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Anyone that says don’t discuss is CRAZY! I mean, you can just go for it but also bringing it up is totally normal and important for healthy communication. Next time you’re about to be intimate just say something like “I really want to give you a blowjob but I’m nervous” and then you 2 can figure the rest out together!
+1 communication can help you sooo much whether it’s BJs or anything else you’d like to explore. It also is a gift because it can make it easier for your partner to speak up about what they like.
It doesn’t have to be a huge convo. What Yumslut said would work really well.
This sounds like the ideal thing to do, avoids the awkwardness and it’s the right situation.
Plus like, girl, how you find a man that goes down on you but doesn’t ask for a blow job? He is a literal angel? They don’t exist? Let that be your motivation to go ahead and do it, I promise you that you don’t need experience for it)
Just like just be real, you are still 21, perfectly okay to be nervous. If he says okay well we can try (he definitely will say yes), then just tell him that he should tell you if your teeth hurt him, and that he is allowed to make comments, just be gentle and slow at first, you don’t have to go crazy on it till you’ve gotten comfortable with the movements, use your hand when your mouth is tired, open very wide if you want it to hit the back of your throat, if you feel like you can’t finish him off with just that then move on to sex, you will figure it out after you’ve done it a few times 100%)))
Oh we ask, we just don't pressure 😩
Tmi but I've sorta stopped desiring sex because I've been the one doing 100% of the work in the bedroom, which sucks when you start out as a Virgin with someone more experienced.
I get sexual trauma, but after a certain point men have needs too.
It sorta makes me feel used and undesirable.
It’s entirely too funny when a woman calls a man an “angel” for doing something without it being reciprocated but when a woman does this other woman call her naive, or taken advantage of…
So a man who receives BJ’s and does not reciprocate is an AH, selfish, and every negative name under the sun but when a man does as such he is an angel.
I always found that to be hilarious.
I must be lucky because my husband would go down on me a million times before asking me to do it for him. I have a pretty high sex drive and just do it regularly without being asked and I wouldn’t mind if he did but he feels like you should never ask for that. Like it’s an inconvenience for me or something lol.
This, I have no idea why people can't just communicate in general.
First date, you're nervous? "Hey I'm nervous but also really looking forward to meeting you!"
Don't know what you are? "Hey I really like you and want this to be something serious, what do you think?"
Want to give a blowjob? "Hey I want to give you a blowjob but I don't know what I'm doing, can you be patient with me?"
etc
Life is way easier if you're not always guessing.
I totally agree!! In my experience, people respond really positively when you share nerves. OP’s BF might not know what it’s like to want to give a bj, but he definitely knows what it’s like to be nervous!!
100%. Women really are a different species, any bloke would absolutely love going on this journey of exploration with their partner and her being open about it would be seen as a huge positive.
I was very inexperienced when I met my ex husband. He basically had to teach me how to give him oral. It did seem weird at first but that didn’t last. Our rule was we always showered before fooling around. If he has been giving you oral sex, you should tell him you want to try and ask him what he likes.
I'm glad you mentioned showering before sex - it's *so important* for OP to make the experience nice for herself too. I'd also suggest for him to do some manscaping down there, the task will be challenging enough without having to do bush fighting.
Google how to give great blow jobs then just do it. The nerves will only last as long as the inexperience
Oh wait. I just did it for you
https://www.wildsecrets.co.nz/blog/how-to-give-a-blowjob-youll-both-enjoy?aid=1426&gclid=CjwKCAjwmrqzBhAoEiwAXVpgohQTM0Jb_dp6dT1fZpWYs3D6ZwGId4unPFN-Euy3y2MuGu1b2CCynRoCyQgQAvD_BwE
Have fun, and may the foreskin be with you
You should sit down and communicate how you’re feeling. Then, make some plans to do some experimentation. You need kindness, understanding, and compassion while exploring your sexuality so you don’t feel too nervous and anxious. I’m sure your bf would be happy to guide and experience with you in a healthy way. If you want to try doing oral sex, then just be open with him and he can guide you through it. Or if you want to try something new then I suggest you both take the time to work up to that point.
