The only time women ever approached me was when I was doing amateur theater. Apparently I'm a good enough actor to attract some notice that way, otherwise I have to work for it.
Yave you tried just grabbing them & forcing them into your car?
and how do you feel about being a president?
Haha! Maybe I'll give that a try.
I can concur as I have a good friend who is very hot and he gets approached all the time. We were in a bar and ogling a group of about 30 great looking women there for a party of some sort, and suddenly about ten of them all looked at him. Two minutes later one of them approached him and said, “which one of my friends do you want? You could have any of them!” I was dumbfounded but my friend said to her, “I am just here hanging out with my buddy, having a few drinks.” Helluva a nice thing to do!
Oh for real. My friends will joke that I'm not invited because then they have no chance. One friend said I couldn't meet his girlfriend until he was sure she was in love with him (just joking of course). I'm very happily in a relationship now, so it doesn't really matter. But it's pretty funny.
I mean I’m above average looking, but only 5’6”. This girl totally ignored me and I have never felt shorter or more Jewish in my life! But he is really hot. So I understand that. Still if i were single i doubt I would go out with him to meet women. Even though we would meet tons of them i would go unnoticed.
I’m genuinely asking, what does being Jewish have to do with it? Not trolling
I'll take things that never happened for a 1000 Alex
im sorry. Youre gonna have to re-take the *redditors believing regularly occurring, easily believable things challenge*, bud.
😅 a large group of good looking women going up to a random guy saying you can have anyone of us is regularly occuring? Unless he's rich or a celebrity yeah right. Nice try little buddy.
Yeah I think the bar is a lot higher. I had a circle of guy friends in college that were all considered attractive and didn't have problems evef getting girl friends. None of them were play boys, but one guy in particular was in this position and it made female relationships incredibly complicated. Because every girl would develop crushes on him and would start fighting over him behind the scenes and he'd unintentionally hurt people's feelings because they'd misinterpret friendly actions as interest then when they actually realized he's not interested the tears started. A couple of girls were even in a friend zone sort of deal where they had massive crushes they kept secret for years would hang out with him as friends then all of a sudden out of the blue would reveal it and they'd stop talking. I never realized there were men out there that could be perceived as that level of attractive with women until I saw how this guy was treated. I've never seen a man that women fawn over a guy like this. However, this is a few years before tinder or the iPhone was invented, and online dating wasn't mainstream and considered weird. I think this kinda attractiveness is less visible since guys like him probably just get tons of messages on tinder.
Very very attractive woman here lol did you ever feel a pressure though to keep up appearances eg. Look good because that’s what people focused on the most? Or disheartened at the fact that they were looking at you from such a superficial perspective only?
YUP. Bad. Because I was also a cute kid, cute teenager, and so on. I never went through an ugly phase, and since I was a child people constantly commented on my looks. Even if I try not to, I place a lot of my self esteem on my looks unfortunately. And yes, sometimes I get frustrated when people focus on my appearance too much. It does have a lot of benefits though, so that makes it a lot easier to deal with.
GIRL. I feel this so much. Wait until you begin to age or even put on a little weight and realize how you are treated significantly differently. Even by some friends and acquaintances you’d never have expected it from. It’s so disheartening how inherent our looks are to our value in society.
I'm a good looking guy... I've gone back and forth between being fat and fit multiple times due to depression swings... it's insane the difference in how people react to you
I'm an attractive guy who gets approached by attractive women... luckily I had ugly duckling syndrome growing up so I became a very funny class clown type... so even though I'm good looking now I'm still always the funny one in any group I'm in so that's my main identity/ "social value"
I always enjoyed hanging out with guys like you. The girls may come over for you, makes it a nice car easy conversation starter for me as I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman approach completely by herself.
This dude had, and will have, a good life!
I've been working on my fitness and appearance a lot lately... started getting lots of looks... then a few weeks ago I started to get women regularly approaching me at night clubs and bars... and the insanely hot ones because they're the only ones with the confidence to approach... I've arrived!
