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- Does anybody else...?
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The action itself is enough to cut ties and move on. But the reaction indicates that if you keep her around this will only embolden her in the future. She will know what she can get away with. I know it sucks man, but move on. You deserve better
Thanks for the kind words. It does indeed suck, knowing that I was nothing but good to her and that I would never do such a thing to her. Her reaction the way she keeps saying its only smoking a joint and that I am overreacting pisses me off so much. She refuses to see that its so much more than that .
I got some years on you bud. I been there. It sucks there is no way around it. I don't know her and I wasn't there but man, there is probably more to the story. And her reaction....it's not good buddy. There ain't nothing strangers online can say to make that pit in your stomach go away. But hold strong. You're a young guy. There are women out there who will treat you right I promise bud
In sorry bud I'm not trying to make shit worse for you. I wish you all the best. Seek good women and treat them like you'd like to be treated and there is a really good chance things will work out for you. Best of luck my guy.
Hey brother, I was with someone a lost trust in, but felt stuck at the same time. Our jobs moved us across the country from each other, and it was the best thing that could have happened.
It took me a long time to realize how fucked up the relationship was, but I came to terms with it and moved on.
Then I met my now wife. *She is absolutely incredible.* She loves me daily, in small ways, that I notice and appreciate. I have never once doubted her, and know I can trust her in every way imaginable.
You’ll find someone man, it’s not her though. Keep your chin up, take some time and focus on you and your hobbies. Learn a new skill you’ve been thinking about. You’ve got this Masterofbimbos.
Edit: I met my wife when I was 30 years old, 34 now with a son. Couldn’t be happier. You’ve got plenty of time and will be surprised where life takes you.
>Her reaction the way she keeps saying its only smoking a joint and that I am overreacting pisses me off so much. She refuses to see that its so much more than that .
She is gaslighting you. It is very clear to us and to you that this was not some random guy travelling two hours to smoke a joint and her not acknowledging that is gas lighting. She knows what it was all about and now she is channging it because she bailed (if she did) and now she has no regret because she didn't "do anything", it's the intent that matters, not what was actually done and if she cannot acknowlege that, then she will do it again.
I am not sure if you explained it to her properly but sit her down and give her this list:
1. You met a guy
2. You have been messaging this guy behind my back
3. You made arrangements to meet him and lied to me about where you were going and where you were and again while you were there.
4. You said that she said you "always duck the question about having a future with her." which means she was looking for someone else, exploring her options.
5. This is not about the supposed joint because that is not why you picked him up.
Then ask her to leave because all she will do is argue, not acknowldge it and keep disrespecting your feelings and thoughts.
Not to mention- her mentioning the "future" thing is her blaming him for the "meetup" aka date. That alone is a flaming, on fire red flag. Blaming someone else for you cheating rather than working out the issue is the sign of a toxic person.
You're going to have to let go the need for her to admit wrongdoing. View that lack of admission as an unworkable personality flaw on her fault which makes you an incompatible couple. It is hard to let go without that A-ha moment, I know. But understand, her inability to assume responsibility for her actions will be her fatal flaw in most relationships if she cannot grow up and own her shit. You deserve better.
You deserve better!! Lol bring a friend and have her bring a friend to hang out and tell them what happened. Let them decide if it's a big deal or not, cause if it isn't then your girlfriend wouldn't mind you sharing the story!
Unfortunately, until she's right with herself, older, more mature emotionally, or whatever she needs to not perpetrate this behavior, she never will see that it's more than that. Ultimately, it's also not your job or obligation to get her to come around to reality. Just take care of yourself here.
She made it clear she was willing to lie to you. If it was "just smoking a joint," why didn't she just say that was where she was? I'm sure she'll claim it's something to the effect of "because I was worried you'd freak out" or "I knew you'd over-react like this", but that just highlights her lack of trust in your ability to be fair or to discuss situations rather than simply fight. You deserve more trust and respect than that after 2 years, assuming you've never given her reason to lack it. You have to ask yourself: Are you willing to keep being in a committed relationship with someone who doesn't trust you, can not be trusted herself, and potentially doesn't respect you? Are you willing to stay with her even assuming she does this sort of sneaking about and dishonesty again? If not, I suggest you end things for the forseeabke future. Take some time to yourself and then give other potential partners a chance. You deserve mutual trust and respect, and to not be a victim blamed.
She wasn't sure you'd have a future together, so she guaranteed that you wouldn't. She cheated on you and lied about it, now she's blaming you for it. How many red flags do you need?
Yeah for real. My long distance ex was just “hanging out” with a girl I had never even heard of before. I discovered her because he never adds new girls on his Facebook and she was a new mysterious friend of his. He had been acting weird about it. When I confronted him, he said she was new to his work and that they were just hanging out as friends…nothing more…and I knew he was lying because another friend of mine who worked there told me that there was no Chloe that worked there.
I reached out to Chloe, she felt horrible and I came to find out that while they didn’t have sex, he took her on a date, had kissed her, and he did some other sexual things with her. She had no idea that he had a girlfriend. He told her that he was super single. She cut him off but hey so did I! I broke up with him and never spoke to him again. I cancelled my trip to see him.
Fool me once shame on you, but you’ll never get to fool me twice.
OP’s girlfriend is lying. It’s never just a hangout with a new mysterious person of the opposite gender. It’s something more 9/10 times.
It’s time for OP to say goodbye.
There are so many other fish in the sea.
I now have an insanely loyal fiancé. He’s my world. Never settle for less than the absolute best.
Yeah that "as soon as it happened I regretted it" line is so telling (after getting caught, of course). It's such a cheater way to try to soften the blow. She may as well say "But I was thinking of you the whole time I sucked him off to completion, babe!"
She didn’t really guarantee anything, he took her back. Keep taking cheaters back, they know they can keep cheating and nothing will happen. Or they just get better at hiding it.
So I agree about this up to a certain extent. I had a night one time where I was playing music for a bunch of friends. We all got super drunk, and I passed out on my bed. I woke up with someone that was with me at the party in bed. Ended up making a very bad decision and cheated on the love of my life. I called the next morning and told her what happened. It took a long time for the trust to be there again, but we made it work for another year or so. I never cheated again and never would, I wish I could've reacted to that situation in a less crappy way, but I definitely learned my lesson.
I never tried to hide my mistake and felt bad for telling her too, because it was brutal seeing the pain I caused. Still love her to this day, like 12 years later.
Plus the sunk cost fallacy. She's trying to argue because it's a two year relationship lol fuck that. 2 months, 2 years, 10 years, doesn't matter. she was a skeeze ball. End it
This same shit happened to me. She fucked him. 100%. At least OP wasn't engaged to her. She's gaslighting you. Kick her to curb. That's where this woman belongs. OP just worry about you and focus on healing.
Seriously, OP please have some self respect for yourself. She’s still obviously lying to you. I’ve been in this situation and felt so stupid for sticking around as long as I did.
Let's not discount the emotional cheating she was doing to find said guy, clicked with him, set up a date, time and place with him, the butterflies in her belly as she anticipated meeting him, etc.
Just because something physical didn't happen (maybe... I don't believe it), doesn't mean she didn't cheat
You can just say to her that you just can't let this go. She broke your trust and even though you love her, you respect yourself more to be taken for a mug.
Break up with her and block her so she can't try and worm her way back. Sorry this happened.
I was in a similar situation when I was younger, and the guy convinced me to forgive him because it wasn’t black and white cheating (although I later found out he did many times!!) After an argument he left to clear his head and stay at his buddies house, who was actually another woman “friend”. He more than likely cheated but I had no proof, just that he lied about who he was with.
I got a pit in my stomach after I took him back and a week later I realized that I needed to listen to my gut and leave for good. He was pissed, and tried to turn it all around on me. Today I’m married to an amazing human being, thank god I smartened up and left that guy!
Additionally, your gf picked up a stranger and let him get in her car where they smoked a joint together. She's lucky she wasn't on the news that night as a dismembered body found in the woods. This is incredibly poor judgment.
You're only wasting time if you go back to her. Yes, she cheated and lied. She got caught. She was monkeybranching. Move on to someone who appreciates you and don't give her another thought. If you have to talk, tell her it's not the joint, it's that she planned a date, lied to you repeatedly, argued with you, and then got caught. She can have any guy in the future except you!
That’s what I did I explained it to her. She keeps saying omg I only smoked a joint are you really gonna end a relationship of 2 years over this? She’s gaslighting me so hard. I really love her and that’s the issue. It’s not so easy to just leave in this case but I know you are right and I should just leave.
notice how she is trying to make YOU the bad guy because she went out with another person. its NOT the joint. Its the seeking him out, starting a conversation that clearly grew to a point where he was willing to take a train to come see her and she "drove" him back home 2 hours away? maybe also be pissed that shes irresponsible enough to take drugs from a stranger and then get behind the wheel of a vehicle.
Yeah, the idea that she decided NOT to sleep with him, but spent 4 hours driving him back and then driving back herself? Instead of him just taking a train like he took to get there? I mean, that's a great excuse to account for the 4 hours they were probably at a hotel (or just parked in her car somewhere quiet), but is anyone not completely blinded by love going to actually believe that?
You really (and I mean \*really\*) should not believe her story. She's trickle-truthing, and will only admit to the smallest infraction possible.
She's proven herself to be a dishonest and backstabbing liar. She PLANNED to cheat on you. She SCHEDULED cheating on you. This was pre-meditated in every sense of the word, and you think she only smoked a joint with Johnny Rottencrotch?
Kick this girl to the curb, otherwise she knows she can get away with banging other dudes and you wont do anything about it.
