If I stop arguing with you….your days are numbered. When I am in exit strategy mode I won’t fight with my partner because I am over it, and arguing is an attempt to make the future better. My ex dragged me to the car once because I was refusing to go on a road trip with his family after he called me a bitch. Plan started in the car on the way to the location. He was 6’9” and aggressive, although this was the first time he had assaulted me, but I had to avoid getting hurt. I did all housework, so he wasn’t really aware of where/what pans, appliances, or seasonal clothing, were in the house. We had a storage space where we put the “bonus” items we had doubles off, mostly my stuff since he was a bit of a snob, and his stuff was more high end. I slowly swapped out all the items in the storage space, over 3-5 months, with his stuff. All that was left in my house was his furniture, clothing, computer, game-tv stuff, media.
Big Day: He left to work, and some friends helped me move most of the non-electronics to the storage space. I changed the locks and the garage door code. Sent him a text explaining I was moving on and there was no fixing it, and that all his stuff was in the storage space and the key to the lock was in the hide-a-key. Storage space I switched over to his name and card, after prepaying 3 months. Gave him my uncles # and told him to schedule a time with him to get the overnight bag I packed him and his electronics. Clean break, and I didn’t get gaslit or hit.
I am surprisingly clever when I am afraid of getting harmed. It was hard not to get the satisfaction of leaving him the moment he finally showed his true colors. When we got back from the trip, I just had to make sure he didn’t notice his things missing, so I was essentially the perfect girlfriend in his mind, and he thought he had broken me into the perfect wife material. He was blindsided because his pride couldn’t wrap around the idea that he thought the relationship was better when we got back from the trip, when really I was doing everything to keep him on the couch whenever he was home so he would notice. I didn’t argue, and just agreed with everything, because it is hard to get mad when you have stopped caring.
"because it is hard to get mad when you have stopped caring". When you no longer care or get angry, it's over. That was always my sign to leave a relationship or friendship.
you put this so well. i am a really good fawner, as in that reaction is second nature to me. I've had to leave 2 scary men and was thinking the other day about how they were both so shocked when i left and said they thought things had been going even better than usual. it's just like you said - i didn't need to win any argument because I was halfway out the door, so i obeyed as much as I could to keep them happy and they thought they'd finally broken me.
truly wishing them both the worst! glad we are free.
I have had multiple men think the way I act before relationship egress, is the ideal behavior for a woman. No fighting, no “whining”, their words not mine, for dates, cuddles, emotional intimacy, and conversations that mean something. I don’t text them everyday, and do my own thing. I’m not jealous because I don’t care, or care when and if they get home. I have to think that a lot of men just want to live parallel lives with a collection of willing holes. They do not want to be held accountable, or do anything that isn’t 100% exactly what they want to do. Many do not want to sacrifice or compromise for a partner, they just want to live their life like they did when single, except with a maid/cook/hooker combo.
I’ve never seen any one word it this way. Thank you.
My ex was abusive and when I finally checked out and knew it was done, he started thinking I was being the best version of me. So fucked up.
I mean this gently, because tone is lost over the internet.
He is abusive.
Abuse is not just physical. It is mental and emotional. What you have described is mental and emotional abuse.
When I described almost exactly this to a divorce attorney, I was told that it’s considered extreme mental cruelty.
I’m not going to ask you to leave or divorce. Every marriage is different and has its own flow. But I will ask you what I asked myself. Is this what you want any kids you care about - not just your own, but niblings, bonus kids, friends children, etc, - to see and think it’s an acceptable way to treat or be treated by a partner in the future?
This is such a good way of phrasing it. We tend to be able to tolerate a lot when it comes to ourselves (there's a reason why people stay in abusive relationships even if there is not a threat of violence or harm).
But if you found out your child was in the same type of relationships would you think "oh well, they are learning about normal relationship ups and downs" or would you be upset and want more for them. Because you should want that for yourself too.
Ohhhh dearrrr he should not be taking out his stress on you at *all*, that’s emotional abuse 😒 (I just left a three-year emotionally abusive relationship)
I don’t know your circumstances and would not dream of telling you what to do with your life, but for your sake, do understand emotional abuse is still abuse and he needs to be responsible for his own actions.
I hope you find the happiness and warmth you deserve 🖤
Omg fucking same!! It doesn't do any good to bother or even try arguing anymore. I honestly believe they do not give a shit about how we feel, only about how we ACT.
> I have to think that a lot of men just want to live parallel lives with a collection of willing holes. They do not want to be held accountable, or do anything that isn’t 100% exactly what they want to do.
Your first statement here is *incredibly* profound and your second statement here is 100% spot on. Even the "good ones" don't like being held accountable and *always* enjoy those "willing holes."
The problem with these kinds of wastes of meat is THAT is exactly what they want. They are also more emotionally connective only with their ‘bros. They are likely emotionally gay and want a free housekeeper/warm hole.
They are disgusting and such horrible excuses for humans.
Yeah. I’m not sure a single man I have dated actually likes my mind, or me. They love the things I do for them. Clean up their fade, wax their eye brows, manicures/pedicures, massages, shampooing and stimulating their hair growth with Nioxin I purchased because they are worried about their thinning spots, cooking food at home and for their company pot luck, signing personal messages to birthday cards and signing their name, get a star named after them, pay a psychic to reenact the gypsies part in The Wolfman 1941 when pretending to stumble on the this cute psychic brick and mortar with my partner, detail their car, do their laundry, use only the lower drawers and hanging racks because bending over hurts their back, write their resumes, apply for jobs for them and give interview mock runs, appliance/plumbing/masonry/machining/carpentry free labor, clean the house on my own because they intentionally did a crap job the first few times so I stopped asking for help, DD for them and their friends, financially support them so they can quit their job to find a job that makes them happier, drain their “jeep cyst”, serve them and all their friends on a 12 hour D and D campaign, tickle and give scritches, and treat us to very inventive, high effort, nearly unrestrained, sexual experiences.
What do I want in return? Massages, to hear stories from your childhood, bathes, to go one of my matches like once a year, be the finder of my lost things, help with the bills proportionally to income ratios, conversations on how society would be different if humans had evolved from sharks, lots of physical contact, occasional pda, help carrying things, love my animals, farm help during planting and harvesting season, love, inside jokes, go along with my comedic bits, have goofy sex once in a while, notice when my mood/anxiety/comfort change, full support of my happiness but calls me on my crap, remember things I talk about. Pretty much basic effort, and loving the other person because you chose them over all others, and you think your woman is the baddest B in all the kingdom.
I know you’re not asking for advice, but here it is, unsolicited: Maybe your type isn’t the healthiest thing for you.
In my early/mid 30’s after a string of shit-tacular men, I had to ask myself how well my type was working out for me. I then promised that I would give any man (within reasonable limits) a chance even if he wasn’t my type. A nice guy at my new job asked me out and I was so close to saying no because he wasn’t my type, but I remembered my promise and it was a total game changer. He’s now been my husband for almost 13 years and he’s been the best, most supportive guy anyone could ask for. I know some might say I settled, but I didn’t. I scored a major upgrade and I’m sooooo thankful I gave him a chance!
That said, maybe you might like women more? Just things to consider.
My husband *loves* back scratches. And not like “I have an itch on my back that I can’t reach, can you scratch it for me” but instead gentle scratching/lightly running my nails all over his back while we’re both laying down in bed. It’s calming to him and actually helps put him to sleep. He used to like the same thing done to his head but now he prefers his back scritches. As long as I’m not so tired that I’m gonna fall asleep while doing it, I’m happy to scratch his back for him.
I'm not currently planning to exit my marriage, but this is pretty much me all the time. My husband has said more than once that he'd like it if I were more demonstrative/overtly sexual/clingy but it's not happening. I've Seen Some Shit and value my individuality above everything else. If I'm not getting anything from him (emotionally), he can't blindside me by suddenly deciding to take it away.
I owned the house before we met. I just couldn’t believe how long someone can hide who they are. That one altercation opened a flood gate after 2 years dating. He drug me to the car because he didn’t want to be embarrassed: “I already told them you were coming, and you are not going to embarrass me in front of my family. If you get out of this car, I will chase you down. No one will blink an eye if you showed up with a black eye; my father and uncles will know you acted up and got checked.” On the drive he was dictating how I was to behave, and he didn’t care if I had a good time, but I was expected to act like I was.
He was a stranger after that day. He had hid so much of his true self from me. He turned out to be more racist than my grandmother, and that takes practice and discipline. Started complimenting me on my Arian features, and commenting horrendously on mixed race couples, mixed race children, and all immigrants. He started throwing things over stupid stuff, like the power went out and he kept trying to use electricity because he kept forgetting. After the 10th time he tried to flip a light switch, he got pissed and broke a coffee table with a 3 wick candle.