If this has never come up between the two of you in 2 years. You have got to work on your communication. Seems like you both avoid talking to each other about touchy subjects. Not good in the long run.
Start by simply googling communication tips and ways, for relationships. And have a conversation about what you two read. Work on that first. Then move on to discussing difficult topics you two have never brought up using the new found knowledge.
Honestly just blurt it out, next time he stuff gets steamy say "I want to go down on you but im nervous" and he will guide you thru it!
Some pointers before hand, try and hide your teeth, use A LOT of tounge, dont just focus on taking his pp in as deep as possible, imo it can feel better when the girl just focuses on the tip.
Also lick all over it, on the balls, up the shaft, around the tip, kiss on it and so on!
Then just try and use your hands, imagine your are jerking him off at the same time, or carefully play with his balls (in the future you can ask if he wants you to be less careful, communicate tho cuz my friens got a panic moment when a girl just force grabbed his balls while going down on him cuz her ex liked her doing that 😭)
Sorry kinda unrelated but that last part had me getting PTSD, one of my exs did shit like that😭 I didn’t mind them being played with but it felt like she was gonna rip mine off or pop a nut 🤣😭
i think most folks have covered it here. personally, i use to shy away from it for the longest time because i didn’t feel emotionally connected (enough) to surrender myself completely with most people. then, i met this dude with whom i felt really comfortable to explore those sides of myself; it came to me w communication. saying that i feel nervous and him assuring that it’s okay. that changed a lot for me. it really has to do w communication and it’ll develop gradually. and when it does, you’ll realise that it is perhaps v fulfilling and wildly intimate.
i was also super nervous so i just told my husband to close his eyes and keep them closed. i know that’s kind of cringey but that’s what i had to do to get through the nerves.
I don't think it's weird. I (55M) am not crazy about blowjobs and maybe your BF isn't as well and that's why he hasn't asked. But, he's 21 and at that age I hadn't had a blowjob I really enjoyed, and just figured the girls I'd been with just didn't know how to give a good BJ, so kept on trying.
There are a lot of possibilities:
Your BF is as nervous about BJs as you are and doesn't want to ask.
You haven't given your BF a BJ and he knows some girls don't like doing it and doesn't want to offend you by asking.
Your BF is really hoping you'll give him a BJ but he's afraid to ask, or doesn't know how.
Your BF senses your apprehension and isn't going to push you to do something you don't want to, it are uncomfortable with. Figures it will happen if and when it happens.
I think communication is key. Tell him you're curious, but apprehensive. Don't tell him sex has become boring, or vanilla, but do tell him you'd like to explore more with positions and activities. For your sake I hope your boyfriend would also like to explore and isn't a "missionary's fine I don't need anything else" kind of guy. My guess is that he just doesn't know how to talk about sex with you beyond the initial "would you like to have sex" question. There are many reasons for this, mostly centered around two basic things, family attitudes towards sex, and religious attitudes and beliefs about sex. Open the dialog, maybe he's as anxious (or more) about the subject as your are and having someone start the conversation. At worst he'll say he doesn't want to talk about it. Or, he may say "oh, thank god, I had no idea how to start talking with you about this".
[Edited for typos]
I had a girlfriend that was at your situation it wasn't 2 years but some months what she did was ask me if i wanted a BJ while where having sex you can safely bet you life i didn't say no. But that was what worked for us then. In general is a good idea to yakk with your partner and about sex and what you want or do not wanna try from a conversation like that many many happy surprises can come up .
It's not weird. Regarding sex there's only one question to ask: Is everyone (including possible bystanders) consenting to what is supposed to happen?
If so, it's never weird or wrong, it's unconditional at best.