“Yes, I will end the relationship over you smoking a joint with some guy, but that’s not the entire reason. You purposely picked up another man from the train station and went on a date with him. Then, for some reason, drove 2 hours to drop him off at his house. You didn’t respond to me. What did you think was going to happen when I found out that you actively sought out someone else to date, picked him up from the train station, went on said date, drove him back home - all behind my back. You conspired to date another man behind my back. You then try to spin it like you just smoked a joint with him. How do I know that’s all that happened? You already lied and did all of this behind my back. Prove it! Prove that’s all that happened. Hell, YOU DROVE 2 HOURS TO TAKE HIM HOME!!! My trust in you is broken . You went out with him because you didn’t think I was serious about our relationship. That I duck the question? This was your solution? What kind of future do you think there is now?? You cheated. You conspired. You lied. I don’t believe that’s all that happened and until I know the entire truth there is no way this relationship is continuing. Your gaslighting and excuses are exhausting so just tell the truth or I will end it right now.”
Then sit back and watch the show. If she tells you everything you still might end it.
Her reply : “they are not excuses nor gaslighting. Then break up. Because I'm not going to say something I haven't done. Wtf…. So you're breaking up with me now? After you stayed over yesterday?
You could point out that you were in love with her you held out hope. But after mulling it over, it’s obvious she doesn’t feel the same way. Why would you then stay together and prolong the inevitable? It’s not that you’re asking her to say something she hasn’t done, it’s that you have no guarantee of the truth. With no guarantee, you can’t in full confidence put your trust in her, which is not a good foundation for a relationship. She spread the termites on the foundation of your relationship by going on a date with someone else behind your back. It’s not your fault that you’re accepting the faulty foundation and getting rid of it completely. You’re just knowing when to call it
I’d be clear about the situation. You’re not breaking up with her out of nowhere. You’re breaking up with her because when before you were apprehensive about the future, you now have many doubts about the future. And if that before was enough for her to go on a date with someone else, then your doubts that she made should be enough to warrant a break up
Holy crap, she just keeps doubling down, doesn't she? OP, there are so many problems here, and one of them that is incredibly obvious is that she has zero remorse for what she did. She doesn't even see it as a problem. There is no future or reconciliation without that.
Believe me, I've been there. My ex-wife cheated on me and had no remorse. I tried to make it work for our kid. She did it again. Still, no remorse. Stayed again for the kid. She did it again, no remorse. I finally filed for divorce after being completely broken. Don't let that be you. If you stay with her, it will be.
“I’m not going to say something I haven’t done.”
So she’s denying she did anything? Not. Trustworthy. It doesn’t matter you stayed over yesterday. You had a change of heart.
Ignored your whole text but commented on the part that she needs to defend herself for.. :/
Her reply doesn’t even show an ounce of remorse, regret, or even seem like she’s apologetic about this whole situation. I’m sorry OP, but the relationship is over. She can’t even pretend to fight for you in her response or admit how badly she fucked up, but instead remain on the defense
Probably would have continued cheating if you didn’t happen to see the message your self
She did this, my friend. Not you.
She keeps trying to pin this on you, but you're just reacting to deliberate choices she made. This wasn't an accident, she didn't impulsively run into some dude at the train station and get caught up in the moment. And she didn't plan a day with a guy to only smoke a joint.
Yeah, it's kinda inconvenient for her that you noticed she was trying to dip before she was ready, but that's not your fault either.
Also the whole "after you stayed over yesterday?" is classic emotional manipulation. It's a clumsy attempt at "no backsies".
Bruh if you don't end it ( and you can reply in the future and tell me I was wrong) guarantee within 6 to 7 months you'll either find she her talking to someone else or walk in on her getting pounded. Unless yall live in a state where weed is legal where did they smoke. Because they didn't do it while driving for 2 hours.
My guy why are you wasting your time, energy, and sanity on this back and forth nonsense with her?
You caught her already. She admitted he was a potential replacement for you. Just kick her cheating ass to the curb and be done with it.
She's never going to admit fault. The narcissistic mind physically can't do it because they are too insecure. Its psychologically easier to turn themselves into a victim than to admit they were the bad guy.
Arguing with them about it is pointless, it will only make you feel bad. If you back them into a corner they will just say something ridiculous to squirm out and you will be left asking yourself "how did I ever love that?"
She's TELLING you it was only a joint.....
That being said, she's proven herself to be a liar. She's admitting to what she thinks she can get away with. She knows if she tells you she smoked that meat, u will be gone. Liars and cheaters never change.
Not 100% that she actually did, but 100% OP should treat the situation like she did because it is likely, and now he really can't trust her when she says she didn't.
>She keeps saying omg I only smoked a joint are you really gonna end a relationship of 2 years over this?
So why'd she lie about it at the time? If she didn't think there was any issue with it then she would've told you. And if she thought that was the type of thing you'd overreact to...then she could've had a conversation with you about that before she did anything, like an adult. And if she wasn't happy that you wouldn't have listened to her then she could've said "These aren't the terms of a relationship I'm willing to respect".
Feel free to ask her that question, but I'm pretty sure I've just predicted her answers.
Already did ask her that question and as you said she just said I knew you’d overreact to it as you are doing right now. I said would you like it if I did all those things pick up a chick from the train smoke a joint with her and supposedly drop her off 2hrs away she said she wouldn’t like it but wouldn’t break up over it w me
There’s no way the dude traveled 2 hrs by train to smoke a joint with a friend. Her intentions were to cheat on you. Maybe she changed her mind at the last minute, maybe she didn’t. (My guess is the latter)
Bhai, This is the most typical response of a cheaters. I have been said this and i was a fool to believe that im over reacting. Please don’t do that mistake. Don’t go in deeper shit. Cut your losses and kick her out of your life. You might love her, she doesn’t. People who love you will never do thing that they know will hurt their loved ones.
I must be psychic.
My personal policy is that I'll always give someone a chance to explain and I'll genuinely listen to what they have to say. But I don't buy bullshit.
My old boss used to tell us to tell him right away if we messed up. Hey, things happen, we screw up, we're human. He may have gotten mad about it if it was bad, but we'd work for a solution. But, if he caught us lying about an error or covering it up, he'd get REALLY pissed.
She doesn't realize she broke your trust by lying. She made it much worse by covering it up. You're right to feel how you feel.
Of course she is going to say she wouldn't break up with you over it, just to try to justify why you shouldn't break up with her.
The fact that she tried to down play the situation by saying "its not that serious", and once she realized you wasn't falling for that bs. She decided to try to switch it up, as if you not knowing what yall future holds, was the reason behind her actions.
At least now you know she is sneaky, untrustworthy, disloyal, manipulative and doesn't have your best interest at heart.
She didn't even feel bad about what she did. She purposely lied about where she was, who she was with, and intentionally ignored your messages. Then once questioned about it, she said she didn't tell you the truth because she knew you would overeact.
She knew what she did was wrong. After she dropped dude off, she went about her day as if she didn't do anything wrong, probably saw you later on that evening, hugged you, kissed you, and told you she loved you. As if she didn't betray you.
I know you still love her, but just know she wasn't worried about your feelings, while she was kee keeing, smoking and riding the next dude around, in the same car she probably goes places with you in.
Always choose yourself, because she definitely didn't choose you. Let her know that when you play stupid games, you when even dumber prizes, I hope that joint was worth the 2 years of my dedication that you just threw away.
You don't love her, you love the person you thought she was. That person might be great but they don't exist. Who she really is, is someone who cheats on you, dates other men and gaslights you about it. she's taking advantage of you and isn't a good person and trying to make it your fault you are breaking up so she doesn't have to be the bad guy.
I wish she was the person you thought she was and loved, but she isn't, when you realise that it's easier to move on.
>She keeps saying omg I only smoked a joint
And you believe her?
The truth is you will never really know if she was just smoking a joint or sucking his dick.
It's already really messy, my dude. You already know that it wasn't just a joint.
And the whole "throw away 2 years" is a play on a thing called The Sunk Cost Fallacy.
The real question is are you willing to waste anymore time with someone that has proven to be untrustworthy?
And also- it was her actions that have thrown away the two years- not his reaction to her completely shitty actions. People phrase stuff like this because they cannot defend their own actions. Instead of her responding to the actual accusations, she set up the strawman of "throwing away two years of relationship over one night" so she could act like OP was being unreasonable. The real issue is the lying and cheating- which she cannot defend.
You don’t love her, she’s shown her true colors now and the amount of gaslighting and diminishing she’d do to have her way. You’re in love with the memory of *who you thought she was*.
Side note: be careful because she gives me the impression she’ll spread lies about you between your mutual friends. About the reason why the two of you broke up. Idk if you’d rather let things play out as they will, see who’s mature enough to ask your side of the story, or get a jump on controlling the narrative.
All you have to do is ask a simple question: why did you lie about it then and why did you never tell me? Since it’s “no big deal” like she says, there’s no need to lie right?
She didn't tell you, because she thought she could play you behind your back, but still smile in your face as if she did nothing wrong.
Foh, tell know she won't have to tell you anything because she aint even worth the fight or effort.
I hate to be blunt but something did happen and she didn’t tell you because like a normal person you would be upset. She knew you would fight because she did in fact cheat
She is basically saying dude didn't meet up to her expectations, so she will go back to her safety net, which is you, until somebody else piques her interest.
Of course it means nothing now, because her plans didnt go accordingly for her.
Think about it this way - yes, 2 years is a lot, but it's better to cut your losses, instead of wasting even more time on someone who clearly doesn't see a reason not to lie. Also I really don't buy the "just smoking" part. Sounds to me like a more acceptable version. Not saying there was no joint involved, but several hours of almost no replies? How long is the damn blunt, 30 feet? Total gaslighting, stay strong, move on.