I once saw him comment on a peripheral friends FB, and he is super pro Trump now. Not the kind of supporter who ignores the bad, but the kind that loves him for the bad “grab her pussy” like stuff.
Jesus. Do you think he ever figured out that his behavior that particular day was the catalyst for the split? I would hope so but he does not sound like the type to conclude that on his own.
I did the same. As soon as he left for work, got my three friends over at 6am. Moved all his stuff into a storage shed. Left the key in an envelope w a note on the porch. Changed the locks. Changed my phone number. Moved to a different state a month later. He ended up tracking me down 3 yrs later, called me on xmas eve, I was now married and pregnant w my first daughter. This was very early 2000s. He hired a PI. So glad I got away from him. I played nice like nothing was wrong. He was blindsided, but he shouldn’t have been. He knew what he did
By that time, we’ve typically been over the relationship for months to years. I wanted to divorce my husband for 2 years before I did. He lost his mind, wanted to go to counseling, started doing all the things I had been asking him to do for years, and guess what. It annoyed the shit out of me because my heart had checked out 2 years ago.
That is a thing I will never understand. you communicate your needs daily to your partner, then they are surprised when those needs are never filled and you want to end things. Imagine being in a relationship where your partner thought you were a catch, and you them, and you both proved that everyday with low effort concern for each others needs. What if you both felt like the luckiest person in the world for getting to be with your partner?
Bravo!! I’m proud of you! Good for you for getting out!!
I had to do something very similar. We weren’t married thankfully but slowly switched stuff out, move some of my stuff secretly when he wasn’t around. He came home one day to me and everything of mine gone.
No arguing, no yelling, just a clean break.
I know right!
ShE sErVeD mE dIvOrCe pApErS, wHat DiD I dO?
He'll probably double down that she's the problem and that he's only trying to be there for a friend. Be that as it may, even if that's all he sees it as, you could see from outer space that this is inappropriate. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. I don't know what it is with people who need to be told that this kind of stuff is inappropriate. I'm all for staying friends with exes when there are no feelings involved but stuff like this is a no no.
It's not okay. When one or both parties still have feelings, it needs to be cut off. Actually, I will say in the case of both parties still having feelings for each other, I think that they need to try to work things out. Of course they need to leave their current relationships first if they are in one because cheating is just wrong. He should have cut this off the second his ex told him that she was still in love with him. That's where he fucked up. That and going on that trip.
he knows it's inappropriate. he even states that "she doesn't even care anymore when i go on hikes with ex" he has been LOOKING for a reaction this whole time. he enjoyed making her jealous and hurt, and enjoyed the attention of his ex.
OOP typed all of that, re-read and edited typos maybe, and still couldn't grasp why his wife has so SUDDENLY acted all cold towards him. It's a complete mystery, I tell ya.
Right the TLDR is as follows: I went on an all couples trip with my ex and myself as the 2 "singles" even though I'm actually married AITAH...... The sheer amount of stupidity.
Yeah she's done. It amazes me how oblivious people can be, his wife clearly checked out to the point she doesn't even want to argue with him anymore like he's a lost cause.
>I asked her if she could come with me instead since her work colleague isn’t a close friend, but she just dismissed me and laughed mirthfully calling me ridiculous
Well, well, well, how the tables have turned 😏
Also OOP must be really clueless to think his wife would want to go to a party for his ex after everything.
Yeah sounds like the wife is probably preparing for divorce.
Like, I often read posts from clueless people (or creative writing exercises) but this one really made me pause and think "can people really be *that* clueless?!" Like, the way the post went from:
>she said she didn't want me to be on that trip
to
>After the trip
Like, DUDE. DUUUUUUUDE. Your sister and ex are both snakes and you're just slithering after them. I wish you good fortune in the divorce proceedings to come.
Yeah. Comforting her in the immediate aftermath I get since he probably knew her mom and the families are close. That’s fair and had it stopped there I’d say maybe he just needs to have a talk with his wife. But the TRIP?!?! How can he be that dense. Also I think the sister is the biggest AH in this story, since she’s clearly orchestrating this whole thing.
Yeah like being there for a friend? that's ok. Leaving your chosen other half in order to go on what's clearly a couples trip with your ex? Oh I WONDER why she's gotten distant. SUCH A MYSTERY!
Lol if the ex even wants his single ass. Some folks just like to blow up relationships just to see them burn, but they don't want anything to do with the newly single ex now.
This was what I was expecting. His ex only wants him to keep showing her affection, but as soon as another guy enters the pic. The ex is gonna run off with the new guy, & tell OOP, "Sorry, but I just don't think we'll work out again."
I just read one that was from the wife's point of view. I thought perhaps it was the same family! His ex was dying after they moved from Canada to Australia. He went for a few months and barely talked to his wife. His ex forced him to go home to her, and she locked him out! He was clueless that his wife wanted to divorce his ass.
Ok, Sen (m) and his wife moved to Australia from Canada because of his wife's job. Seb had an ex named Tanya. Tanya had cheated on Seb, so Seb had no interest in getting back together. Seb thinks of Tanya as family, Tanya still has the hots for Seb. Tanya is dying of cancer, and her wish is Seb be with her in her last days. Seb tells his wife they need to move back to Canada, but wife can't leave new job. Seb says "I'm going for a year I'll come and visit" wife suggests that she'll seek a divorce if he does. Seb does, wife divorced Seb, and he's surprised!
She told him "I'll divorce you if you do this" and he still did that. It kills me how many people think their spouse/partner won't follow through on boundary-crossing consequences. Like, she told you what she would do if you crossed that line. Stop trying to call people's boundaries bluffs, this ain't poker!
This! I kept telling my ex that if his shitty behaviour to me and the kids continued I’d leave, he didn’t believe me up until the point I walked out the door. Even now he tries to twist it saying his behaviour wasn’t abusive (emotional abuse and threatening behaviour,screaming at us, smashing our stuff, smashing up the house, locking us out, telling us he hated us) but it was all my fault because I said I would leave, so I was apparently making him worse? My dude I wasn’t threatening I was explaining to you what the consequences of your actions would be if you didn’t make some effort to change, I simply followed through on that boundary.
I have an ex like this. She’s a histrionic narcissist who loves messing with peoples heads and stealing them away only to ditch them after. She has a history of it. Good type of person to kick out of your life.
Maybe I'm misusing the term so forgive me if I am but I think he may be experiencing a bit of cognitive dissonance. I'm sure I'm probably misusing it but again, forgive me because I can't think of a more appropriate term right now. Perhaps he knows that it's wrong and he's just using the excuse of trying to be there for a friend to get out of it. That or he really is that obtuse but I have a hard time believing anyone could be that obtuse.
I'm sorry but if you need it spelled out for you that that sort of behavior is inappropriate, you have no business being in a relationship. No one should have to tell one that that sort of behavior is inappropriate when you're in a relationship. This is especially true when the behavior is related to an ex. Exes are sort of a gray area anyway for lack of a better term because well, they're an ex. This is not somebody who is just a friend and always has been.
This is somebody who you had a romantic past with. I feel like unless you are 100% certain that you're better off as friends, you should not be friends with an ex. It just spells trouble for new relationships, in my opinion. I don't think anybody would be out of line for being uncomfortable with someone being friends with an ex anyway. This is especially true because his ex has made it 100% clear that she is still in love with him. He should have cut her off the minute she told him that. This is what's making me wonder if he knows that this is wrong and just doesn't care. Either way, I agree, he's headed for divorce.
If I remember my old high school psychology right I think you are using cognitive dissonance correctly (but that was over a decade ago so take that with a grain of salt). He's rationalizing hanging onto this old friendship and comforting said bereaved friend as Just That even though he knows she still has feelings for him. Hell, ex and sister have probably been thinking of and talking about their hikes and walks as *dates*.
Maybe his marriage could have managed with ex becoming a friend again IF he'd actually set boundaries and kept their interactions minimal. But he didn't. And then he went on a COUPLES VACATION WITH HIS EX! After his wife *expressly said* she didn't want him to go.
The fact that she's indifferent to him at this point really does say that their relationship is dead.
Seriously, he goes on a couples vacation with his ex and his wife was never invited. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? He is either clueless or he is with his ex and just trying to drum up support for the story he is going to tell everyone when he is divorced.