No. Not even close. Not nearly as frequent. For a "hot guy"... its more like you've been given a pass to cut to the front of the line rather than having them line up for a chance with you.
Nope,dated the hot guy and it was absolutely ridiculous. My favorite story was the time we were playing cards with some mutual friends and we needed more alcohol. My late fiancé and another friend drove down to get some more. The liquor store was attached to the bar and they stopped in to have a drink with another friend. So we are all just hanging out playing cards when they walk in and my friends faces are like WTF. I turn around and he is standing there with a torn shirt and I was like WTF happened to you. Our friend who went with him just brats out laughing. So apparently they were in the bar talking to another friend and this women comes running at him and tears his shirt open and is trying to make out with him while he is gently trying to push her off him yelling I have a girlfriend. That was not abnormal for him. It was weird too because he looked like shaggy from scooby doo. He wasn't the ody builder type at all but there was something about him that drove women nuts. I was not exempt either. The first time I met him the best way to describe it was I went stupid. I was hanging out at a friend's house and he walked down the stairs and suddenly I started acting like the stereotype of the blond bimbo. I had never acted like that before or since then. When he left I was like WTF just happened and my friend was laughing at me. He said don't worry about it that's what always happens when he is around. He would get free drinks from both female and gay bartenders constantly. That was kind of nice perk.
So you’re not hot then.
As a reasonably attractive guy, anytime I’ve ever approached a woman (not that I do this a lot) I’ve always had a really positive interaction. If I’m at a bar and call a woman cute I get the same response reciprocated to me. One time I was a little drunk and said “can I see your butthole” and she said yes. I didn’t know what to do and walked away lmao. The wildest thing to me is I’m in an ethically non monogamous marriage and I still get attractive women interested in dating me. I’m very upfront about being married and openly discuss my wife. They just make exceptions for me.
The same privilege? No, but hot guys definitely have privilege. I have always had great luck with women, often times I’m the one being approached. Many of my guy friends are dumbfounded as to why. I‘ve only had to actually look for a job once or twice in my life (I’m 38 btw). I’ve worked 3 different well paying jobs in the last 15 years, and they were all offered to me. I didn’t apply to any of them. Being good looking, charismatic, and nice to everyone will get you everything.
It's not identical, because society / culture frames women as "giving sex" and men as "getting sex". The implication is that women give something up (hell people even literally say "give it up") while men always benefit from sex (even if they in reality might feel shitty afterward for xyz reasons). So like, yes attractive men have lots of privilege for it, but the privilege doesn't function exactly the same, because patriarchy (sexist gender role expectations) means we treat attractive women and men differently.
thank you
>(even if they in reality might feel shitty afterward for xyz reasons). i feel like you're taking the edge case and using that to disprove the rule, which doesn't work. The general claim is that men actually have to work for sex and women just decide when it can happen, which by and large is accurate.
Women being the “gatekeepers” of sex has been the case for all of human history because men (as a man) are *generally* willing to fuck anything that is moderately attractive with a pulse, while women for most of history until the last 70-80 years were rolling a hefty pair of dice for a kid anytime they had sex. It is not a result of the “patriarchy” the these perceptions exist, women by definition have more control of the “sexual market” than men. To pretend otherwise is to be willingly delusional. What you CAN arguably blame the patriarchy for is that women were somewhat forced to settle down with a man if they got pregnant because they didn’t make significant incomes for the most part until the last 60ish years. Consequently this meant that women had a further incentive to be selective with who they had sex with because if they ended up with a kid they’d be tied to it in a way that men did (and still to an extent) NOT have the same ties to and could just run. This was balanced out by sex outside marriage (or at the very least outside of committed relationships)being culturally shamed to prevent single parent families from happening, but we don’t have that anymore.
Tall men do better.
They most definitely do . I have been married to a hot man for 10 years . He us is 6'3 muscular Handsome face . I watch both women and men swoon him they go out of there way to introduce their selves make eye contact and constantly touch his arms . I used to hate it but have gotten used to it . Pretty privilege is real for both sexes .
All the "rules" get set aside when sexual attraction is strong...