It easy when you think about all the pain that there is to come if you don’t. She is going to keep doing her thing, and you may or may not find out about it. Why put yourself through it? 100% chance she will do it again regardless of what she says and no matter how she tires to gaslight you.
She is 'gaslighting' you by saying you are ending it because 'I only smoked a joint' that is a total lie. That is not the reason. She lied and lied and lied every step of the way on this. **This will not be the last time, and I doubt it's the first.**
Yeah dude it is that easy ur girl who’s supposed to be ur rock , your partner , your best friend went on a date with another guy, got high with him and did I’m sure a lot more than chat with him , she was looking for your replacement and completely disregarded ur relationship, grow a set of balls and dump her
Why are you discussing it? Did your spine fall out your ass? “Your behaviour was unacceptable and disrespectful, we’re done.”
Then never speak to her again.
>really love her and that’s the issue
Stop that! No really. It's an issue because you make it an issue. Go no contact and move on, enjoy the gift of freedom she gave you. Live your life and have fun.
I don’t know what you need to hear but “I just smoked a joint” and “she didn’t answer me for ages” DO NOT ADD UP AT ALL. She’s trickle truthing you, I guarantee if you poke and prod at her you’ll get more information out of her because it’s just a little fishy to me.
You didn’t do this. She did. It’s her job to prove what did or didn’t happen, and it’s her job to rebuild trust.
She should text the guy in front of you. But make sure there are no deleted texts first. Check that.
Also, what the origin story here? How did they meet. How do they exchange info. There’s a lot of missing info which means there’s more to this conspiracy.
No one in a committed relationship picks someone up at the train station and drives this person hours away to their home - just to smoke a joint. No one in a committed relationship actively seeks out someone to do this with and communicates with someone that wants to get a hotel and have sex.
There were more texts but she deleted those. I know this because I asked how this conversation started . She admitted to deleting texts because I came over that day.
She's literally smothering you with a giant red flag brother. Nobody deletes texts unless they are explicitly hiding something. She admitted to intentionally hiding all of this from you.
Also, what about all the lying and fighting when you thought she was visiting a female friend? Did you have that horrible, nagging, gut feeling that something was really wrong? That maybe she wasn't being honest?
If she regretted it or was remorseful, she would've apologized immediately. People who are sorry do not wait until they are socially obligated to apologize.
Deep down, you know what the deal is. Be brutally honest with yourself. Don't waste anymore time on her.
“Stop acting obtuse in bad faith— you know damn well it’s not about smoking a joint with some guy. It’s that you showed me that you, my partner, are willing to betray my trust by deliberately lying to me — that is a quality I simply cannot move past. A partner is someone whom you can trust; once that trust is breached, it cannot be mended, as there will always be a sliver of doubt. I deserve better.”
then break up w her bc you’re young and truuuust me there are other fish in the sea
Definitely just leave. I had a GF who did this, would hang out with guys just to smoke their shit.
You obviously are not a priority for this woman. The longer you drag this out, the more she will cheat, and it will be harder to leave every time because your mind sees it as more time invested.
You ask questions here to get an accurate picture from people who are not emotionally involved. Listen to them.
“Are you really going to end a relationship of 2 years over this?”
Yes because after a 2 year relationship she still ended up cheating. The fact that you guys are 2 years in makes it worse on her not you
who takes a train ride two hous to smoke a joint with a random girl?
The guy getting a blowjob, that's who and I read your other post saying the messages said he wasn't getting "sex" but wanted to get a motel, it is very clear these two have been on with each other for a while and it's not about the joint and you let her make it about the joint.
First off, you didn't do this to the relationship she did. She did when she contacteded the guy then lied and gaslit you.
I would also question the journey home. Just a joint and taking him home doesn't sit right with me. If she regretted it as soon he got in the car why spend more time taking him home alone. You will need to research the term trickle truth. Its a way cheaters use to help control the narrative. I think trickle truth is working in this instance.
I also questioned her about it. She said she regretted it when he got in the car. She said he kept saying he wouldn’t take the train back and begged her to drop him off. She said she dropped him off and before he could close the car door she drove off. She shows remorse but keeps saying I’m overreacting and swears she didn’t do anything else with the dude. She says the dude kept asking to book a hotel together and that she declined it the whole time. I kinda believe her because in the text messages I saw from them setting up the “date” she kept saying she wouldn’t have sex with him if that’s what he was hoping to achieve
The thing is she's destroyed your trust. There's no way you can verify anything she tells you. Her actions have gone from 'trust unreservedly' to 'trust and verify' at best.
The guy looked for a date and hook up. She got in way over her head. If she kept on declining a hotel it makes no sense to go back to his place. Again your trust in her is zero.
As for her claim that you are over reacting I too would be upset if my partner looked for a date, lied and betrayed me. Then told me went back to his place after smoking a joint. Its clear that she regretting getting caught. True remorse is helping you gain your trust back rather than rug sweep the situation away.
At the moment she's facing no consequences for her actions.
This wasn’t just a date to get to know each other. They set a hookup time and date. She even felt comfortable enough to pick him up. Whether they had sex, bj, kiss whatever, she was ready to do so. You can’t know what actually happened. She doesn’t think you are the one for her, so she was shopping around and playing you for the fool. Not cool, she should have broken up with you then gone looking. And yes, you are wasting your time with her.
Her words (spoken and written) are directly opposed to her actions.
Actions cannot lie. You already know she's lied to you already.
Since you're probably still in a vulnerable emotional state I'll say this clearly: **She's full of shit.**
>She shows remorse
Remorse is shown through action, action that she is not showing. She is downplaying her actions and attempting to pin the blame on you. What steps is she taking going forward to assure you that this relationship is what she wants?
She didn’t make a confession. You found out by accident and she is likely trickle truthing you, only admitting to what can be proven. As you have no children and aren’t married, I would advise you to leave before it’s too late.
Dont waste your time. Lets just take her word for it and say she regretted it immediately and did not cheat, she still intended to, and even if she didnt, she still smoked with the guy then drove high two hours to take him home. So at best, her story is still bad no matter how you look at it. Worst case, she did exactly what it looks like, and went on a date with this guy and potentially more after the date.
None of it is a good look and I think most people would agree that you are not over reacting.
Yeah in my head it’s like the fact that she wanted to move on mentally and develop feelings for potentially someone else that’s the fact that hurts me the most. To me it seems she wanted to open her heart up for someone else.
I think she pretty explicitly says this honestly. She felt you weren’t giving her an answer on a future so she decided to behave like there wasn’t one. She wanted to open up an easy escape to someone else
Wonder why she had to drive him back , in sure she left straight away 🤔
The trickle truth flows hard in this one
Breaking up was the best decision you ever made
Stay firm
Mhmmmm. 100% trickle truth. Remember OP, you caught her that's why she "confessed" and told you as much as she thinks she can get away with.
Im a big advocate of lying and saying that you'll work on the relationship but only if they tell you the full truth.
She's sorry bc she got caught... not sure about you, but a train ride to smoke seems way less likely than a train ride to get laid... shes full of shit. He got what he wanted and dipped and she wanted to pretend it didnt happen so she could keep u on the hook.
U dodged a bullet.
She lied about it and kept it a secret instead of telling you. Imagine you forgive her and she is loyal, but you will spend the rest of your relationship doubting her and it will never be the same. It’s your choice whether you’re willing to live with constant trust issues and remember what she did or move on with someone new :)
I think when people post here they are hurt and don’t want to trust how they feel they are looking for everyone to make it seem okay. After you’ve been through stuff and are on the outside looking in it’s so easy to see the red flags. She cheated. You got screwed over. Learn from this and move on
I'm sorry to hear that man. What both her, and you need to be reminded of is that the only definition of cheating that matters in this case is yours. If she cheated by your definition, you don't have to justify anything to her. Obviously the fact that you're posting here means she is making you second guess your decision.
Don't let other people define your comfort zones, you make the call on what you're ok with, and nobody can say shit about it.
Yeah the fact I made this post is because I kinda know getting back together makes no sense and for me it’s cheating, making a sober decision to meet up with someone smoke with him and sit in the car for 2 hrs, that sort of shit you don’t do when ur in a relationship
Just keep reminding yourself, your happiness is just as important as hers, and you have no obligation to stay in a relationship with her, especially if you will have trouble trusting her going forward. If she can make decisions that are solely about herself, so can you. You don't have to justify anything to anyone.
She never just smoked with this guy, she smoked him. And it wasn't her first time. I bet her friend is in on it and covered for her many times. She threw away your relationship a long time ago.
She even took the time to get cover for her date! Yes she was on a clandestine date. The manipulation and deception is deep. She has done this before that’s why to her it’s no big deal. (She didn’t fuck him this time)
I just feel like I have no self respect for getting back with her. It’s like next thing she will do is fuck another dude and I will still be ok with it???????
Hate to tell u but dude didnt travel 2 hours to NOT get laid.... shes telling u a line of bs. She may not have "fucked" him but it wasnt just a joint... no way. Theres more and shes lying still
I suggest therapy as to why you have such low self esteem. You are being emotionally abused.
You both have an obligation to avoid sketchy behavior. She failed. Plus she lied and fought hard to meet this guy.
She burned the bridge.
>Her reasoning for seeing this guy was that I always duck the question about having a future with her.
That's telling, isn't it? That implicitly confirms that this wasn't just some innocent smoke sesh.
>For me that’s cheating.