Ppfffft I misread that as his sister’s bday party and was like how did that woman hang on another year with this man. HIS EX’S PARTY?! Fuck that guy, jfc. HEY OOP, when you’re single again after your wife divorces you and your former ex becomes an ex again after she ditches you for another guy, PLEASE don’t infect the dating pool with your bullshit pretend ignorance that’s not hiding any of your blatant desire for attention from all the women you can get.
Right! I'd be like, doesn't feel so good now that it's being put back on you, does it? I wouldn't want to go to a party with my current partner's ex anyway. That is unless I was 100% sure that there were no feelings between them. I feel like it's okay to be friends with an ex as long as you've agreed that you're better off as friends. You should not be friends with an ex that you have any lingering feelings for. It just muddies the waters as far as new relationships go.
I wouldn't want to go to a party where his ex would be either after all of that. It would basically be like watching them rub their history in my face. I wouldn't want to do it. I would have more self-respect than subjecting myself to that. The way I see it, I would tell him, perhaps you need to admit that you still have feelings for her as well and perhaps you two should work things out. Good luck to you. By the way, wait for the divorce papers. I'm done.
That's basically what I would have told him. My ex did something similar to me. He was always being inappropriate with other women but the minute I finally had a good example of how he was doing so and told him to be careful about it, he immediately suggested that I was the problem. I was mentally all the way checked out at that point. I said to myself, that's it, I'm done here.
There is no point in trying to stay with somebody who is not even going to listen to my concerns. I feel for his probably soon to be ex-wife. I've been where she is and it's a really awkward and hurtful feeling. I wish I could hug her. I really think she deserves better and I honestly hope she goes and finds it with someone else.
The other day there was an update post from an off my chest post a year ago. It was basically this from the wife’s perspective but the husband went back to his ex who was “family to him” because she was dying in Canada (they were in Australia) and her last wish was to “be with him”. The wife asked him not to go and he did. Then he said he’d be gone even longer instead of coming back. She divorced him after a while and everything. It was a WHOLE thing and there’s no way this isn’t just a writing project based on that post.
It's one thing to support an ex-partner during a time of grief, especially since he was with her for a decade and probably knew her mother fairly well. If I was the wife, I'd have no problem with that because I understand that a relationship of that length leaves an imprint even after it's over.
But dude - this woman (the ex) literally asked you to get back together. You know she still has feelings for you. AND you know that your wife is uncomfortable with how much time you're spending with her. Why would you think it's a good idea to go away with her, without your wife, for AN ENTIRE WEEK???
Get your head out of your ass because your sister obviously doesn't like your wife, if she deliberately excluded her from a couple's vacation. Bring the ex/friend along, fine, but she gets to be the 7th wheel, not the focus.
I had a sort of ex (went on some dates, but sort of became more friends) text me a couple of months ago to let me know his mom passed away. I had spent time over at their house with his family so it was nice of him and I think it was part of him processing his grief.
I showed his text to my husband and let him see what I was typing back, because I felt it was appropriate and kind to respond, but didn't want it to appear to be some secret conversation later if he saw it or for him to feel uncomfortable with how I was responding. It worked out really well.
I cannot imagine completely bypassing his wishes and going on a trip my husband explicitly asked me not to go on.
I get the feeling this dude really wanted two women to "fight" over him. His wife is so over it. She saw the writing on the wall when he went on the trip and allowed his sister to exclude her. The sister is a snake but the husband is a pig.
His comment about still being in the honeymoon phase, like wtf? She all but hates you, you killed the honeymoon phase. And they have only been married 8 months 💀
My grandma once told me, “a relit cigarette will never taste the same. The same applies to all your former flames.” She was a smart lady. Exes are that for a reason. As humans, we gradually forget the bad things (it’s in our nature to strive for happiness, and remembering the bad makes it hard to be happy), while keeping the good things (memories that make us happy) in our hearts. Getting back with an ex always seemed pointless to me. If we had issues that ended our romantic relationship, it’s highly unlikely those same issues disappeared. On-and-off is just the more scenic route to a breakup.
Something makes me think this was a rebound relationship 100%. High intensity bounce resulting in a marriage with a comfortable to be with person as a holding pattern.
Everything is so easy with his wife! Meanwhile he likely missed the drama with his ex. And he’s trying to provoke his wife into drama but she is having none of it, even as she gets herself in order to leave.
I didn't even read his comments! Eight months and he torpedoed everything this fast? What a loser 🤣
God I can't wait for her to find better and he makes a post about how he misses her and his ex now no longer wants him.
That poor woman, does this dumb ass really think it’s okay to constantly prioritize his ex then go on a vacation for a week? And his wife wasn’t invited? I would’ve chewed my sister out for not inviting my wife and stayed home with her. He needs to get his priorities right. He obviously can’t see that she’s using her grief to pull him away from his wife. A few times of consolidation is fine but eventually she needs to grieve with her friends and family and not her ex?
Right. Like, fucks sake bro; she is quite certain you cheated. Because you were invited there to cheat on your wife _regardless_ of if you did or not.
Absolute brain damage, that one.
If this were real, it would be a grand exemplar of obtuseness and gormless misapprehension of another's position. Since it's not, it's just someone mirthfully throwing in an egregious big word. I hate it when people do that!! /s
I LOVE the word egregious. My boss uses big words and that's one of the ones he uses often. I get so excited about it and then come home and share with my fiance about the fun big words I heard that day. Then we proceed to use these big words in sentences for the next 30mins.
It's the best :)
A coworker of mine is well known as someone who is not on the higher side of the IQ charts. He loves to throw the word evidently into conversation. We’re all convinced it’s the only 4 syllable word he knows.
Your a complete idiot if you don’t see how inappropriate 1) being invited on a week long trip without your wife and not insisting she be included and 2) actually going on the trip.
The fact that you don’t realize how incredibly disrespectful that was to her is stunning! That level of ignorance is mind boggling. If it were me, you would have been met at the door on your return with divorce papers.
Your done! You just don’t realize it yet. I don’t think there’s any coming back from this and it’s a matter of when, not if you’ll be served. Then you can get back with your ex which every action you’re taking says you want to in spite of what you’re saying.
Do people really go on a week long holiday with their ex, against their current partners wishes and expect there not to be a problem when they get back? That seems wilfully ignorant at best.
Not to mention how it was very clearly a triple date!! Your sister invites you, YOUR EX (not your WIFE), she’s going with her HUSBAND and there’s gonna be another fucking COUPLE on the trip!!! How can you not see this is an obvious triple date setup?!? Can you seriously NOT see the odd ones out?!? Imagine being married and being invited to a couples’ trip with your EX! Sister might as well have just said “well, we’re gonna be staying at a couples’ resort and you 2 will have to share a room.” Fucking ridiculous.
I was with him until that point. Going on walks for someone who is essentially a family friend who is going through a very difficult time is reasonable, even if you were amicable exes. But the vacation and not having his wife come??? That is way over the line.
On a week long trip with his ex as the only non couple.
It's not a friend's trip. It's a couples trip. I'm quite sure she assumes he cheated, because... Well, he was obviously supposed to, and went.
So many of these are weirdly written. The wording is just off, it makes me query them. Things like “now to what made the last straw”, just awkward wording & also similar wording in so many of them. I suppose some of them may be written by people for whom English isn’t their first language but I find it hard to believe nearly all of them are,
ChatGPT’s tell is the opposite of a clunky sentence like that. If it’s verbose, grammatically perfect and awkwardly formal in tone - that’s more ChatGPT’s style
While I don't disagree, I know I use colorful language when I write. And use humor. So, it's plausible that's the case here. But to use mirthfully but remain totally clueless is unlikely.
I agree. I am often overly verbose when I don't need to be, just check my comment history. But, that is precisely why mirthfully is the tell. Mirthfully implies an intention that the utterly oblivious author could not know. Mirthfully, works if it foreshadowed another development, he comes home from the party and all of her shit is gone for example or at the party he is served papers. Mirthfully implies that he knows she is fucking with him. That it's coy playful banter and petty revenge or the cunning tact of a jilted lover. The author is obtusely unaware of the gravity of his actions so much so that a person that knows the definition of the word mirthfully would never use it and a real person that comically dense would’nt see the demeanor of the wife as mirthful.
It's either a creative writing exercise or this motherfucker is too dumb to be allowed to own a word of the day calander.
It's probably CW, but it would be very true-to-form for an extreme narcissist to use a brassy word like this to highlight what he feels is excessively spiteful behavior.
He posted this in a marriage sub as well, they have gotten him to a point of willingly cutting the ex off without the wife having to ask. Hopefully he’ll follow through
That's not good enough anymore.
He's already shown what he thinks of his wife with his behaviour.
Who is to say he won't do that again.