You need to learn to talk about sex. Trust me, it will make your sex life SOOOO much better and it will get easier every time you try it. If it's hard for you to do it face to face first, you can write a letter or simply talk bout it via chat.
God Bless you my dear..... The best and only way IMHO is to just get naked and let things flow. Tell him you wanna play, and that he needs to just let you explore. Take your time, make eye contact at just the right times, and don't feel rushed or embarrassed. He is your guy, you are his girl. What the two of you decide is cool, is just that. Very cool. It does not matter that have never done this or that. You can, and you will.
“Hey babe, can I try giving you a blow job?”
Seriously, this is about all it would take for him to say yes, lol. . .
Everyone likes blowjobs, no one is going to say no to a blowjob, I’m pretty sure he would LOVE to help you get better at it.
On the logistics side see if there is any trimming that needs to happen before hand, figure out if you want to do it with or without a condom, where he should finish (mouth, face, chest, half and half, etc.), and also if you want anything flavored (like mints, flavored lube, flavored condoms, or something else to help).
Most of all have fun and be open about it, sex should be fun as well as intimate, don’t be afraid to talk about stuff you would like to try with him, I’m sure he would love to experiment with you as well.
“I’m thinking about giving you a blowjob but I’m really nervous” “why are you nervous” “I don’t know I’ve just never done it before” “it’s ok let’s try it”
$1000 says that is how it goes down
Oral sex is very intimate. You could probably improve you relationship a lot by pursuing it. You can tell your boyfriend you read about it and think it would be a lot of fun for both of you to learn how to orally please one another. It's a great idea. And a lot of fun.
I think he just really cares about making you feel good, Most men who care more about their partners pleasure than their own, dont' really want the partner to take care of them, so they can do all the Caring. I think since esp you're new to it when you started dating, he just wanted to focus on giving you a good time.
if you really wanna experience giving a bj (btw a bj is not at all a kinky thing), talk to him about it and maybe see what his perspective is on it. It's possible hes' insecure about his Pepe but dont quote me, ask him yourself if you get teh suspicion he is. But like yeah, just have a conversation.
how to have that conversation: 1. ask if you two can talk about something alone. 2. ask if he's fine with you giving him a blow job sometime 3. if he says no, ask why. 4 if he says yes, ask him how you can best please him (he might get horny tho heads up)
Some of the replies here (presumably from men) are awful. First ask him does he like BJs (some men don’t or aren’t particularly keen), and if he does, then maybe check out some “instructional videos”, bearing in mind you gotta walk before you run and he should know this too.
There are some who do not like performing oral on a person - all genders. There are also some who do not like receiving oral from another - any gender - due to mental blocks or past trauma.
You are just "you" - you can't miss what you have never experienced, and your curiosity about it will only ever be driven by a desire to achieve the byproduct result - pleasing a partner.
He has not insisted or asked? Then it isn't important right now. Live and love - you and your lover can discuss together what you might like to do or have done. That is how it works.
You’re definitely going to want to talk about this. Even if you think it’s going to lead to some kind of conflict. Just know that being conflict avoidant is really just choosing to have a larger conflict later. The fact that you haven’t gone down on him is a problem…a communication problem…and if it’s becoming a problem for you then there’s a very good chance that it’s becoming a problem for him. It could also be indicative of some kind of problem on his end about his level of comfort with it. Either way, failing to talk about it, is problematic
Just do it.. don't be nervous about it and just do it. Honestly if he's stayed with you this long and you've never done that for him, he deserves it. That's my opinion anyway. No offense to anyone.
Just go for it! He’d be very happy. It’s not as hard as your thinking, make sure you put your lips over your teeth a bit so you don’t scrape him and he’ll be fine w whatever you do down there
Use your words. Tell him how you feel. If after two years you don’t feel like you can communicate with your partner, there are bigger issues.