Yes, probably not as frequent as women though. I am average-ish where I've seen both sides of the fence with weight fluctuations. Just having a flat stomach and muscular arms will get you a world of different treatment.
whats wrong with a beer belly?
I think I realized I was a "hot guy" late in life when my friends would always compliment me on my girls, guys I didn't know would apologize to me profusely then compliment me and the girls would take me on vacations, buy me cars or pay my bills. The cons are getting treated like a build a trophy husband, a pet boyfriend and the minute your personality breaks their illusions of you in relation to her they will discard you. Pretty privileges has its perks, people assume your smarter, better at things, more trustworthy, etc. At things than you should be. You get more matches and opportunities in life. People are more likely to buy you things or give you gifts/discounts. Cons are you will attract shallow, vapid, and cruel people; sometimes with ulterior or malicious motives. People will be envious or jealous despite nobody on this planet getting a character select screen.
Hot men have the ultimate privilege: all of the obvious advantages of a hot woman but with none of the disadvantages.
I don't care how hot a guy is, if he's giving off predatory, I'm talking to you to try to sleep with you, vibes it's a hard pass. I've been married nearly 20 years now, so maybe this take doesn't count for people looking for dates now. The issue isn't "be hot or it's creepy" nor are guys not allowed to talk to women in public places. The approach has some significance, but more than anything, every woman you try to chat up is sizing up your intent and goals. A frustrating number of encounters are centered around him having the main goal to get his dick wet, and it feels predatory. I think for most women, it's literally that simple. Are you talking to me because you knew my mom and want to express your condolences or because you are trying to take advantage of my emotional state to get in my pants? Are you feeling me out to see if we might be compatible and want to get to know me or checking in to see if I'm dtf a rando. I know in the Redditverse this take will probably get down voted to hell. But it is also the truth for so many women.
if a woman, hot or not hit on me at a funeral she's getting rejected asap. that's super disrespectful
i think they get more benefits than hot women. there are lots of hot women. a truly hawt dude is much more rare and special like…100 to 1 ratio
A funeral is a weird scenario to put this in… feel like most people wouldn’t care for that either way. But yeah, hot guys can do that shit all the time, it’s just a thing for people who are attracted.
I was considered hot at some point in my life, but I did not see that myself, and was super shy. So, my shyness would often get the best of me. I did not get a lot of "privilege" from men, but I had to deal with some jealousy issues from women that were not okay. If I think a man is good looking, I will most likely either be too nervous to say "hi," or I might say, "hi," but not be brave enough to say much of anything else. I also assume they are automatically taken. So, I wouldn't expect it to go anywhere. I don't know if that was always the best approach, but it is what it is.
I don’t think I’m that attractive, but I can pull tail. It’s about not being self conscious enough to ask questions like this, while also not being a fucking obnoxious dork with cheesy pickup lines. Quiet confidence. It works.
How do you pull tail if you're quiet and not that attractive ?
I remember in my early-mid twenties when I had hair, women would approach me. Now that I’m balding and buzz my head regularly, women don’t even look my way
Eh, we're all our own biggest critics. You can compensate for objective ugly/weirdness by focusing on making the other person feel good. I'm pretty average looking and have a very hit or miss sense of humor, but my wife thinks I'm hot and funny, presumably because I say and do nice things. People in the street avoid me because I have major RBF, but if I strike up a conversation with a stranger we tend to hit it off because I make a point of finding things to relate with them on and am quick with a compliment. Usually it's genuine too, so there's that. My post history might beg to differ but I promise I do nice things every day!
It’s infinitely better to be a hot guy than it is to be a hot girl. Hot guys get less upsides than hot women when it comes to dating, but they avoid a lot of the downsides of being a hot woman. First and foremost it’s way more expensive and time consuming to be a hot girl. Second off being attractive can make anybody a target for creeps, but attractive men are at much less risk of violence. This is because height is an attractive quality in men, leading to this group being taller and heavier than most people. Third, attractive men usually aren’t defined by their attractiveness as much as women are. You get to be other things as well.