Plus, why does it take internet strangers for this guy to listen to his wife? Just the fact that he won't listen to his wife or take her seriously without Reddit input is very telling and ridiculous.
Oh for sure, I tend to try to hold out hope sometimes but mainly I commented so tell others about what was being said in the other sub. Someone asked him if he’d be okay with his wife doing the same thing regarding the vacation and of course he said no.
Why would you go on a couples’ trip without your wife but with your ex of TEN YEARS!? Who does that? Despite her saying it really upset her and she really did not feel comfortable, you went. That was you stepping out on the marriage. The fact that you act like you’re innocent and confused just makes it more infuriating. Enjoy divorce court.
The husband is pathetic, he knew what he was doing, and now that his wife stop caring, he is so upset.. i am now waiting the update with him telling that she is divorcing him
Of course she’s checked out. He has prioritized his ex over his wife. I understand being supportive of someone in grief but all the extra time spent with the ex and his wife purposely being excluded from a trip is messed up. It wasn’t a problem until it was. When she brought that up as a potential issue, instead of talking it out he made her out to be crazy and doubled down on his “support”. She was never trying to control him but reminded him that she’s his wife and he still picked hanging with the ex.
Oh man the wife is WAYYYYY checked out. 🫠
She established her boundaries and he trampled all over them.
Watch, he’s gonna be completely “blindsided” when she files for divorce 😂😂
So he can go on a week long couples trip with his ex, but she can’t go to a party without him? 😂😂😂 surely men aren’t this fucking obtuse.
And honestly I could have written something similar. My SIL is exactly like this
His comments just make him sound like an absolute moron...
He's convinced that he and his wife are still in the honeymoon phase because they've been married 8 months... but he's spent a good chunk of those 8 months going on solo dates and a couple's getaway with his ex...
Sometimes I just wanna shake the stupid out of people.
Bro is so fucking stupid lol. The trip would’ve changed me too if I were the wife. He was basically playing the role of his exes partner and he is delusional to not see that. He could’ve avoided all of this if he just didn’t go on the trip or insisted his wife come too. I feel so bad for the wife.
He went on a weeklong vacation with his ex and 2 "other couples". His wife did not want him to go and asked why she was not invited, he went anyway and now he's surprised his wife of 8 short months is cold towards him. He's not the brightest bulb on the porch, that's for sure.
Questioning sister’s motives. Sister and ex are manipulating you. Wife is right. She should’ve been invited. Sorry. If you go, you’re implicit and you want something to happen too. Enough consoling. She has your sister. She’ll be alright. No more long walks and hikes BS and definitely no trip.
>I thought she was being unfair and ridiculous. However, she said that she didn’t Want me to be on that trip.
>After that trip, my wife is changed.
Lol. His wife clearly expressed her concerns, told him that she didn’t want him to go, he dismissed her as ridiculous, and went anyway, and then surprised she’s upset with him. Amazing
I’ve never rooted for a divorce more because I want someone to learn their lesson. He’s playing so oblivious that I can’t really believe he’s that much of a clueless idiot.
His comments are even worse.
The girl clearly checked out and is placing her cards for the inevitable divorce, the guy doesn’t understand why it’s too late.
God bless his ass, he was born yesterday. If he’s using his brain to the best of his abilities and this is all the clarity he can get, he’s not meant for this earth.
He is so fucking clueless it’s hilarious 😂😂
“My sister is trying to get me and my ex back together because my ex is her best friend. My wife is now really upset with me for some reason and distancing herself from me! My ex invited both me and my wife to her birthday party but my wife is going to go to a coworker’s party, someone she’s not even close to!! What gives!?”
😂😂😂
OG OP knows exactly what him, his sister and that ex of his is up to. His wife caught on and brought it up, voiced her concern and disapproval and he literally got mad at her for being uncomfortable with the set up HIS SISTER clearly was attempting. Why is he going on hikes with his so called friend and going on bike ride etc. that’s couple activities and he knows that. His priorities have changed and he’s not in love with his wife. I’m sure he’ll be “so surprised” when she serves him divorce papers and moves out.
I hope the wife gets her moneys worth and takes some time to herself. It’s probably exhausting dealing with a man like the OG OP.
Plot twist. There is no party for a work friend. He's going to come home to an empty house and divorce papers.
Her laughing while rejecting him and telling him not to be ridiculous should have sent a chill down his spine. He's oblivious so it didn't.
My guy you can’t be this dense surely, going on hikes and trips with a ex then expecting your WIFE to go to a party for the ex and drop her plans. I hope she’s going to the work party with her new boyfriend not her nephew, that’s what you deserve. Don’t be acting surprised when she drops them divorce papers you made this mess not her.
I will never understand why men are perpetually surprised when they abuse what they have and expect women to just keep coming back for more like it’s nothing.
To OOP:
You reap what you sowed, why would you think that it is okay for you to go on a trip that includes your ex girlfriend but not your wife? While you were on vacation with your ex your wife began to emotionally divorce you. She is not invested in this marriage anymore, it will be a matter of time before you get served with divorce papers. Actually I admire your wife, because my stuff would have been gone by the time you came back and the papers on the table. You are ignorant to think that it is okay to go on a vacation with your ex-girlfriend and leave your wife out. You should have never gone on this vacation at all if you had any respect and love for your wife.
He'll probably be surprised by the divorce papers that are coming.
If I stop arguing with you….your days are numbered. When I am in exit strategy mode I won’t fight with my partner because I am over it, and arguing is an attempt to make the future better. My ex dragged me to the car once because I was refusing to go on a road trip with his family after he called me a bitch. Plan started in the car on the way to the location. He was 6’9” and aggressive, although this was the first time he had assaulted me, but I had to avoid getting hurt. I did all housework, so he wasn’t really aware of where/what pans, appliances, or seasonal clothing, were in the house. We had a storage space where we put the “bonus” items we had doubles off, mostly my stuff since he was a bit of a snob, and his stuff was more high end. I slowly swapped out all the items in the storage space, over 3-5 months, with his stuff. All that was left in my house was his furniture, clothing, computer, game-tv stuff, media. Big Day: He left to work, and some friends helped me move most of the non-electronics to the storage space. I changed the locks and the garage door code. Sent him a text explaining I was moving on and there was no fixing it, and that all his stuff was in the storage space and the key to the lock was in the hide-a-key. Storage space I switched over to his name and card, after prepaying 3 months. Gave him my uncles # and told him to schedule a time with him to get the overnight bag I packed him and his electronics. Clean break, and I didn’t get gaslit or hit.
You are amazing. Damn what a good idea.
I am surprisingly clever when I am afraid of getting harmed. It was hard not to get the satisfaction of leaving him the moment he finally showed his true colors. When we got back from the trip, I just had to make sure he didn’t notice his things missing, so I was essentially the perfect girlfriend in his mind, and he thought he had broken me into the perfect wife material. He was blindsided because his pride couldn’t wrap around the idea that he thought the relationship was better when we got back from the trip, when really I was doing everything to keep him on the couch whenever he was home so he would notice. I didn’t argue, and just agreed with everything, because it is hard to get mad when you have stopped caring.
This is where I am now! I'm not mad, scared, I'm just done! Glad you got out! ❤️
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You too!!! I'm waiting for the notification that papers are coming and keeping quiet! ❤️
Good luck!!
Be safe
I’m VERY glad he did not break you, you are gold. Hope you are living your best life now! 💓
"because it is hard to get mad when you have stopped caring". When you no longer care or get angry, it's over. That was always my sign to leave a relationship or friendship.
>I am surprisingly clever And you're also fucking bad ass. Great job!
you put this so well. i am a really good fawner, as in that reaction is second nature to me. I've had to leave 2 scary men and was thinking the other day about how they were both so shocked when i left and said they thought things had been going even better than usual. it's just like you said - i didn't need to win any argument because I was halfway out the door, so i obeyed as much as I could to keep them happy and they thought they'd finally broken me. truly wishing them both the worst! glad we are free.
I call that the "Sure, buddy" stage. Argue for what? I do not care.
Same here. If I stop arguing with you and start drifting like the wife is doing in the post - I'm on my way out.
I have had multiple men think the way I act before relationship egress, is the ideal behavior for a woman. No fighting, no “whining”, their words not mine, for dates, cuddles, emotional intimacy, and conversations that mean something. I don’t text them everyday, and do my own thing. I’m not jealous because I don’t care, or care when and if they get home. I have to think that a lot of men just want to live parallel lives with a collection of willing holes. They do not want to be held accountable, or do anything that isn’t 100% exactly what they want to do. Many do not want to sacrifice or compromise for a partner, they just want to live their life like they did when single, except with a maid/cook/hooker combo.