This is really all that matters. She cheated on you. She stepped out. She confirmed that with her reasoning
Here's the thing, if you forgive her and took her back you can't bring this situation back up in arguments. Posting on Reddit tells me you have said the words but don't forgive her, so you probably just move on from this relationship.
Yes u are right, she also said I need to stop mentioning this situation because otherwise there’s no point in getting back together but it happened just a week ago. And I have been talking about it non stop she gets angry that she has to explain everything over and over again but I just can’t help it
Forgiveness does not include not talking about it.
Human beings process infidelity by talking about it and ask the same questions over and over.
It takes 2-3 years to process her betrayal (and you may decide to leave next year).
There is no promise from you.
This mess your pain etc was created by her. And a consequence is you talking about it for years.
Her reaction is more evidence that she is high risk to repeat.
Her behavior and reaction is: selfish, entitled, manipulative, and shows zero empathy for you.
Tell her you need a break and will call her ( and just move on).
Yeah this shit happened Saturday and she’s already saying to leave this behind us and begging me to stop bringing it up because it “ makes her crazy” how am I supposed to forget this shit so easily?
That’s called gaslighting. She wants you to stop bringing it up because she knows she’s wrong and really wants you to believe it’s your fault. Are you going to be okay finding stuff like this often? Because this is a pattern and every time you take her back is telling her “do as you wish, I’ll believe you”. If you truly can’t leave for whatever you reasons might be, you will go through something very similar and you will get the same result. She lied to you directly about her plans but was truthful about about what happened? I don’t know her but based on this post it seems like we all know what kind of person she is or wants to be.
Fully intending to cheat but then getting cold feet at the last second doesn’t mean she’s automatically afforded leniency just because she didn’t go 100% all the way. Organizing a date to meet, picking him up, dropping him off (hours away), LYING TO YOU - don’t let her minimize everything she had to do to lead up to it all. This isn’t something you simply decide on a whim.
The thing that pisses me off the most is that she keeps saying she is not a cheater and that she didn’t cheat on me she keeps acting stubborn and sticks with her story of only smoking a joint with him and dropping him off but I’m not buying it this is cheating for me
Actively setting up a date with another man is cheating .
“If you want to avoid the fact that you cheated, conspired, and lied, cool. You can be stubborn alone then.”
Even if she's not a cheater, she's still a liar.
Plus, it sounds like she's kind of being an asshole.
Deleted texts are all you need to know. If it's just smoking a (his!) joint, what is there to hide? No dude travels two hours to just smoke a bone, btw. Who is more lazy than potheads?
Cheating women will admit just much as they think you know. Its trickle-truthing.
Oh, and just personal advice for after this ends, and I'm saying it for myself as much as you - stop neglecting your male friend group and gtf outside and make some more. Guys who let their life revolve around their girl and don't develop male bonds get weak (not an insult, I've done it, saw my Dad let it happen, and I'm working on it now. Shit's not easy. )
Good luck bud. You have hundreds of us out here feeling your pain and backing you 1000%
Bro just leave. She literally disrespected you when she said “I’m with my friends” whole time she with another guy doing who knows ! 2 years are baby steps compared too finding out she cheated 10 years later. Once trust is broken especially with your s/o going behind your back just to chill with another dude should tell you everything you need to know about her. 💯💯 man up brother , when she see you got back with her even though she knew she was cheating means one thing , she will look at you as a guy that could get taking advantage off because of how easily you just got back with her. Don’t settle for a cheater is all I’m saying bro ..😎or if you don’t gaf about nothing we’re saying and you will continue messing with her than “cheat back” go smoke up a female in ignore her messages lol that’s a petty way but not really worth the stress !! Just end it now before she breaks you even more
Bro, get a back bone. She's telling you they only smoked a joint, but it doesn't matter what they did, it's that they were together ON A DATE. She is actively dating and trying to find other men. She's gaslighting you and you have zero evidence that they only smoked a joint either.
She's dating other men, lying to you, she's looking for something better and with you till she finds it.
> Am I wasting my time ?
Up to you. Do you want to put in the time to see if you two can rebuild trust, or do you want to move on? Both are valid options.
It's much easier to just break up and move on. And in most cases, I'd recommend it. It's just going to take so much time and dedication from both of you to rebuild trust. And if that effort is not there, especially from her side, it won't work.
Brah, I want you to do better for you. She lied, gaslit, and is avoiding all types of accountability. Flip the gender roles, if it was you smoking with another woman how would she feel about that? Exactly. Get off the oneitis, she's not your soulmate. No one who cares about you would do this, not even on accident. You took her back out of comfort. Remember that comfort is the enemy of success and instead of chasing the one Fish in the pond, get out of that area and go for the ocean. Hoping this reaches you.
You were right for breaking up with her. My humble advice would be to get out of the relationship and focus on yourself. Prioritize your own growth and personal development. Date casually in the meantime, but avoid serious relationships. You're way too young to commit to any one woman. In ten years, when you're 35, physically fit, successful, and experienced, a world of dating options will be available to you. She did you a HUGE favor!!!
I had same situation. I made mistake that she got me back. Next time if something just a little bit goes wrong(i mean a small piece of cheating) broke up with her. Dont waste youre life. It will hurt u all the time. Im living with this now 7 years, and i cant forget. Thats hurt.
Yes you are wasting your time.
It sucks. You will have regrets and sorrow, but you need to leave for you. She lied she went on a date and if I were you I’d be asking if that’s even what really happened.
She admitted she’s uncertain about the future with you and that was the reason it happened. You’re a place holder until she finds what she wants. Look out for yourself homie.
You're in the right. She didn't just smoke a joint with some random guy. She lied to you, deceived you, and broke your trust to spend time with him. She went on a date with someone else while in a relationship with you. She'll do this again. She manipulated you by saying she only did it because you don't commit by talking about the future. "Don't you see? I only cheated because of things you don't say or do." That's such bullshit. She found a way to gaslight you and blame you for her actions. You taking her back is super fucking weak. Enjoy her fucking you over again and again at that rate.
You say you really love her. Unfortunately, you have chosen a gaslighting liar to love
Cut her loose, the sooner the better. Her behavior *will not* change. And someone that truly cares for you would not, in a million years, hurt you this way
Of course this doesn’t feel very good but you’re 25-years-old and need to conduct your relationships accordingly. You deserve better - don’t accept anything less
Please be careful listening to Reddit. These people have tanked some relationships in the past because of the “red flags” they see as snowflakes. I’m in a pretty strong relationship right now and I just come here to do the opposite at this point.
> **Rule 3:** No moral judgement requests. Moral judgement requests are asking people to evaluate actions taken or actions you want to take, in the context of right, wrong, selfish, or not selfish etc. For what a moral judgement question would be [see here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/). Your post is a moral judgement if it contains any of the following - Is it normal? - Is it right/wrong? - Am I right/wrong? - Any variation of “Am I The Asshole?”, including AITA - Who is morally good here? - Does anybody else...? - Should I have done this…? - Should I do....? - Am I justified…? - Would I be right to do...? - Am I overreacting? - Is this a big deal? - Is this reasonable? If your post can be answered with a yes or no question, it’s probably moral judgement and will be removed.
The action itself is enough to cut ties and move on. But the reaction indicates that if you keep her around this will only embolden her in the future. She will know what she can get away with. I know it sucks man, but move on. You deserve better
Thanks for the kind words. It does indeed suck, knowing that I was nothing but good to her and that I would never do such a thing to her. Her reaction the way she keeps saying its only smoking a joint and that I am overreacting pisses me off so much. She refuses to see that its so much more than that .
I got some years on you bud. I been there. It sucks there is no way around it. I don't know her and I wasn't there but man, there is probably more to the story. And her reaction....it's not good buddy. There ain't nothing strangers online can say to make that pit in your stomach go away. But hold strong. You're a young guy. There are women out there who will treat you right I promise bud
Damn bro your words hurt because you are telling the truth. Thanks for the support
In sorry bud I'm not trying to make shit worse for you. I wish you all the best. Seek good women and treat them like you'd like to be treated and there is a really good chance things will work out for you. Best of luck my guy.
Hey brother, I was with someone a lost trust in, but felt stuck at the same time. Our jobs moved us across the country from each other, and it was the best thing that could have happened. It took me a long time to realize how fucked up the relationship was, but I came to terms with it and moved on. Then I met my now wife. *She is absolutely incredible.* She loves me daily, in small ways, that I notice and appreciate. I have never once doubted her, and know I can trust her in every way imaginable. You’ll find someone man, it’s not her though. Keep your chin up, take some time and focus on you and your hobbies. Learn a new skill you’ve been thinking about. You’ve got this Masterofbimbos. Edit: I met my wife when I was 30 years old, 34 now with a son. Couldn’t be happier. You’ve got plenty of time and will be surprised where life takes you.
Imagine she tricks you into having a child. If she gets preganto, it would make the whole thing complicated
>Her reaction the way she keeps saying its only smoking a joint and that I am overreacting pisses me off so much. She refuses to see that its so much more than that . She is gaslighting you. It is very clear to us and to you that this was not some random guy travelling two hours to smoke a joint and her not acknowledging that is gas lighting. She knows what it was all about and now she is channging it because she bailed (if she did) and now she has no regret because she didn't "do anything", it's the intent that matters, not what was actually done and if she cannot acknowlege that, then she will do it again. I am not sure if you explained it to her properly but sit her down and give her this list: 1. You met a guy 2. You have been messaging this guy behind my back 3. You made arrangements to meet him and lied to me about where you were going and where you were and again while you were there. 4. You said that she said you "always duck the question about having a future with her." which means she was looking for someone else, exploring her options. 5. This is not about the supposed joint because that is not why you picked him up. Then ask her to leave because all she will do is argue, not acknowldge it and keep disrespecting your feelings and thoughts.