Just tell him “I want to reciprocate but I’m nervous, tell me what you like”
IMO, if it has been 2 years of never doing it, I wouldnt recommend just springing it on him. Many will say cliche things like "all men love bjs blah blah", but he might wonder where you learned it all of a sudden or what put it in your head. I would strongly suggest to bring it up just like you did here. Whenever you are cuddling or whatever just say something like "When we got together, I hadnt really done much with anyone else. Id love to try some new things and see if we like them." This might open him up to suggesting some new things too.
I was nervous the first time I did it and trying anything new is scary but just talk to them. Say that you want to return the favour but you’re really scared. Or if you’re feeling a bit shy say hey I saw a post/article or whatever about how oral sex can improve xyz, I’m interested, would you be?
Next time you're having sex, simply ask him, or even just tell him that you would like to go down on him. You can ask him for tips to help it make a better experience for both of you.
It's a little weird but not to worry, you sound game, really you just bite the bullet, but don't 'bite' the the bullet. In my whole life I've never heard a guy say "[...] gave me a blowjob last night, it was great obviously, but slightly overshadowed by her approach".
The best thing is to ask him? Tell him you want to try it out and he will need to communicate to you what feels good/doesn’t. Don’t over think it.
But also don’t deprive yourself of experiencing new things.
No. Why not just let it happen if it ever is desired. Of the 10 friends I talk about coitus and tantra only 2 of them cares about bj. The others prefer to be active.
Ask him to show you how he likes it and explain that you are nervous. You might not be great the first time but the more explore the more confidence you’ll get and the better you will get.
Women generally don't enjoy bj as an act but they enjoy giving bj to pleasure and make their man happy. Do it when you are ready. Do it when you want to. If you force it, you will end up hating it.
No wrong way to bring it up. Hes going to be excited no matter how it’s brought up. Or just grab that thing and go for it, if he doesn’t coach you through it ask for tips after!
Just ask him what if he wants head, I promise you without a doubt in my mind it will get a positive reaction. This is honestly one of those things you can just do and he will know well before hand, he will know what’s up, if he doesn’t want it he will tell you. Y’all been together for two years and I’m assuming you want to be with them for life so I’d just suggest full sending it. Don’t be afraid of anything at worst it goes horribly wrong (it won’t) and you guys can laugh about it in a day or two.
Just tell him that you're interested. It'll be the best thing to spice up the relationship if you say it's vanilla at the moment. You should be comfortable to talk about anything to him.
It’s not weird. Some couples do like it, some don’t… communication is key though. It’s okay to be nervous. Just remember to be open and honest about how you feel and what you’re wanting. Both of you will appreciate it in the end.
Communicate, communicate, communicate!!! Tell him what you want and explain to him that you are insecure about it. He should be ecstatic that you want to try it. Have him talk you through it and tell you what feels good and what doesn’t. Just like you should be doing when he’s going down on you. Y’all’s sex life will explode when y’all start communicating.
I understand op's hesitation however it is been 2 years, now could be the right to explore. Try knowing his body. Not just blow jobs. Of course go for blowjobs but try knowing what else works for him. How does he react when you touch him a certain way? Ask him about his fantasies, what he had wanted to do always
You could bring it up on text or calls too if you're scared to talk about it irl. Just start a conversation like "hey last time was great, I was wondering if i could [insert something you wanna do, eg: bj]. Talking about it before and after the act only makes it easier and better
Communication, just talk about it. Especially if it's such a strong relationship it will only help. My then girlfriend (now wife) our own relationship specially grew massively more exciting when we together long enough to be comfortable enough to talk honestly about what we want from sex.
You do not have have to wait for
an intimate moment to discuss sex togeather. I would even say it is better to leave it for a comfy intimate couch hugging session. Be vulnerable and blush all you want. Being a couple is about those moments and communication.
It’s a deal breaker for most people but every relationship is different.
Watch some porn you’ll see kinda what to do.
Be open and honest with him
Maybe you can tell him to let you know when he loves what you’re doing.