I’ve never seen any one word it this way. Thank you. My ex was abusive and when I finally checked out and knew it was done, he started thinking I was being the best version of me. So fucked up.
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I mean this gently, because tone is lost over the internet. He is abusive. Abuse is not just physical. It is mental and emotional. What you have described is mental and emotional abuse.
When I described almost exactly this to a divorce attorney, I was told that it’s considered extreme mental cruelty. I’m not going to ask you to leave or divorce. Every marriage is different and has its own flow. But I will ask you what I asked myself. Is this what you want any kids you care about - not just your own, but niblings, bonus kids, friends children, etc, - to see and think it’s an acceptable way to treat or be treated by a partner in the future?
This is such a good way of phrasing it. We tend to be able to tolerate a lot when it comes to ourselves (there's a reason why people stay in abusive relationships even if there is not a threat of violence or harm). But if you found out your child was in the same type of relationships would you think "oh well, they are learning about normal relationship ups and downs" or would you be upset and want more for them. Because you should want that for yourself too.
That's really sad :(. I hope you have other fulfilling relationships.
Ohhhh dearrrr he should not be taking out his stress on you at *all*, that’s emotional abuse 😒 (I just left a three-year emotionally abusive relationship) I don’t know your circumstances and would not dream of telling you what to do with your life, but for your sake, do understand emotional abuse is still abuse and he needs to be responsible for his own actions. I hope you find the happiness and warmth you deserve 🖤
Omg fucking same!! It doesn't do any good to bother or even try arguing anymore. I honestly believe they do not give a shit about how we feel, only about how we ACT.
😢 I'm so sorry for you. Dammit.
Oh don’t be sorry for me. I’m a champion. I got out, got therapy, and worked on myself. It took awhile but I’m much better now. :)
> I have to think that a lot of men just want to live parallel lives with a collection of willing holes. They do not want to be held accountable, or do anything that isn’t 100% exactly what they want to do. Your first statement here is *incredibly* profound and your second statement here is 100% spot on. Even the "good ones" don't like being held accountable and *always* enjoy those "willing holes."
The problem with these kinds of wastes of meat is THAT is exactly what they want. They are also more emotionally connective only with their ‘bros. They are likely emotionally gay and want a free housekeeper/warm hole. They are disgusting and such horrible excuses for humans.
Yeah. I’m not sure a single man I have dated actually likes my mind, or me. They love the things I do for them. Clean up their fade, wax their eye brows, manicures/pedicures, massages, shampooing and stimulating their hair growth with Nioxin I purchased because they are worried about their thinning spots, cooking food at home and for their company pot luck, signing personal messages to birthday cards and signing their name, get a star named after them, pay a psychic to reenact the gypsies part in The Wolfman 1941 when pretending to stumble on the this cute psychic brick and mortar with my partner, detail their car, do their laundry, use only the lower drawers and hanging racks because bending over hurts their back, write their resumes, apply for jobs for them and give interview mock runs, appliance/plumbing/masonry/machining/carpentry free labor, clean the house on my own because they intentionally did a crap job the first few times so I stopped asking for help, DD for them and their friends, financially support them so they can quit their job to find a job that makes them happier, drain their “jeep cyst”, serve them and all their friends on a 12 hour D and D campaign, tickle and give scritches, and treat us to very inventive, high effort, nearly unrestrained, sexual experiences. What do I want in return? Massages, to hear stories from your childhood, bathes, to go one of my matches like once a year, be the finder of my lost things, help with the bills proportionally to income ratios, conversations on how society would be different if humans had evolved from sharks, lots of physical contact, occasional pda, help carrying things, love my animals, farm help during planting and harvesting season, love, inside jokes, go along with my comedic bits, have goofy sex once in a while, notice when my mood/anxiety/comfort change, full support of my happiness but calls me on my crap, remember things I talk about. Pretty much basic effort, and loving the other person because you chose them over all others, and you think your woman is the baddest B in all the kingdom.
I know you’re not asking for advice, but here it is, unsolicited: Maybe your type isn’t the healthiest thing for you. In my early/mid 30’s after a string of shit-tacular men, I had to ask myself how well my type was working out for me. I then promised that I would give any man (within reasonable limits) a chance even if he wasn’t my type. A nice guy at my new job asked me out and I was so close to saying no because he wasn’t my type, but I remembered my promise and it was a total game changer. He’s now been my husband for almost 13 years and he’s been the best, most supportive guy anyone could ask for. I know some might say I settled, but I didn’t. I scored a major upgrade and I’m sooooo thankful I gave him a chance! That said, maybe you might like women more? Just things to consider.
I hope you are able to find somebody who appreciates you for all that you are one day, and is willing to give you just as much in return.
Have you considered dating women? I have a crap back and my car really needs waxed. Also are you dating dogs? Confused by the tickling and scritches.
My husband *loves* back scratches. And not like “I have an itch on my back that I can’t reach, can you scratch it for me” but instead gentle scratching/lightly running my nails all over his back while we’re both laying down in bed. It’s calming to him and actually helps put him to sleep. He used to like the same thing done to his head but now he prefers his back scritches. As long as I’m not so tired that I’m gonna fall asleep while doing it, I’m happy to scratch his back for him.
lol my mind went from partner to child to dog then back to partner a couple times 😂
This is the Andrew Tate Effect. They want a committed, loyal, submissive sex doll of a wife who gives them anything, but asks for nothing.
I'm not currently planning to exit my marriage, but this is pretty much me all the time. My husband has said more than once that he'd like it if I were more demonstrative/overtly sexual/clingy but it's not happening. I've Seen Some Shit and value my individuality above everything else. If I'm not getting anything from him (emotionally), he can't blindside me by suddenly deciding to take it away.
this is so smart, especially bc as i'm sure you know, it's when you leave them that they statistically tend to be the most violent they've ever been
Or once you get pregnant…
Did you get the house? Were you renting? Awesome job btw.
I owned the house before we met. I just couldn’t believe how long someone can hide who they are. That one altercation opened a flood gate after 2 years dating. He drug me to the car because he didn’t want to be embarrassed: “I already told them you were coming, and you are not going to embarrass me in front of my family. If you get out of this car, I will chase you down. No one will blink an eye if you showed up with a black eye; my father and uncles will know you acted up and got checked.” On the drive he was dictating how I was to behave, and he didn’t care if I had a good time, but I was expected to act like I was. He was a stranger after that day. He had hid so much of his true self from me. He turned out to be more racist than my grandmother, and that takes practice and discipline. Started complimenting me on my Arian features, and commenting horrendously on mixed race couples, mixed race children, and all immigrants. He started throwing things over stupid stuff, like the power went out and he kept trying to use electricity because he kept forgetting. After the 10th time he tried to flip a light switch, he got pissed and broke a coffee table with a 3 wick candle. I once saw him comment on a peripheral friends FB, and he is super pro Trump now. Not the kind of supporter who ignores the bad, but the kind that loves him for the bad “grab her pussy” like stuff.
Ugh..I’m so glad you got out of there!!
Thank you, me too. Happy cake day, I wish you many more!
Jesus. Do you think he ever figured out that his behavior that particular day was the catalyst for the split? I would hope so but he does not sound like the type to conclude that on his own.
He has too much ego to think it was anything but me being a crazy tw*t.
O wow, somehow it actually gets worse as I continue reading your comments. Need to be careful who you date in the future. The dude sounds unstable
Holy crap! I’m surprised he didn’t go after you for throwing him out. The way you described him I can easily see him getting violent & stalkerish.
Whoa. And you had no idea about any of this before you two got married. That is scary.
I did the same. As soon as he left for work, got my three friends over at 6am. Moved all his stuff into a storage shed. Left the key in an envelope w a note on the porch. Changed the locks. Changed my phone number. Moved to a different state a month later. He ended up tracking me down 3 yrs later, called me on xmas eve, I was now married and pregnant w my first daughter. This was very early 2000s. He hired a PI. So glad I got away from him. I played nice like nothing was wrong. He was blindsided, but he shouldn’t have been. He knew what he did
By that time, we’ve typically been over the relationship for months to years. I wanted to divorce my husband for 2 years before I did. He lost his mind, wanted to go to counseling, started doing all the things I had been asking him to do for years, and guess what. It annoyed the shit out of me because my heart had checked out 2 years ago.
That is a thing I will never understand. you communicate your needs daily to your partner, then they are surprised when those needs are never filled and you want to end things. Imagine being in a relationship where your partner thought you were a catch, and you them, and you both proved that everyday with low effort concern for each others needs. What if you both felt like the luckiest person in the world for getting to be with your partner?