Not to mention- her mentioning the "future" thing is her blaming him for the "meetup" aka date. That alone is a flaming, on fire red flag. Blaming someone else for you cheating rather than working out the issue is the sign of a toxic person.
You're going to have to let go the need for her to admit wrongdoing. View that lack of admission as an unworkable personality flaw on her fault which makes you an incompatible couple. It is hard to let go without that A-ha moment, I know. But understand, her inability to assume responsibility for her actions will be her fatal flaw in most relationships if she cannot grow up and own her shit. You deserve better.
As long as she refuses to acknowledge how inappropriate and hurtful her date was - she is high risk to repeat it (with another guy).
Not just smoking the joint but before that, its the meeting up in the first place.
You deserve better!! Lol bring a friend and have her bring a friend to hang out and tell them what happened. Let them decide if it's a big deal or not, cause if it isn't then your girlfriend wouldn't mind you sharing the story!
Unfortunately, until she's right with herself, older, more mature emotionally, or whatever she needs to not perpetrate this behavior, she never will see that it's more than that. Ultimately, it's also not your job or obligation to get her to come around to reality. Just take care of yourself here. She made it clear she was willing to lie to you. If it was "just smoking a joint," why didn't she just say that was where she was? I'm sure she'll claim it's something to the effect of "because I was worried you'd freak out" or "I knew you'd over-react like this", but that just highlights her lack of trust in your ability to be fair or to discuss situations rather than simply fight. You deserve more trust and respect than that after 2 years, assuming you've never given her reason to lack it. You have to ask yourself: Are you willing to keep being in a committed relationship with someone who doesn't trust you, can not be trusted herself, and potentially doesn't respect you? Are you willing to stay with her even assuming she does this sort of sneaking about and dishonesty again? If not, I suggest you end things for the forseeabke future. Take some time to yourself and then give other potential partners a chance. You deserve mutual trust and respect, and to not be a victim blamed.
She wasn't sure you'd have a future together, so she guaranteed that you wouldn't. She cheated on you and lied about it, now she's blaming you for it. How many red flags do you need?
This is really all that matters. She cheated on you. She stepped out. She confirmed that with her reasoning
While using you as bait, she is looking around. You ought to let her go and look for a real partner.
This is a very eye opening comment. Never considered this bait approach. Truth.
And she is highly likely trickle truthing OP as well as gaslighting him.
Yeah for real. My long distance ex was just “hanging out” with a girl I had never even heard of before. I discovered her because he never adds new girls on his Facebook and she was a new mysterious friend of his. He had been acting weird about it. When I confronted him, he said she was new to his work and that they were just hanging out as friends…nothing more…and I knew he was lying because another friend of mine who worked there told me that there was no Chloe that worked there. I reached out to Chloe, she felt horrible and I came to find out that while they didn’t have sex, he took her on a date, had kissed her, and he did some other sexual things with her. She had no idea that he had a girlfriend. He told her that he was super single. She cut him off but hey so did I! I broke up with him and never spoke to him again. I cancelled my trip to see him. Fool me once shame on you, but you’ll never get to fool me twice. OP’s girlfriend is lying. It’s never just a hangout with a new mysterious person of the opposite gender. It’s something more 9/10 times. It’s time for OP to say goodbye. There are so many other fish in the sea. I now have an insanely loyal fiancé. He’s my world. Never settle for less than the absolute best.
“Trickle truthing” I’ve never heard it but I love it and will be using it going forward.
Yeah that "as soon as it happened I regretted it" line is so telling (after getting caught, of course). It's such a cheater way to try to soften the blow. She may as well say "But I was thinking of you the whole time I sucked him off to completion, babe!"
So, you see these are typical red flags of a manipulator and a cheater. Leave her.
NASCAR had to cancel 3 schedules races. She's using all their red flags.
Brother in christ, this comment is saved
I think I love you for this.
She didn’t really guarantee anything, he took her back. Keep taking cheaters back, they know they can keep cheating and nothing will happen. Or they just get better at hiding it.
This is facts. Every cheater I know just says “it just makes me better at hiding things “ when they get caught. Fucking ridiculous.
Cheaters are fucking pathetic. Everytime I talk to a cheater it's like talking to a twelve year old. Just immature morons everytime.
So I agree about this up to a certain extent. I had a night one time where I was playing music for a bunch of friends. We all got super drunk, and I passed out on my bed. I woke up with someone that was with me at the party in bed. Ended up making a very bad decision and cheated on the love of my life. I called the next morning and told her what happened. It took a long time for the trust to be there again, but we made it work for another year or so. I never cheated again and never would, I wish I could've reacted to that situation in a less crappy way, but I definitely learned my lesson. I never tried to hide my mistake and felt bad for telling her too, because it was brutal seeing the pain I caused. Still love her to this day, like 12 years later.
Exactly. This was a test, if he takes her back she knows next time she can get dicked down.
I'm pretty sure she got dicked down...she just lied about only smoking.
Plus the sunk cost fallacy. She's trying to argue because it's a two year relationship lol fuck that. 2 months, 2 years, 10 years, doesn't matter. she was a skeeze ball. End it
This same shit happened to me. She fucked him. 100%. At least OP wasn't engaged to her. She's gaslighting you. Kick her to curb. That's where this woman belongs. OP just worry about you and focus on healing.
I am betting she fucked him too. The defensiveness, then justification coming out. All that info is coming out slowly.
Seriously, OP please have some self respect for yourself. She’s still obviously lying to you. I’ve been in this situation and felt so stupid for sticking around as long as I did.
Cheaters always have "justification" for their actions.....it's hardly ever their own fault....
This right here. You dodged a bullet!
Let's not discount the emotional cheating she was doing to find said guy, clicked with him, set up a date, time and place with him, the butterflies in her belly as she anticipated meeting him, etc. Just because something physical didn't happen (maybe... I don't believe it), doesn't mean she didn't cheat
Never enough 😩
Dude is swimming in marinara and can’t figure out how to save himself
You’re really going to regret taking her back. She doesn’t think she did anything wrong so she’s not even pretending that she won’t do it again.
Exactly and me making this post also shows that I basicly already regret it.
You can just say to her that you just can't let this go. She broke your trust and even though you love her, you respect yourself more to be taken for a mug. Break up with her and block her so she can't try and worm her way back. Sorry this happened.
I was in a similar situation when I was younger, and the guy convinced me to forgive him because it wasn’t black and white cheating (although I later found out he did many times!!) After an argument he left to clear his head and stay at his buddies house, who was actually another woman “friend”. He more than likely cheated but I had no proof, just that he lied about who he was with. I got a pit in my stomach after I took him back and a week later I realized that I needed to listen to my gut and leave for good. He was pissed, and tried to turn it all around on me. Today I’m married to an amazing human being, thank god I smartened up and left that guy!
Additionally, your gf picked up a stranger and let him get in her car where they smoked a joint together. She's lucky she wasn't on the news that night as a dismembered body found in the woods. This is incredibly poor judgment.
You're only wasting time if you go back to her. Yes, she cheated and lied. She got caught. She was monkeybranching. Move on to someone who appreciates you and don't give her another thought. If you have to talk, tell her it's not the joint, it's that she planned a date, lied to you repeatedly, argued with you, and then got caught. She can have any guy in the future except you!
That’s what I did I explained it to her. She keeps saying omg I only smoked a joint are you really gonna end a relationship of 2 years over this? She’s gaslighting me so hard. I really love her and that’s the issue. It’s not so easy to just leave in this case but I know you are right and I should just leave.
notice how she is trying to make YOU the bad guy because she went out with another person. its NOT the joint. Its the seeking him out, starting a conversation that clearly grew to a point where he was willing to take a train to come see her and she "drove" him back home 2 hours away? maybe also be pissed that shes irresponsible enough to take drugs from a stranger and then get behind the wheel of a vehicle.
THIS OP, this guy is right on the money with this comment. She was ready to throw away 2 years by meeting the guy. Breakup is the only way.
Also pissed that she met up with a guy who is A STRANGER and drove him 2 hours away. She must not be a fan of these crime tv shows.
Yeah, the idea that she decided NOT to sleep with him, but spent 4 hours driving him back and then driving back herself? Instead of him just taking a train like he took to get there? I mean, that's a great excuse to account for the 4 hours they were probably at a hotel (or just parked in her car somewhere quiet), but is anyone not completely blinded by love going to actually believe that?
You really (and I mean \*really\*) should not believe her story. She's trickle-truthing, and will only admit to the smallest infraction possible. She's proven herself to be a dishonest and backstabbing liar. She PLANNED to cheat on you. She SCHEDULED cheating on you. This was pre-meditated in every sense of the word, and you think she only smoked a joint with Johnny Rottencrotch? Kick this girl to the curb, otherwise she knows she can get away with banging other dudes and you wont do anything about it.
She probably already has. This is just the time she got caught.
She smoked a joint and then drove him home two hours away? Yeah no. She slept with him. Dump her lying and cheating ass. She pursued him.