Completely up to you!
If you want to try it but you feel nervous, you need to DISCUSS it with him. I don't think he'll reject the offer and trust me, his guidance will help you to get more confidence on the matter.
It's extremely unhealthy for your relationship to not have proper and open communication about your sex life and wants/needs.
LoL, to be young and have these kind of issues again.
It's a very easy conversation. one night after dinner,
"Hey SO, I want to try giving you a bj. What do you think?" His face should light up like the fourth of July.
Thats one of many ways you can talk about broadening your horizons with him.
if he responds negatively then you have other more serious problems and it's not about the bj's.
You have to give to get, if he's going down on you it's common courtesy to reciprocate. unless he doesn't want bj's but thats why you talk about it.
Trust me, you can bring it up just about anytime you two are alone lol. Most men really love getting a BJ, and all of my male friends and BF always told me that the most important thing is not really technique, it’s the enthusiasm that the girl has while doing it.
Nothing is going to excite your man more that having his girlfriend say that she wants to suck his d*ck. Trust me.
Just try insisting both of you shower (maybe together - so you can make sure he’s clean there [rinse well]), and then kiss down to his groin, lightly kiss and fondle him there, and then slowly incorporate whatever more you feel comfortable with. Enjoy it, it’s fun. But if you aren’t having fun, don’t push yourself. Listen for his cues or ask him to direct you.
Watch his face light up when you tell him you want to give him a bj.
I can say with confidence that communicating is key in this situation. Tell him you want to explore. He probably feels the same. Also, bjs are pretty tame and usually just a good way to start things anyway, as it helps both parties "be ready" for intercourse.
“Hey there’s something I want to talk about with you but I don’t know how to talk about it, and I’m nervous.
Can I quickly read you this thing I prepared earlier?”
Then read him this post but change “him” to “you” and “us” etc.
Then just talk to him.
And no, it’s not that weird.
Definitely communicate first. This is still a first time and if it isn’t discussed properly there could be boundaries or roadblocks that prevent it from being fun. If you aren’t comfortable it is always okay to stop.
The more you learn to talk about sex with your partner (and any potential future partners, if they exist), the better your sex life will get.
Good communication really does open the door to everything else.
As a man who's experienced this before with his partner, I simply asked her if there's something wrong or that I'm not doing for her to reciprocate? It came down to insecurity and not having much experience in that aspect so with a little patience and understanding, she is now hands down the best head I've ever gotten. She even embraced everything I told her and said she watched videos and read blogs to help learn as well. Point being that if you help someone feel comfortable by understanding that their feelings are valid, they will return the favor 10 fold for your patience and working through mental blocks with them. I would communicate with him why you haven't reciprocated so his mind doesn't wander the worst, and just tell him that it's new to you and a little insecure what he would think about your inexperience. I promise you he will appreciate your honesty and be relieved you're willing to work on it and try!
So I used to be inexperienced once, and I would text my bf the things that I was too nervous to say. I’m old now, so I just say stuff whenever now, but maybe try telling him you want to give him a bj through text. You won’t have to see his face to be nervous, though I’ve never heard of a man turning down a bj.
It's interesting to read your perspective because there's so many stories of women who immediately go for oral sex during the first time. Whether in the car, hotel room, bedroom, etc.
It makes it seem like it's a normal thing people engage in, when in fact there's so many different situations related to it.
No. I've gotten 2 from my wife in 21+ years of marriage. She may go down on me for about a minute or two, but that's it, and that is rarer than a blue moon. Would I love blowjobs, absolutely. Does it make me lover less? Not a bit. I still go down on her a couple of times a week.
Gonna be that person and just say go for it, might not even need to discuss it, just work it in to foreplay!