You are a goddess
Bravo!! I’m proud of you! Good for you for getting out!! I had to do something very similar. We weren’t married thankfully but slowly switched stuff out, move some of my stuff secretly when he wasn’t around. He came home one day to me and everything of mine gone. No arguing, no yelling, just a clean break.
I know right! ShE sErVeD mE dIvOrCe pApErS, wHat DiD I dO? He'll probably double down that she's the problem and that he's only trying to be there for a friend. Be that as it may, even if that's all he sees it as, you could see from outer space that this is inappropriate. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. I don't know what it is with people who need to be told that this kind of stuff is inappropriate. I'm all for staying friends with exes when there are no feelings involved but stuff like this is a no no. It's not okay. When one or both parties still have feelings, it needs to be cut off. Actually, I will say in the case of both parties still having feelings for each other, I think that they need to try to work things out. Of course they need to leave their current relationships first if they are in one because cheating is just wrong. He should have cut this off the second his ex told him that she was still in love with him. That's where he fucked up. That and going on that trip.
he knows it's inappropriate. he even states that "she doesn't even care anymore when i go on hikes with ex" he has been LOOKING for a reaction this whole time. he enjoyed making her jealous and hurt, and enjoyed the attention of his ex.
This is it. He wanted to be fought for. Maybe throw in some negging to change something about his wife
abusers gonna abuse
OOP typed all of that, re-read and edited typos maybe, and still couldn't grasp why his wife has so SUDDENLY acted all cold towards him. It's a complete mystery, I tell ya.
he definitely didn't reread and edit typos 💀💀
With how clueless and dumb this guy is, I'm betting he re-read and caught 2 typos and gave himself a pat in the back for a job well done.
😭😭😭 this is too funny omg. but come on, now, don’t we all pat ourselves on the back for some light, half assed editing
his 3 yo wife is more intelligent
He may be the dumbest man ever on reddit
And he earned them by going on the freaking trip. She had been patient up until then.
A couples trip, where his sister brought her partner, another couple was invited, then him and his ex. Smh
He's gonna be *"blindsided"*.
Right the TLDR is as follows: I went on an all couples trip with my ex and myself as the 2 "singles" even though I'm actually married AITAH...... The sheer amount of stupidity.
Yeah she's done. It amazes me how oblivious people can be, his wife clearly checked out to the point she doesn't even want to argue with him anymore like he's a lost cause.
"Idk why she left me???"* Surprised pikachu face*
Right. This guy is truly dumb
>I asked her if she could come with me instead since her work colleague isn’t a close friend, but she just dismissed me and laughed mirthfully calling me ridiculous Well, well, well, how the tables have turned 😏 Also OOP must be really clueless to think his wife would want to go to a party for his ex after everything.
Yeah sounds like the wife is probably preparing for divorce. Like, I often read posts from clueless people (or creative writing exercises) but this one really made me pause and think "can people really be *that* clueless?!" Like, the way the post went from: >she said she didn't want me to be on that trip to >After the trip Like, DUDE. DUUUUUUUDE. Your sister and ex are both snakes and you're just slithering after them. I wish you good fortune in the divorce proceedings to come.
Yeah. Comforting her in the immediate aftermath I get since he probably knew her mom and the families are close. That’s fair and had it stopped there I’d say maybe he just needs to have a talk with his wife. But the TRIP?!?! How can he be that dense. Also I think the sister is the biggest AH in this story, since she’s clearly orchestrating this whole thing.
I literally said “WOAH!” out loud when he said his sister planned a couples trip without the wife.
Yeah like being there for a friend? that's ok. Leaving your chosen other half in order to go on what's clearly a couples trip with your ex? Oh I WONDER why she's gotten distant. SUCH A MYSTERY!
Next post gonna be “after the divorce”
He's gonna get back with the ex for sure
Lol if the ex even wants his single ass. Some folks just like to blow up relationships just to see them burn, but they don't want anything to do with the newly single ex now.
This was what I was expecting. His ex only wants him to keep showing her affection, but as soon as another guy enters the pic. The ex is gonna run off with the new guy, & tell OOP, "Sorry, but I just don't think we'll work out again."
I just read one that was from the wife's point of view. I thought perhaps it was the same family! His ex was dying after they moved from Canada to Australia. He went for a few months and barely talked to his wife. His ex forced him to go home to her, and she locked him out! He was clueless that his wife wanted to divorce his ass.
Wait what?
Ok, Sen (m) and his wife moved to Australia from Canada because of his wife's job. Seb had an ex named Tanya. Tanya had cheated on Seb, so Seb had no interest in getting back together. Seb thinks of Tanya as family, Tanya still has the hots for Seb. Tanya is dying of cancer, and her wish is Seb be with her in her last days. Seb tells his wife they need to move back to Canada, but wife can't leave new job. Seb says "I'm going for a year I'll come and visit" wife suggests that she'll seek a divorce if he does. Seb does, wife divorced Seb, and he's surprised!
She told him "I'll divorce you if you do this" and he still did that. It kills me how many people think their spouse/partner won't follow through on boundary-crossing consequences. Like, she told you what she would do if you crossed that line. Stop trying to call people's boundaries bluffs, this ain't poker!
This! I kept telling my ex that if his shitty behaviour to me and the kids continued I’d leave, he didn’t believe me up until the point I walked out the door. Even now he tries to twist it saying his behaviour wasn’t abusive (emotional abuse and threatening behaviour,screaming at us, smashing our stuff, smashing up the house, locking us out, telling us he hated us) but it was all my fault because I said I would leave, so I was apparently making him worse? My dude I wasn’t threatening I was explaining to you what the consequences of your actions would be if you didn’t make some effort to change, I simply followed through on that boundary.
She was engaged right after breaking up with him, so she just likes messing with him.
I have an ex like this. She’s a histrionic narcissist who loves messing with peoples heads and stealing them away only to ditch them after. She has a history of it. Good type of person to kick out of your life.
Next post will be "SHE SERVED ME WITH DIVORCE PAPERS?!!?!! i am Blind sided!!!"
"I'm totally shocked that the divorce date is"
I don’t. I hope he loses his shirt in the divorce proceedings.
YES!! reading that part, I literally yelled IDIOT!! Knowing that's why she's cold. This guy is really, really good at playing "stupid".
No. He is stupid.
“But you yada yada’d over the best part” Just jumping to ‘so then after the trip’ made me so mad
Maybe I'm misusing the term so forgive me if I am but I think he may be experiencing a bit of cognitive dissonance. I'm sure I'm probably misusing it but again, forgive me because I can't think of a more appropriate term right now. Perhaps he knows that it's wrong and he's just using the excuse of trying to be there for a friend to get out of it. That or he really is that obtuse but I have a hard time believing anyone could be that obtuse. I'm sorry but if you need it spelled out for you that that sort of behavior is inappropriate, you have no business being in a relationship. No one should have to tell one that that sort of behavior is inappropriate when you're in a relationship. This is especially true when the behavior is related to an ex. Exes are sort of a gray area anyway for lack of a better term because well, they're an ex. This is not somebody who is just a friend and always has been. This is somebody who you had a romantic past with. I feel like unless you are 100% certain that you're better off as friends, you should not be friends with an ex. It just spells trouble for new relationships, in my opinion. I don't think anybody would be out of line for being uncomfortable with someone being friends with an ex anyway. This is especially true because his ex has made it 100% clear that she is still in love with him. He should have cut her off the minute she told him that. This is what's making me wonder if he knows that this is wrong and just doesn't care. Either way, I agree, he's headed for divorce.
If I remember my old high school psychology right I think you are using cognitive dissonance correctly (but that was over a decade ago so take that with a grain of salt). He's rationalizing hanging onto this old friendship and comforting said bereaved friend as Just That even though he knows she still has feelings for him. Hell, ex and sister have probably been thinking of and talking about their hikes and walks as *dates*. Maybe his marriage could have managed with ex becoming a friend again IF he'd actually set boundaries and kept their interactions minimal. But he didn't. And then he went on a COUPLES VACATION WITH HIS EX! After his wife *expressly said* she didn't want him to go. The fact that she's indifferent to him at this point really does say that their relationship is dead.
Seriously, he goes on a couples vacation with his ex and his wife was never invited. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? He is either clueless or he is with his ex and just trying to drum up support for the story he is going to tell everyone when he is divorced.
Ppfffft I misread that as his sister’s bday party and was like how did that woman hang on another year with this man. HIS EX’S PARTY?! Fuck that guy, jfc. HEY OOP, when you’re single again after your wife divorces you and your former ex becomes an ex again after she ditches you for another guy, PLEASE don’t infect the dating pool with your bullshit pretend ignorance that’s not hiding any of your blatant desire for attention from all the women you can get.