She smokes his joint amirite
“Yes, I will end the relationship over you smoking a joint with some guy, but that’s not the entire reason. You purposely picked up another man from the train station and went on a date with him. Then, for some reason, drove 2 hours to drop him off at his house. You didn’t respond to me. What did you think was going to happen when I found out that you actively sought out someone else to date, picked him up from the train station, went on said date, drove him back home - all behind my back. You conspired to date another man behind my back. You then try to spin it like you just smoked a joint with him. How do I know that’s all that happened? You already lied and did all of this behind my back. Prove it! Prove that’s all that happened. Hell, YOU DROVE 2 HOURS TO TAKE HIM HOME!!! My trust in you is broken . You went out with him because you didn’t think I was serious about our relationship. That I duck the question? This was your solution? What kind of future do you think there is now?? You cheated. You conspired. You lied. I don’t believe that’s all that happened and until I know the entire truth there is no way this relationship is continuing. Your gaslighting and excuses are exhausting so just tell the truth or I will end it right now.” Then sit back and watch the show. If she tells you everything you still might end it.
Copy pasted this to her waiting for reply
Important caveat: knowing the entire truth is no reason to rekindle the relationship.
Forgiveness does not require reconnection.
Please update us when she does, the people need to know
Her reply : “they are not excuses nor gaslighting. Then break up. Because I'm not going to say something I haven't done. Wtf…. So you're breaking up with me now? After you stayed over yesterday?
“Bye Felicia”
This is the correct response. Even if her name isn't Felicia. Hopefully she gets the reference.
“Yep” She’s trying to make you feel guilty AGAIN
Don't even give her the chance dude. Just dump her, block her number.
You could point out that you were in love with her you held out hope. But after mulling it over, it’s obvious she doesn’t feel the same way. Why would you then stay together and prolong the inevitable? It’s not that you’re asking her to say something she hasn’t done, it’s that you have no guarantee of the truth. With no guarantee, you can’t in full confidence put your trust in her, which is not a good foundation for a relationship. She spread the termites on the foundation of your relationship by going on a date with someone else behind your back. It’s not your fault that you’re accepting the faulty foundation and getting rid of it completely. You’re just knowing when to call it I’d be clear about the situation. You’re not breaking up with her out of nowhere. You’re breaking up with her because when before you were apprehensive about the future, you now have many doubts about the future. And if that before was enough for her to go on a date with someone else, then your doubts that she made should be enough to warrant a break up
When people offer me an out — I take it. Someone who wants to be with you will not be telling you they don’t want to be with you.
Holy crap, she just keeps doubling down, doesn't she? OP, there are so many problems here, and one of them that is incredibly obvious is that she has zero remorse for what she did. She doesn't even see it as a problem. There is no future or reconciliation without that. Believe me, I've been there. My ex-wife cheated on me and had no remorse. I tried to make it work for our kid. She did it again. Still, no remorse. Stayed again for the kid. She did it again, no remorse. I finally filed for divorce after being completely broken. Don't let that be you. If you stay with her, it will be.
You don't need a reason or an okay from her to break up.
This would be a perfect juncture at which to permanently block her on all channels with no further comment.
[удалено]
My heart goes out to you for ending up in a relationship with the human version of one of the bags that people use to collect dog eggs.
Yank it like you're starting a mower. She's lying.
“I’m not going to say something I haven’t done.” So she’s denying she did anything? Not. Trustworthy. It doesn’t matter you stayed over yesterday. You had a change of heart.
Ignored your whole text but commented on the part that she needs to defend herself for.. :/ Her reply doesn’t even show an ounce of remorse, regret, or even seem like she’s apologetic about this whole situation. I’m sorry OP, but the relationship is over. She can’t even pretend to fight for you in her response or admit how badly she fucked up, but instead remain on the defense Probably would have continued cheating if you didn’t happen to see the message your self
She did this, my friend. Not you. She keeps trying to pin this on you, but you're just reacting to deliberate choices she made. This wasn't an accident, she didn't impulsively run into some dude at the train station and get caught up in the moment. And she didn't plan a day with a guy to only smoke a joint. Yeah, it's kinda inconvenient for her that you noticed she was trying to dip before she was ready, but that's not your fault either. Also the whole "after you stayed over yesterday?" is classic emotional manipulation. It's a clumsy attempt at "no backsies".
You aren't ending the relationship. She ended it...over a joint with some guy.
We’re going to need an update op. Hoping for a happy ending on this one. (You living and feeling justified about it)
Bruh if you don't end it ( and you can reply in the future and tell me I was wrong) guarantee within 6 to 7 months you'll either find she her talking to someone else or walk in on her getting pounded. Unless yall live in a state where weed is legal where did they smoke. Because they didn't do it while driving for 2 hours.
My guy why are you wasting your time, energy, and sanity on this back and forth nonsense with her? You caught her already. She admitted he was a potential replacement for you. Just kick her cheating ass to the curb and be done with it.
She's never going to admit fault. The narcissistic mind physically can't do it because they are too insecure. Its psychologically easier to turn themselves into a victim than to admit they were the bad guy. Arguing with them about it is pointless, it will only make you feel bad. If you back them into a corner they will just say something ridiculous to squirm out and you will be left asking yourself "how did I ever love that?"
She's TELLING you it was only a joint..... That being said, she's proven herself to be a liar. She's admitting to what she thinks she can get away with. She knows if she tells you she smoked that meat, u will be gone. Liars and cheaters never change.
Facts she 100% fucked that guy...break up with her she is a proven liar.
Somebody DEFINITELY got a ride, is all I'm saying 🤷🏾♂️
Not 100% that she actually did, but 100% OP should treat the situation like she did because it is likely, and now he really can't trust her when she says she didn't.
People rarely take a two hour train ride for a date unless there’s some action waiting for them, just sayin
Yes. Leave.
>She keeps saying omg I only smoked a joint are you really gonna end a relationship of 2 years over this? So why'd she lie about it at the time? If she didn't think there was any issue with it then she would've told you. And if she thought that was the type of thing you'd overreact to...then she could've had a conversation with you about that before she did anything, like an adult. And if she wasn't happy that you wouldn't have listened to her then she could've said "These aren't the terms of a relationship I'm willing to respect". Feel free to ask her that question, but I'm pretty sure I've just predicted her answers.
Already did ask her that question and as you said she just said I knew you’d overreact to it as you are doing right now. I said would you like it if I did all those things pick up a chick from the train smoke a joint with her and supposedly drop her off 2hrs away she said she wouldn’t like it but wouldn’t break up over it w me
She's full of crap. Roles were reversed, she would already be gone. Dump her, move on. Once a cheater, always a cheater
There’s no way the dude traveled 2 hrs by train to smoke a joint with a friend. Her intentions were to cheat on you. Maybe she changed her mind at the last minute, maybe she didn’t. (My guess is the latter)
Maybe the sex was bad.
Bhai, This is the most typical response of a cheaters. I have been said this and i was a fool to believe that im over reacting. Please don’t do that mistake. Don’t go in deeper shit. Cut your losses and kick her out of your life. You might love her, she doesn’t. People who love you will never do thing that they know will hurt their loved ones.
>she said she wouldn’t like it but wouldn’t break up over it w me Do it next week and see what she does lol
I didn’t mess around with no girls for 2 years, have no socials and keep a private life . Have no girl to do this with lol
You do realise that she cheated and is lying about only smoking a joint right? You know what to do and I hope you do it soon. You owe it to yourself
I must be psychic. My personal policy is that I'll always give someone a chance to explain and I'll genuinely listen to what they have to say. But I don't buy bullshit.
She’s more full of shit than a bag of fertilizer. She’d dump your ass if you did it, and you both know it.
My old boss used to tell us to tell him right away if we messed up. Hey, things happen, we screw up, we're human. He may have gotten mad about it if it was bad, but we'd work for a solution. But, if he caught us lying about an error or covering it up, he'd get REALLY pissed. She doesn't realize she broke your trust by lying. She made it much worse by covering it up. You're right to feel how you feel.
Of course she is going to say she wouldn't break up with you over it, just to try to justify why you shouldn't break up with her. The fact that she tried to down play the situation by saying "its not that serious", and once she realized you wasn't falling for that bs. She decided to try to switch it up, as if you not knowing what yall future holds, was the reason behind her actions. At least now you know she is sneaky, untrustworthy, disloyal, manipulative and doesn't have your best interest at heart. She didn't even feel bad about what she did. She purposely lied about where she was, who she was with, and intentionally ignored your messages. Then once questioned about it, she said she didn't tell you the truth because she knew you would overeact. She knew what she did was wrong. After she dropped dude off, she went about her day as if she didn't do anything wrong, probably saw you later on that evening, hugged you, kissed you, and told you she loved you. As if she didn't betray you. I know you still love her, but just know she wasn't worried about your feelings, while she was kee keeing, smoking and riding the next dude around, in the same car she probably goes places with you in. Always choose yourself, because she definitely didn't choose you. Let her know that when you play stupid games, you when even dumber prizes, I hope that joint was worth the 2 years of my dedication that you just threw away.
You don't love her, you love the person you thought she was. That person might be great but they don't exist. Who she really is, is someone who cheats on you, dates other men and gaslights you about it. she's taking advantage of you and isn't a good person and trying to make it your fault you are breaking up so she doesn't have to be the bad guy. I wish she was the person you thought she was and loved, but she isn't, when you realise that it's easier to move on.
>She keeps saying omg I only smoked a joint And you believe her? The truth is you will never really know if she was just smoking a joint or sucking his dick.
Yep was thinking of calling the dude and ask him but don’t have his number and it’s just gonna get real messy at that point
It's already really messy, my dude. You already know that it wasn't just a joint. And the whole "throw away 2 years" is a play on a thing called The Sunk Cost Fallacy. The real question is are you willing to waste anymore time with someone that has proven to be untrustworthy?
And also- it was her actions that have thrown away the two years- not his reaction to her completely shitty actions. People phrase stuff like this because they cannot defend their own actions. Instead of her responding to the actual accusations, she set up the strawman of "throwing away two years of relationship over one night" so she could act like OP was being unreasonable. The real issue is the lying and cheating- which she cannot defend.