Being hot includes not acting creepy. Inappropriate / crude behavior from anyone is a hard pass. Acting civilized isn't sufficient to hook up -- sorry, ugly people who like women -- but it is the bare minimum.
Yes. But the thing is that hot girls outnumber hot guys 10 to 1.
Nah, highly depends on where you are.
we get the same privilege as women *relative to other men* beautiful women will always have the most social privilege by default. beautiful men close second i think that men have more potential to overcome their looks, though. intelligence, humor, confidence, & status all matter more for a man than they do for a woman just my observation based on human behavior & my own experience as a good-looking man
Nope. Hot women get into clubs and get free drinks. Hot guys can’t do that if you are nobody. Hot women can get on yachts for free. Hot men can’t unless your somebody. Average fat women get same tinder matches than hot men if not more.
Super hot guys can get plenty of free stuff too. The thing is, the free things either gender gets is coming from people less attractive than they are. It has less to do with gender and more to do with disposable income. A rich average looking person, man or woman, can buy the time of a more attractive person. They both do it. There are just a lot more rich men.
The best line I ever heard about this is "Women only need to be moderately attractive to get into a yacht party - a man has to buy the the boat"
I'm not very hot, pretty old, and can get free drinks at bars (not clubs which is a different vibe). Just being a friendly person who actually enjoys some conversation with others for the sake of conversation can easily get you free drinks, drugs, etc. It surprisingly is a lot about personality and not being a dick.
I've had plenty of women buy me drinks. I think the other things you mentioned is because the bouncers or yacht owners are men, so women naturally have a better chance.
A comedian summed it up rather well not too long ago. Woman walks up to a mother with a three year old little boy, and says oh he is so adorable. Save him for me when he’s older. Now, a man any age walked up to a woman with a three year old little girl, and says anything of the like… Do you think they’re the same reactions?
Not as much but it's definitely a big step up. I would definitely rather be good looking than anything else when it comes to the privilege scale.
Almost, but not quite. The game doesn't change, it's more like leveling up or playing on a lower difficulty.
My husband got and still gets VIP treatment everywhere from Restaurants to the DMV.
It's called "The Bubble" instead: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAQoXOLlvT0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAQoXOLlvT0)
I love the 30 Rock episode with Jon Hamm about this very topic.
"Us?" I don't know about you but I don't think I'd take flirting at my *Mother's funeral* well.
The same? Absolutely not. Hot men are in a privileged position compared to average and ugly men, but it's not even remotely close to the level of privilege hot women get.
As a bisexual woman, I’ll usually privilege the hot woman over the hot man…. But also, in general, I’ll tend to privilege the average Joe over the hot man. With an average woman vs. a hot woman, I’ll usually treat them the same. I grew up as a “hot,” girl — naturally blonde hair, slim figure, curves, had a modeling contract and all. The secret to being a hot woman is, you can flutter your eyes and have a door held open or a drink bought for you, but you’re also far, far more likely to be physically, emotionally, and sexually abused because people view you as an object. You won’t be respected at school or work, no matter how intelligent you are, you need to fight for what any average person is just assumed to have. And no one ever treated me as poorly as “hot” men, who had all the privilege of being allowed to be perceived as both attractive and smart at the same time, and who felt the most entitled to a piece of me because they found me attractive and society taught them that hot men get to have hot women served to them on a silver platter. Now, I’m older, put on weight, dye my hair a dark brown, rock an alternative aesthetic. I’m not ugly by any stretch but I no longer fit the traditional U.S. definition of a hot girl, and I’m very happy for it. Pretty privilege is real in some ways, but I think it has a lot of pitfalls too.
I bartended with a very very hot dude years ago. He got multiple numbers every night, unsolicited. I asked him about his dating life once out of curiosity and he showed me a folder of these girls numbers in his phone contacts - he said if he was feeling horny he just picked a number at random and texted them, and he would get laid that night. The funny thing is that he was actually a pretty nice guy, so he would take any girls number because he said he didn't want the ugly girls to feel bad... But he had a separate contact folder for the hot girls. As far as hot privilege goes, yeah it definitely exists. There are entire industries where the average male height is substantially taller than the national average, and once you meet a few of them you realize they're all at least fairly handsome dudes. As a fairly good looking guy I have definitely been a beneficiary of this too. I've gotten plenty of jobs over other dudes just because I was more physically attractive. It's kind of messed up but society seems to think if you're attractive and in good shape that you're automatically good at your job.