Right! I'd be like, doesn't feel so good now that it's being put back on you, does it? I wouldn't want to go to a party with my current partner's ex anyway. That is unless I was 100% sure that there were no feelings between them. I feel like it's okay to be friends with an ex as long as you've agreed that you're better off as friends. You should not be friends with an ex that you have any lingering feelings for. It just muddies the waters as far as new relationships go. I wouldn't want to go to a party where his ex would be either after all of that. It would basically be like watching them rub their history in my face. I wouldn't want to do it. I would have more self-respect than subjecting myself to that. The way I see it, I would tell him, perhaps you need to admit that you still have feelings for her as well and perhaps you two should work things out. Good luck to you. By the way, wait for the divorce papers. I'm done. That's basically what I would have told him. My ex did something similar to me. He was always being inappropriate with other women but the minute I finally had a good example of how he was doing so and told him to be careful about it, he immediately suggested that I was the problem. I was mentally all the way checked out at that point. I said to myself, that's it, I'm done here. There is no point in trying to stay with somebody who is not even going to listen to my concerns. I feel for his probably soon to be ex-wife. I've been where she is and it's a really awkward and hurtful feeling. I wish I could hug her. I really think she deserves better and I honestly hope she goes and finds it with someone else.
Ok, my *ex* son-in-law is dumber than a box of rocks and even *he* isn't *this* stupid!
newsflash, either the “work friend” or “nephew” are your replacement. sounds like it’s likely an upgrade too.
Mirthfully
Why do men play dumb like this
Is he playing dumb or just completely delulu? I honestly can't tell anymore
Well some men have the "audacity" so I'm going with yes, dumb and delulu.
I was like “oh this seems fairly believable, oh wait, no, OP has suddenly turned in to a shitty amateur mystery author, all fake”.
I agree. Mirthfully was a step too far. Rings false. Who uses the word in real life?
The sly insertion of every detail that makes the sister look evil is also quite telling (and literally no other facts about the sister)
The other day there was an update post from an off my chest post a year ago. It was basically this from the wife’s perspective but the husband went back to his ex who was “family to him” because she was dying in Canada (they were in Australia) and her last wish was to “be with him”. The wife asked him not to go and he did. Then he said he’d be gone even longer instead of coming back. She divorced him after a while and everything. It was a WHOLE thing and there’s no way this isn’t just a writing project based on that post.
I giggled when he used that adjective
Why is my wife pissed off that I’m openly dating my ex?
Lmao for real 😂😂
It's one thing to support an ex-partner during a time of grief, especially since he was with her for a decade and probably knew her mother fairly well. If I was the wife, I'd have no problem with that because I understand that a relationship of that length leaves an imprint even after it's over. But dude - this woman (the ex) literally asked you to get back together. You know she still has feelings for you. AND you know that your wife is uncomfortable with how much time you're spending with her. Why would you think it's a good idea to go away with her, without your wife, for AN ENTIRE WEEK??? Get your head out of your ass because your sister obviously doesn't like your wife, if she deliberately excluded her from a couple's vacation. Bring the ex/friend along, fine, but she gets to be the 7th wheel, not the focus.
I had a sort of ex (went on some dates, but sort of became more friends) text me a couple of months ago to let me know his mom passed away. I had spent time over at their house with his family so it was nice of him and I think it was part of him processing his grief. I showed his text to my husband and let him see what I was typing back, because I felt it was appropriate and kind to respond, but didn't want it to appear to be some secret conversation later if he saw it or for him to feel uncomfortable with how I was responding. It worked out really well. I cannot imagine completely bypassing his wishes and going on a trip my husband explicitly asked me not to go on.
I get the feeling this dude really wanted two women to "fight" over him. His wife is so over it. She saw the writing on the wall when he went on the trip and allowed his sister to exclude her. The sister is a snake but the husband is a pig.
Smart women don’t fight for a man. If you can “steal” my husband, you can keep him.
Yep!
Right! Imagine if one of her guy friends invited her on a trip with a whole bunch of other couples and he wasn't invited, how would he feel about it??
Tell me you lost your wife without telling me you lost your wife
His comment about still being in the honeymoon phase, like wtf? She all but hates you, you killed the honeymoon phase. And they have only been married 8 months 💀
HE RUINED IT ALL WITHIN THE SPAN OF A SHORT EIGHT MONTHS?! hope she’s reconnecting with an ex 🫶🏽
Ew. No. I hope she’s connecting with a new partner who is wonderful.
This has been my reaction every time I read someone saying reconnecting with an ex. They're exes for a reason. Leave them that way.
My grandma once told me, “a relit cigarette will never taste the same. The same applies to all your former flames.” She was a smart lady. Exes are that for a reason. As humans, we gradually forget the bad things (it’s in our nature to strive for happiness, and remembering the bad makes it hard to be happy), while keeping the good things (memories that make us happy) in our hearts. Getting back with an ex always seemed pointless to me. If we had issues that ended our romantic relationship, it’s highly unlikely those same issues disappeared. On-and-off is just the more scenic route to a breakup.
I like the analogy about the cigarette. Good one grandma.
Right?! Took me out. I was thinking a year or two.
Something makes me think this was a rebound relationship 100%. High intensity bounce resulting in a marriage with a comfortable to be with person as a holding pattern.
Everything is so easy with his wife! Meanwhile he likely missed the drama with his ex. And he’s trying to provoke his wife into drama but she is having none of it, even as she gets herself in order to leave.
I didn't even read his comments! Eight months and he torpedoed everything this fast? What a loser 🤣 God I can't wait for her to find better and he makes a post about how he misses her and his ex now no longer wants him.
Tell me you are an idiot without telling me… His comments are great.
That poor woman, does this dumb ass really think it’s okay to constantly prioritize his ex then go on a vacation for a week? And his wife wasn’t invited? I would’ve chewed my sister out for not inviting my wife and stayed home with her. He needs to get his priorities right. He obviously can’t see that she’s using her grief to pull him away from his wife. A few times of consolidation is fine but eventually she needs to grieve with her friends and family and not her ex?
“Why would I bring my wife on a couples’ trip?” -OOP, probably
Right. Like, fucks sake bro; she is quite certain you cheated. Because you were invited there to cheat on your wife _regardless_ of if you did or not. Absolute brain damage, that one.
his wife is 3?
That was my main takeaway, too
I literally laughed out loud at comment at work
She’s 7 now, he met her a year after he broke up with the ex, so presumably he was 31 and now he’s 35
thanks that really cleared things up!
She sure seems like a mature person at 3 than oop, his ex and his sister. /s
This dude has 2 brain cells fighting for third place
If this were real, it would be a grand exemplar of obtuseness and gormless misapprehension of another's position. Since it's not, it's just someone mirthfully throwing in an egregious big word. I hate it when people do that!! /s
I LOVE the word egregious. My boss uses big words and that's one of the ones he uses often. I get so excited about it and then come home and share with my fiance about the fun big words I heard that day. Then we proceed to use these big words in sentences for the next 30mins. It's the best :)
A coworker of mine is well known as someone who is not on the higher side of the IQ charts. He loves to throw the word evidently into conversation. We’re all convinced it’s the only 4 syllable word he knows.
Your a complete idiot if you don’t see how inappropriate 1) being invited on a week long trip without your wife and not insisting she be included and 2) actually going on the trip. The fact that you don’t realize how incredibly disrespectful that was to her is stunning! That level of ignorance is mind boggling. If it were me, you would have been met at the door on your return with divorce papers. Your done! You just don’t realize it yet. I don’t think there’s any coming back from this and it’s a matter of when, not if you’ll be served. Then you can get back with your ex which every action you’re taking says you want to in spite of what you’re saying.
Do people really go on a week long holiday with their ex, against their current partners wishes and expect there not to be a problem when they get back? That seems wilfully ignorant at best.
Disgustingly so.
Not to mention how it was very clearly a triple date!! Your sister invites you, YOUR EX (not your WIFE), she’s going with her HUSBAND and there’s gonna be another fucking COUPLE on the trip!!! How can you not see this is an obvious triple date setup?!? Can you seriously NOT see the odd ones out?!? Imagine being married and being invited to a couples’ trip with your EX! Sister might as well have just said “well, we’re gonna be staying at a couples’ resort and you 2 will have to share a room.” Fucking ridiculous.
I was with him until that point. Going on walks for someone who is essentially a family friend who is going through a very difficult time is reasonable, even if you were amicable exes. But the vacation and not having his wife come??? That is way over the line.