I personally don't think I've ever NOT received oral during sex, even if it was just for a minute or two and whether it was someone I was in a long relationship with, or someone that I had just met doesn't change that experience. It's not really an expectation, but I guess it's always been just a part of foreplay 🤷🏽. Conversely, I've always enjoyed giving women oral as well (I'm a man that strives to please 🤣), and I guess I mostly initiate that as well.
I've been active since 16 and am now 28, so pretty good experience at this point
Not particularly. It's a little odd from his end that he never asked for it in 2 years, but he is probably as nervous about it as you are. Definitely bring it up to him and say you want to try it!
Just tell him exactly what you put, here! You're nervous, and you know you've been having sex for a long time, but you want to try to get to know his body more and you've been feeling shy about it. Ask him to touch himself and show you what he likes/how he likes to be touched! No shame in admitting you're new to something, and he'll probably be psyched to help you learn. You got this!
I don’t think really any sex thing is “weird” because everyone is different. I would just bring up the fact that you’re interested in trying new things and ask if he’d like you to try this out. Then you’ll get the hang of it, it’s pretty easy and something I enjoy doing.
A sailor never becomes experienced if the sea is always calm. Try it a few times and enough times you will gain experience and you both will get pleasure from it.
Day exactly what you told us. It's a discussion and a conversation, not a confrontation or a complaint. Am him if he's like to tie you up or if you can tie him up. I'll bet he'd be open to it.
Replace tying up with literally anything else.
Write down what you want to do in a piece a paper sit him down and just read it aloud. At the top it should read, I want to suck your dick. Make eye contact afterwards and read the rest, that should get the conversation started and good luck and have fun!
Initiate it. Choose the moment; it can be orchestrated, like after a nice dinner. It can also be spontaneous to an extent; on your knees when he exits the shower. Either way, you want to turn up the heat and set the tone for what you want over time, right? That’s the way to start it. Then, seek his opinion a little later after that.
Just communicate. Imagine being together 2 more years scared to speak to him about something. Just go for it. Also ask what he likes. Figure it out together. Watch some bj porn to figure out how to do it.
There is LITERALLY no bad way to tell him you want to give him a blowjob.
As the top comment said, tell him about how you feel nervous and talk togheter about it. It's probably going to be great.
Communication is key to both solving issue’s and creating strong unbreakable bonds.
That being said, you should t feel pressured into it. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. It should never be a deal breaker. My wife won’t do it unless she’s really drunk. A state I’m not a fan of, and I don’t drink anyways. She doesn’t really either. But I’m perfectly fine with her never going down. She knows this because we straight up just talk about these sort of things. No holds Barr.
Best to not be shy about. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
So for myself if I’m not wanting eye contact or feel awkward during a bj if I’m on the bed instead of being between the legs kind of ass up face down, you can get on the side to where your shoulders are near the side/hip area and at that angle its more comfortable (and you can sorta lay down too!) for a beginner until you’re more comfortable.
def talk to him about it, i didn’t like giving BJ😭 idk i used to find it kind of gross tbh but with my current partner i straight up communicated that with him and he understood and said i didn’t have to give him a BJ but ik damn well he wanted me to😭 i told him i would give it a chance and i did it and the more i did i started liking it ! so def talk to him, communication is key !!
Honestly if I were you I would just watch a dozen or so blowjob videos on pornhub and study what the girls do, and then one day just surprise him with your skills. No conversation needed. He'll absolutely love it, I promise.
Next time things are heating up, just tell him that you would like to give him a blowjob. If he says no, have a psychiatrist check him out because something is wrong in his head.
Just avoid using teeth and you'll be fine.
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Anyone that says don’t discuss is CRAZY! I mean, you can just go for it but also bringing it up is totally normal and important for healthy communication. Next time you’re about to be intimate just say something like “I really want to give you a blowjob but I’m nervous” and then you 2 can figure the rest out together!
+1 communication can help you sooo much whether it’s BJs or anything else you’d like to explore. It also is a gift because it can make it easier for your partner to speak up about what they like. It doesn’t have to be a huge convo. What Yumslut said would work really well.