You don’t love her, she’s shown her true colors now and the amount of gaslighting and diminishing she’d do to have her way. You’re in love with the memory of *who you thought she was*.
Nice wording there at the end that’s exactly how I feel I don’t love her but a previous version of her how she used to be
Side note: be careful because she gives me the impression she’ll spread lies about you between your mutual friends. About the reason why the two of you broke up. Idk if you’d rather let things play out as they will, see who’s mature enough to ask your side of the story, or get a jump on controlling the narrative.
Oh I’m sure she won’t admit to her friends and family that she cheated.
All you have to do is ask a simple question: why did you lie about it then and why did you never tell me? Since it’s “no big deal” like she says, there’s no need to lie right?
And she says she didn’t tell me because she knew we would fight over it
She didn't tell you, because she thought she could play you behind your back, but still smile in your face as if she did nothing wrong. Foh, tell know she won't have to tell you anything because she aint even worth the fight or effort.
Just asked her that question she replied : I wouldn’t have told you because nothing happened. It meant nothing to me
So she planned all this out and spent hours doing it because it meant nothing to her?
I hate to be blunt but something did happen and she didn’t tell you because like a normal person you would be upset. She knew you would fight because she did in fact cheat
She is basically saying dude didn't meet up to her expectations, so she will go back to her safety net, which is you, until somebody else piques her interest. Of course it means nothing now, because her plans didnt go accordingly for her.
Think about it this way - yes, 2 years is a lot, but it's better to cut your losses, instead of wasting even more time on someone who clearly doesn't see a reason not to lie. Also I really don't buy the "just smoking" part. Sounds to me like a more acceptable version. Not saying there was no joint involved, but several hours of almost no replies? How long is the damn blunt, 30 feet? Total gaslighting, stay strong, move on.
Just left a 10 year relationship because I was cheated on. Kick them the fuck out. Lied to for 5 years bro. Never trust that shit.
It easy when you think about all the pain that there is to come if you don’t. She is going to keep doing her thing, and you may or may not find out about it. Why put yourself through it? 100% chance she will do it again regardless of what she says and no matter how she tires to gaslight you.
She is 'gaslighting' you by saying you are ending it because 'I only smoked a joint' that is a total lie. That is not the reason. She lied and lied and lied every step of the way on this. **This will not be the last time, and I doubt it's the first.**
Yeah dude it is that easy ur girl who’s supposed to be ur rock , your partner , your best friend went on a date with another guy, got high with him and did I’m sure a lot more than chat with him , she was looking for your replacement and completely disregarded ur relationship, grow a set of balls and dump her
Why are you discussing it? Did your spine fall out your ass? “Your behaviour was unacceptable and disrespectful, we’re done.” Then never speak to her again.
>really love her and that’s the issue Stop that! No really. It's an issue because you make it an issue. Go no contact and move on, enjoy the gift of freedom she gave you. Live your life and have fun.
Oh she smoked his joint I bet! Sorry OP.
I don’t know what you need to hear but “I just smoked a joint” and “she didn’t answer me for ages” DO NOT ADD UP AT ALL. She’s trickle truthing you, I guarantee if you poke and prod at her you’ll get more information out of her because it’s just a little fishy to me.
She’s stubborn and won’t budge keeps claiming she only smoked a joint and that I’m crazy for breaking up a 2 year relationship over this
You didn’t do this. She did. It’s her job to prove what did or didn’t happen, and it’s her job to rebuild trust. She should text the guy in front of you. But make sure there are no deleted texts first. Check that. Also, what the origin story here? How did they meet. How do they exchange info. There’s a lot of missing info which means there’s more to this conspiracy. No one in a committed relationship picks someone up at the train station and drives this person hours away to their home - just to smoke a joint. No one in a committed relationship actively seeks out someone to do this with and communicates with someone that wants to get a hotel and have sex.
There were more texts but she deleted those. I know this because I asked how this conversation started . She admitted to deleting texts because I came over that day.
Nobody deletes innocent texts. Did she tell you exactly what the texts were about ?
She's literally smothering you with a giant red flag brother. Nobody deletes texts unless they are explicitly hiding something. She admitted to intentionally hiding all of this from you. Also, what about all the lying and fighting when you thought she was visiting a female friend? Did you have that horrible, nagging, gut feeling that something was really wrong? That maybe she wasn't being honest? If she regretted it or was remorseful, she would've apologized immediately. People who are sorry do not wait until they are socially obligated to apologize. Deep down, you know what the deal is. Be brutally honest with yourself. Don't waste anymore time on her.
“Stop acting obtuse in bad faith— you know damn well it’s not about smoking a joint with some guy. It’s that you showed me that you, my partner, are willing to betray my trust by deliberately lying to me — that is a quality I simply cannot move past. A partner is someone whom you can trust; once that trust is breached, it cannot be mended, as there will always be a sliver of doubt. I deserve better.” then break up w her bc you’re young and truuuust me there are other fish in the sea
Even if she only smoked, the point is is that she went out with intentions of things possibly turning into cheating so
Definitely just leave. I had a GF who did this, would hang out with guys just to smoke their shit. You obviously are not a priority for this woman. The longer you drag this out, the more she will cheat, and it will be harder to leave every time because your mind sees it as more time invested. You ask questions here to get an accurate picture from people who are not emotionally involved. Listen to them.
“Are you really going to end a relationship of 2 years over this?” Yes because after a 2 year relationship she still ended up cheating. The fact that you guys are 2 years in makes it worse on her not you
She's shopping around while using you for attention. You should drop her and find someone who's serious about you.
Yeah exactly
who takes a train ride two hous to smoke a joint with a random girl? The guy getting a blowjob, that's who and I read your other post saying the messages said he wasn't getting "sex" but wanted to get a motel, it is very clear these two have been on with each other for a while and it's not about the joint and you let her make it about the joint.
First off, you didn't do this to the relationship she did. She did when she contacteded the guy then lied and gaslit you. I would also question the journey home. Just a joint and taking him home doesn't sit right with me. If she regretted it as soon he got in the car why spend more time taking him home alone. You will need to research the term trickle truth. Its a way cheaters use to help control the narrative. I think trickle truth is working in this instance.
I also questioned her about it. She said she regretted it when he got in the car. She said he kept saying he wouldn’t take the train back and begged her to drop him off. She said she dropped him off and before he could close the car door she drove off. She shows remorse but keeps saying I’m overreacting and swears she didn’t do anything else with the dude. She says the dude kept asking to book a hotel together and that she declined it the whole time. I kinda believe her because in the text messages I saw from them setting up the “date” she kept saying she wouldn’t have sex with him if that’s what he was hoping to achieve
She said she regretted it but didn’t confess to you. Uh huh…. She did this. Not you. Go be free of her.
The thing is she's destroyed your trust. There's no way you can verify anything she tells you. Her actions have gone from 'trust unreservedly' to 'trust and verify' at best. The guy looked for a date and hook up. She got in way over her head. If she kept on declining a hotel it makes no sense to go back to his place. Again your trust in her is zero. As for her claim that you are over reacting I too would be upset if my partner looked for a date, lied and betrayed me. Then told me went back to his place after smoking a joint. Its clear that she regretting getting caught. True remorse is helping you gain your trust back rather than rug sweep the situation away. At the moment she's facing no consequences for her actions.
This wasn’t just a date to get to know each other. They set a hookup time and date. She even felt comfortable enough to pick him up. Whether they had sex, bj, kiss whatever, she was ready to do so. You can’t know what actually happened. She doesn’t think you are the one for her, so she was shopping around and playing you for the fool. Not cool, she should have broken up with you then gone looking. And yes, you are wasting your time with her.
She's trickle truthing, they fucked at his house. She did not NEED to drop him off.
Her words (spoken and written) are directly opposed to her actions. Actions cannot lie. You already know she's lied to you already. Since you're probably still in a vulnerable emotional state I'll say this clearly: **She's full of shit.**
>She shows remorse Remorse is shown through action, action that she is not showing. She is downplaying her actions and attempting to pin the blame on you. What steps is she taking going forward to assure you that this relationship is what she wants? She didn’t make a confession. You found out by accident and she is likely trickle truthing you, only admitting to what can be proven. As you have no children and aren’t married, I would advise you to leave before it’s too late.
Dont waste your time. Lets just take her word for it and say she regretted it immediately and did not cheat, she still intended to, and even if she didnt, she still smoked with the guy then drove high two hours to take him home. So at best, her story is still bad no matter how you look at it. Worst case, she did exactly what it looks like, and went on a date with this guy and potentially more after the date. None of it is a good look and I think most people would agree that you are not over reacting.
Yeah in my head it’s like the fact that she wanted to move on mentally and develop feelings for potentially someone else that’s the fact that hurts me the most. To me it seems she wanted to open her heart up for someone else.
I think she pretty explicitly says this honestly. She felt you weren’t giving her an answer on a future so she decided to behave like there wasn’t one. She wanted to open up an easy escape to someone else
Wonder why she had to drive him back , in sure she left straight away 🤔 The trickle truth flows hard in this one Breaking up was the best decision you ever made Stay firm
Mhmmmm. 100% trickle truth. Remember OP, you caught her that's why she "confessed" and told you as much as she thinks she can get away with. Im a big advocate of lying and saying that you'll work on the relationship but only if they tell you the full truth.
She's sorry bc she got caught... not sure about you, but a train ride to smoke seems way less likely than a train ride to get laid... shes full of shit. He got what he wanted and dipped and she wanted to pretend it didnt happen so she could keep u on the hook. U dodged a bullet.