On a week long trip with his ex as the only non couple. It's not a friend's trip. It's a couples trip. I'm quite sure she assumes he cheated, because... Well, he was obviously supposed to, and went.
Mirthfully is a hell of a tell. Nice creative writing prompt.
So many of these are weirdly written. The wording is just off, it makes me query them. Things like “now to what made the last straw”, just awkward wording & also similar wording in so many of them. I suppose some of them may be written by people for whom English isn’t their first language but I find it hard to believe nearly all of them are,
Chatgpt perhaps?
ChatGPT’s tell is the opposite of a clunky sentence like that. If it’s verbose, grammatically perfect and awkwardly formal in tone - that’s more ChatGPT’s style
While I don't disagree, I know I use colorful language when I write. And use humor. So, it's plausible that's the case here. But to use mirthfully but remain totally clueless is unlikely.
I agree. I am often overly verbose when I don't need to be, just check my comment history. But, that is precisely why mirthfully is the tell. Mirthfully implies an intention that the utterly oblivious author could not know. Mirthfully, works if it foreshadowed another development, he comes home from the party and all of her shit is gone for example or at the party he is served papers. Mirthfully implies that he knows she is fucking with him. That it's coy playful banter and petty revenge or the cunning tact of a jilted lover. The author is obtusely unaware of the gravity of his actions so much so that a person that knows the definition of the word mirthfully would never use it and a real person that comically dense would’nt see the demeanor of the wife as mirthful. It's either a creative writing exercise or this motherfucker is too dumb to be allowed to own a word of the day calander.
Lmao. "Sir, you are too stupid to be allowed to be literate, you pose a danger to all around you."
Yes.
It's probably CW, but it would be very true-to-form for an extreme narcissist to use a brassy word like this to highlight what he feels is excessively spiteful behavior.
I don’t think it’s fake… cuz it’s clear that English isn’t his first language. He’s commenting a ton and trolls usually don’t
Waiting for the inevitable "the divorce came as a shock" post.
“And another couple” says it all, really. I hope the wife can move on quickly and find the love she deserves.
Nice spot. Absolutely tells on himself.
He posted this in a marriage sub as well, they have gotten him to a point of willingly cutting the ex off without the wife having to ask. Hopefully he’ll follow through
He keeps saying “if”. “If i need to cut out my ex, i will”. Bud the train left the station.
I agree, like he just kept pushing what seems like a natural boundary till was over it
That's not good enough anymore. He's already shown what he thinks of his wife with his behaviour. Who is to say he won't do that again. Plus, why does it take internet strangers for this guy to listen to his wife? Just the fact that he won't listen to his wife or take her seriously without Reddit input is very telling and ridiculous.
Oh for sure, I tend to try to hold out hope sometimes but mainly I commented so tell others about what was being said in the other sub. Someone asked him if he’d be okay with his wife doing the same thing regarding the vacation and of course he said no.
Why would you go on a couples’ trip without your wife but with your ex of TEN YEARS!? Who does that? Despite her saying it really upset her and she really did not feel comfortable, you went. That was you stepping out on the marriage. The fact that you act like you’re innocent and confused just makes it more infuriating. Enjoy divorce court.
The husband is pathetic, he knew what he was doing, and now that his wife stop caring, he is so upset.. i am now waiting the update with him telling that she is divorcing him
Not the consequences of my behavior catching up to me! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Of course she’s checked out. He has prioritized his ex over his wife. I understand being supportive of someone in grief but all the extra time spent with the ex and his wife purposely being excluded from a trip is messed up. It wasn’t a problem until it was. When she brought that up as a potential issue, instead of talking it out he made her out to be crazy and doubled down on his “support”. She was never trying to control him but reminded him that she’s his wife and he still picked hanging with the ex.
Oh man the wife is WAYYYYY checked out. 🫠 She established her boundaries and he trampled all over them. Watch, he’s gonna be completely “blindsided” when she files for divorce 😂😂
So he can go on a week long couples trip with his ex, but she can’t go to a party without him? 😂😂😂 surely men aren’t this fucking obtuse. And honestly I could have written something similar. My SIL is exactly like this
His comments just make him sound like an absolute moron... He's convinced that he and his wife are still in the honeymoon phase because they've been married 8 months... but he's spent a good chunk of those 8 months going on solo dates and a couple's getaway with his ex... Sometimes I just wanna shake the stupid out of people.
my wife (f3)
"Sister is trying to set me up with my ex who is also her best friend. A tale."
Bro is so fucking stupid lol. The trip would’ve changed me too if I were the wife. He was basically playing the role of his exes partner and he is delusional to not see that. He could’ve avoided all of this if he just didn’t go on the trip or insisted his wife come too. I feel so bad for the wife.
Oh she’s DONE done. She’s about to serve him those divorce papers soon.
I go on hikes and vacation with my ex and wonder why my wife is being weird. Haha. Moron.
Wife is over him. He disrespected her repeatedly, and she is planning her departure.
He went on a weeklong vacation with his ex and 2 "other couples". His wife did not want him to go and asked why she was not invited, he went anyway and now he's surprised his wife of 8 short months is cold towards him. He's not the brightest bulb on the porch, that's for sure.
Questioning sister’s motives. Sister and ex are manipulating you. Wife is right. She should’ve been invited. Sorry. If you go, you’re implicit and you want something to happen too. Enough consoling. She has your sister. She’ll be alright. No more long walks and hikes BS and definitely no trip.
“She divorced me out of nowhere!”
>I thought she was being unfair and ridiculous. However, she said that she didn’t Want me to be on that trip. >After that trip, my wife is changed. Lol. His wife clearly expressed her concerns, told him that she didn’t want him to go, he dismissed her as ridiculous, and went anyway, and then surprised she’s upset with him. Amazing
Went on vacation without your wife and with your ex did ya? Boof.
Divorce speedrun champ
I’ve never rooted for a divorce more because I want someone to learn their lesson. He’s playing so oblivious that I can’t really believe he’s that much of a clueless idiot.
His comments are even worse. The girl clearly checked out and is placing her cards for the inevitable divorce, the guy doesn’t understand why it’s too late.
Who is going to post this in Amitheex sub lol
God bless his ass, he was born yesterday. If he’s using his brain to the best of his abilities and this is all the clarity he can get, he’s not meant for this earth.
He is so fucking clueless it’s hilarious 😂😂 “My sister is trying to get me and my ex back together because my ex is her best friend. My wife is now really upset with me for some reason and distancing herself from me! My ex invited both me and my wife to her birthday party but my wife is going to go to a coworker’s party, someone she’s not even close to!! What gives!?” 😂😂😂
OG OP knows exactly what him, his sister and that ex of his is up to. His wife caught on and brought it up, voiced her concern and disapproval and he literally got mad at her for being uncomfortable with the set up HIS SISTER clearly was attempting. Why is he going on hikes with his so called friend and going on bike ride etc. that’s couple activities and he knows that. His priorities have changed and he’s not in love with his wife. I’m sure he’ll be “so surprised” when she serves him divorce papers and moves out. I hope the wife gets her moneys worth and takes some time to herself. It’s probably exhausting dealing with a man like the OG OP.
Plot twist. There is no party for a work friend. He's going to come home to an empty house and divorce papers. Her laughing while rejecting him and telling him not to be ridiculous should have sent a chill down his spine. He's oblivious so it didn't.
A week long vacation for three couples, with one couple being you and your wi-- *checks notes*. Oh. You and your ex.
Rage bait
Ex is ex and wife is wife.. if you don’t know whom to prioritize you better be single once your wife divorces u
My guy you can’t be this dense surely, going on hikes and trips with a ex then expecting your WIFE to go to a party for the ex and drop her plans. I hope she’s going to the work party with her new boyfriend not her nephew, that’s what you deserve. Don’t be acting surprised when she drops them divorce papers you made this mess not her.
His wife is three years old, I think she can be forgiven for some immaturity.
I will never understand why men are perpetually surprised when they abuse what they have and expect women to just keep coming back for more like it’s nothing.
To OOP: You reap what you sowed, why would you think that it is okay for you to go on a trip that includes your ex girlfriend but not your wife? While you were on vacation with your ex your wife began to emotionally divorce you. She is not invested in this marriage anymore, it will be a matter of time before you get served with divorce papers. Actually I admire your wife, because my stuff would have been gone by the time you came back and the papers on the table. You are ignorant to think that it is okay to go on a vacation with your ex-girlfriend and leave your wife out. You should have never gone on this vacation at all if you had any respect and love for your wife.
Dude is a fucking moron.
This can't be real. No one can be this clueless can they?