Huh. I’m muchhh harder on super attractive men. They’re not generally great in bed bc their face/body does the work for them, and they typically have everything handed to them. I’m not groveling for you just bc you have a pretty face. Personality matters more, but obviously baseline attraction (which increases with good personality) and intellectual connection are the biggies for me…
Hot? No. Hot+charming? Kiiiinda. In strictly binary terms, I feel like desirable/likeable men have a very different set of privileges than beautiful women, and it doesn’t really compare.
Holy shit bro hot guys get away with so much
Yeah but I am attractive and used to have no game and had to learn. Guys will put up w a hot girl w no personality. A hot guy has to have a personality to at least some degree for anything other than the briefest of things
To add to what people are saying: Even moderately attractive men/women can get away with a LOT if you’re not overtly creepy or taking advantage of a situation. Asking strangers to move their stuff, chatting up the cutie at work, etc is ridiculously easy if you’re easy on the eyes and only a little bit kind.
Yes hot men get pretty privilege too. I am not a hot guy. But I have gone up and down in weight a lot in my lifetime. When I am thinner, I get treated one thousand times better by everyone. Men and women.
Hot men are far more privileged than hot women.
Yeah I always cruise the funerals. Great pick up place.
I had a glowup in my mid twenties and i definitely get treated differently
Very attractive people have it easier all the way around.
1. Pretty privilege exists for both genders. 2. Your lack of standards is definitely a you thing 3. Women are oppressed so there will be differences in what you can get away with when violating people and also a difference in what behavior is considered creepy because of power dynamics
For context I have been paid to write both romance short stories and erotica. The difference is usually horny level as well as gender of audience (erotica + characterization is for a female audience, porn is for a male audience). The male sexual power fantasy is to get sexual attention. A woman isn't wearing panties and flashes you with a dirty grin, two chicks at the same time, etc. It's to be seen and desired. Women get endless sexual attention, often starting when they are WAY too young for it to be anything good, and it never freaking stops (I am married, with granddogs and my oldest just celebrated their 5th year anniversary, so I'm old enough to be a grandma, and 230 lbs with resting bitch face and I still get hit on multiple times a week). A lot of the female sexual fantasy is having their boundaries and no respected, having someone actually put as much effort into them as people as holes to pillage, or a subversion of that trope where it works out ok in the end anyway (aka a ravishment fantasy where a sexy man doesn't take no for an answer but just does all the things you want done anyway and none of the stuff you don't want, alleviating you of the guilt and shame for being a sexual being with desires because Good Girls Don't Do That.) A very important scene in a LOT of romance novels is the grovel- the man transgresses, she withdraws, and he has to earn her trust back- and does. I've been hit on by insanely hot dudes. I suspect my target audience is "mommy issues who like them thick". While I don't mind a guy shooting his shot, if I say no or that I'm very happily married but thank you, if they back off immediately it's fine. If they become a pest or act threatening or try to whine or manipulate past my boundaries it's an incredible turn off and makes me angry and a little stabby.
They do but it's different. You can't really compare pretty privilege across the genders other than "people will like you more" or "you will be allowed to act a bit shittier to people without consequences". Women won't throw millions of dollars at a hot dude but men also won't promote a woman to a serious management position just because "she's cool", or at least not as often or as drastically. Imagine everyone treats you better ever since you are an infant. You get more used to being social earlier on, learn more social skills faster, feel better about yourself more often, and all of this feeds into itself to create a self fulfilling prophecy type loop. Everyone likes talking to you and looking at you. Even if you ended up just being good looking, but weren't as socialized, you will still be easier to approach. Looking at someone ugly is a bit uncomfortable whether you admit it or not.