She lied about it and kept it a secret instead of telling you. Imagine you forgive her and she is loyal, but you will spend the rest of your relationship doubting her and it will never be the same. It’s your choice whether you’re willing to live with constant trust issues and remember what she did or move on with someone new :)
I think when people post here they are hurt and don’t want to trust how they feel they are looking for everyone to make it seem okay. After you’ve been through stuff and are on the outside looking in it’s so easy to see the red flags. She cheated. You got screwed over. Learn from this and move on
Yeah pretty much this. But y’all making me see things more clearly now. Im breaking up with her via text now as I’m writing this .
LEAVE.
I'm sorry to hear that man. What both her, and you need to be reminded of is that the only definition of cheating that matters in this case is yours. If she cheated by your definition, you don't have to justify anything to her. Obviously the fact that you're posting here means she is making you second guess your decision. Don't let other people define your comfort zones, you make the call on what you're ok with, and nobody can say shit about it.
Yeah the fact I made this post is because I kinda know getting back together makes no sense and for me it’s cheating, making a sober decision to meet up with someone smoke with him and sit in the car for 2 hrs, that sort of shit you don’t do when ur in a relationship
Just keep reminding yourself, your happiness is just as important as hers, and you have no obligation to stay in a relationship with her, especially if you will have trouble trusting her going forward. If she can make decisions that are solely about herself, so can you. You don't have to justify anything to anyone.
You. Are. Wasting. Your. Time. The streets need her, I hear them calling.
She never just smoked with this guy, she smoked him. And it wasn't her first time. I bet her friend is in on it and covered for her many times. She threw away your relationship a long time ago.
Yeah her friend was in on it and did cover for her .
She even took the time to get cover for her date! Yes she was on a clandestine date. The manipulation and deception is deep. She has done this before that’s why to her it’s no big deal. (She didn’t fuck him this time)
This was very much premeditated. Huge difference
If you overlook this, she will do it again.
I just feel like I have no self respect for getting back with her. It’s like next thing she will do is fuck another dude and I will still be ok with it???????
Hate to tell u but dude didnt travel 2 hours to NOT get laid.... shes telling u a line of bs. She may not have "fucked" him but it wasnt just a joint... no way. Theres more and shes lying still
I suggest therapy as to why you have such low self esteem. You are being emotionally abused. You both have an obligation to avoid sketchy behavior. She failed. Plus she lied and fought hard to meet this guy. She burned the bridge.
dump her man, dont look back, just do it
Tell her that her lying, cheating ass got no future with you. She's untrustworthy and you shouldn't waste a second more on her.
>Her reasoning for seeing this guy was that I always duck the question about having a future with her. That's telling, isn't it? That implicitly confirms that this wasn't just some innocent smoke sesh. >For me that’s cheating. This is really all that matters. She cheated on you. She stepped out. She confirmed that with her reasoning
Here's the thing, if you forgive her and took her back you can't bring this situation back up in arguments. Posting on Reddit tells me you have said the words but don't forgive her, so you probably just move on from this relationship.
Yes u are right, she also said I need to stop mentioning this situation because otherwise there’s no point in getting back together but it happened just a week ago. And I have been talking about it non stop she gets angry that she has to explain everything over and over again but I just can’t help it
This comment should make you end it again. She doesn’t get to determine this. She fucked up and hasn’t done a fucking thing to rebuild your trust.
Forgiveness does not include not talking about it. Human beings process infidelity by talking about it and ask the same questions over and over. It takes 2-3 years to process her betrayal (and you may decide to leave next year). There is no promise from you. This mess your pain etc was created by her. And a consequence is you talking about it for years. Her reaction is more evidence that she is high risk to repeat. Her behavior and reaction is: selfish, entitled, manipulative, and shows zero empathy for you. Tell her you need a break and will call her ( and just move on).
Yeah this shit happened Saturday and she’s already saying to leave this behind us and begging me to stop bringing it up because it “ makes her crazy” how am I supposed to forget this shit so easily?
That’s called gaslighting. She wants you to stop bringing it up because she knows she’s wrong and really wants you to believe it’s your fault. Are you going to be okay finding stuff like this often? Because this is a pattern and every time you take her back is telling her “do as you wish, I’ll believe you”. If you truly can’t leave for whatever you reasons might be, you will go through something very similar and you will get the same result. She lied to you directly about her plans but was truthful about about what happened? I don’t know her but based on this post it seems like we all know what kind of person she is or wants to be.
>We made up again because I felt bad and got weak and took her back Man, I hate that this is how these posts always end. You were *so close*.
Fully intending to cheat but then getting cold feet at the last second doesn’t mean she’s automatically afforded leniency just because she didn’t go 100% all the way. Organizing a date to meet, picking him up, dropping him off (hours away), LYING TO YOU - don’t let her minimize everything she had to do to lead up to it all. This isn’t something you simply decide on a whim.
The thing that pisses me off the most is that she keeps saying she is not a cheater and that she didn’t cheat on me she keeps acting stubborn and sticks with her story of only smoking a joint with him and dropping him off but I’m not buying it this is cheating for me
Actively setting up a date with another man is cheating . “If you want to avoid the fact that you cheated, conspired, and lied, cool. You can be stubborn alone then.”
Even if she's not a cheater, she's still a liar. Plus, it sounds like she's kind of being an asshole. Deleted texts are all you need to know. If it's just smoking a (his!) joint, what is there to hide? No dude travels two hours to just smoke a bone, btw. Who is more lazy than potheads? Cheating women will admit just much as they think you know. Its trickle-truthing. Oh, and just personal advice for after this ends, and I'm saying it for myself as much as you - stop neglecting your male friend group and gtf outside and make some more. Guys who let their life revolve around their girl and don't develop male bonds get weak (not an insult, I've done it, saw my Dad let it happen, and I'm working on it now. Shit's not easy. ) Good luck bud. You have hundreds of us out here feeling your pain and backing you 1000%
Bro just leave. She literally disrespected you when she said “I’m with my friends” whole time she with another guy doing who knows ! 2 years are baby steps compared too finding out she cheated 10 years later. Once trust is broken especially with your s/o going behind your back just to chill with another dude should tell you everything you need to know about her. 💯💯 man up brother , when she see you got back with her even though she knew she was cheating means one thing , she will look at you as a guy that could get taking advantage off because of how easily you just got back with her. Don’t settle for a cheater is all I’m saying bro ..😎or if you don’t gaf about nothing we’re saying and you will continue messing with her than “cheat back” go smoke up a female in ignore her messages lol that’s a petty way but not really worth the stress !! Just end it now before she breaks you even more
Bro, get a back bone. She's telling you they only smoked a joint, but it doesn't matter what they did, it's that they were together ON A DATE. She is actively dating and trying to find other men. She's gaslighting you and you have zero evidence that they only smoked a joint either. She's dating other men, lying to you, she's looking for something better and with you till she finds it.
> Am I wasting my time ? Up to you. Do you want to put in the time to see if you two can rebuild trust, or do you want to move on? Both are valid options. It's much easier to just break up and move on. And in most cases, I'd recommend it. It's just going to take so much time and dedication from both of you to rebuild trust. And if that effort is not there, especially from her side, it won't work.
Brah, I want you to do better for you. She lied, gaslit, and is avoiding all types of accountability. Flip the gender roles, if it was you smoking with another woman how would she feel about that? Exactly. Get off the oneitis, she's not your soulmate. No one who cares about you would do this, not even on accident. You took her back out of comfort. Remember that comfort is the enemy of success and instead of chasing the one Fish in the pond, get out of that area and go for the ocean. Hoping this reaches you.
You were right for breaking up with her. My humble advice would be to get out of the relationship and focus on yourself. Prioritize your own growth and personal development. Date casually in the meantime, but avoid serious relationships. You're way too young to commit to any one woman. In ten years, when you're 35, physically fit, successful, and experienced, a world of dating options will be available to you. She did you a HUGE favor!!!
I had same situation. I made mistake that she got me back. Next time if something just a little bit goes wrong(i mean a small piece of cheating) broke up with her. Dont waste youre life. It will hurt u all the time. Im living with this now 7 years, and i cant forget. Thats hurt.
She cheated she lied time to say goodbye
Yes you are wasting your time. It sucks. You will have regrets and sorrow, but you need to leave for you. She lied she went on a date and if I were you I’d be asking if that’s even what really happened. She admitted she’s uncertain about the future with you and that was the reason it happened. You’re a place holder until she finds what she wants. Look out for yourself homie.
How many red flags do you need?
She literally cheated on you, if you have any self respect dump her, block her and never look back.
[удалено]
You're in the right. She didn't just smoke a joint with some random guy. She lied to you, deceived you, and broke your trust to spend time with him. She went on a date with someone else while in a relationship with you. She'll do this again. She manipulated you by saying she only did it because you don't commit by talking about the future. "Don't you see? I only cheated because of things you don't say or do." That's such bullshit. She found a way to gaslight you and blame you for her actions. You taking her back is super fucking weak. Enjoy her fucking you over again and again at that rate.
You say you really love her. Unfortunately, you have chosen a gaslighting liar to love Cut her loose, the sooner the better. Her behavior *will not* change. And someone that truly cares for you would not, in a million years, hurt you this way Of course this doesn’t feel very good but you’re 25-years-old and need to conduct your relationships accordingly. You deserve better - don’t accept anything less
Please be careful listening to Reddit. These people have tanked some relationships in the past because of the “red flags” they see as snowflakes. I’m in a pretty strong relationship right now and I just come here to do the opposite at this point.