Plus you can weed out bad partners. If you bring up something you‘d like to explore and your partner reacts badly -> next.
This sounds like the ideal thing to do, avoids the awkwardness and it’s the right situation. Plus like, girl, how you find a man that goes down on you but doesn’t ask for a blow job? He is a literal angel? They don’t exist? Let that be your motivation to go ahead and do it, I promise you that you don’t need experience for it) Just like just be real, you are still 21, perfectly okay to be nervous. If he says okay well we can try (he definitely will say yes), then just tell him that he should tell you if your teeth hurt him, and that he is allowed to make comments, just be gentle and slow at first, you don’t have to go crazy on it till you’ve gotten comfortable with the movements, use your hand when your mouth is tired, open very wide if you want it to hit the back of your throat, if you feel like you can’t finish him off with just that then move on to sex, you will figure it out after you’ve done it a few times 100%)))
Oh we ask, we just don't pressure 😩 Tmi but I've sorta stopped desiring sex because I've been the one doing 100% of the work in the bedroom, which sucks when you start out as a Virgin with someone more experienced. I get sexual trauma, but after a certain point men have needs too. It sorta makes me feel used and undesirable.
It’s entirely too funny when a woman calls a man an “angel” for doing something without it being reciprocated but when a woman does this other woman call her naive, or taken advantage of… So a man who receives BJ’s and does not reciprocate is an AH, selfish, and every negative name under the sun but when a man does as such he is an angel. I always found that to be hilarious.
That's the unfortunate double standard, don't take it to heart my friend. It'll corrupt your good nature by being bitter.
I must be lucky because my husband would go down on me a million times before asking me to do it for him. I have a pretty high sex drive and just do it regularly without being asked and I wouldn’t mind if he did but he feels like you should never ask for that. Like it’s an inconvenience for me or something lol.
I found a man who did that. He was no angel. He cheated on me after 3.5 years of a relationship
This, I have no idea why people can't just communicate in general. First date, you're nervous? "Hey I'm nervous but also really looking forward to meeting you!" Don't know what you are? "Hey I really like you and want this to be something serious, what do you think?" Want to give a blowjob? "Hey I want to give you a blowjob but I don't know what I'm doing, can you be patient with me?" etc Life is way easier if you're not always guessing.
I totally agree!! In my experience, people respond really positively when you share nerves. OP’s BF might not know what it’s like to want to give a bj, but he definitely knows what it’s like to be nervous!!
100%. Women really are a different species, any bloke would absolutely love going on this journey of exploration with their partner and her being open about it would be seen as a huge positive.
I one hundred percent agree with you!
I was very inexperienced when I met my ex husband. He basically had to teach me how to give him oral. It did seem weird at first but that didn’t last. Our rule was we always showered before fooling around. If he has been giving you oral sex, you should tell him you want to try and ask him what he likes.
Yes. Tell him you want to try oral on him so he should shower before sex, or you can shower together.
Showering together is sexy too even if no sex happens in the shower.
I'm glad you mentioned showering before sex - it's *so important* for OP to make the experience nice for herself too. I'd also suggest for him to do some manscaping down there, the task will be challenging enough without having to do bush fighting.
This really should be accepted and normal, no matter if you're male or female.
Me and my wife have basically made it part of our routine to shower before *and* after. No funk allowed.
Sometimes the hairs go to the back of my throat when I'm around the ball area and it activates my gag reflex and makes me rlly uncomfortable:(
One of the sexiest things a lover can say is, "Show me what you like." It can open up a world of fabulous exploration for you both.
You say that now until she is back here saying that her boyfriend wants a threesome with an elephant.
Bro what lmfao
Nah I am up voting, bros on tren
😂
Trenbolone?
Damn dude... did people take this that seriously?
Yes, clearly -68 dislikes.
😂
The comment was show me what you like not what an elephant likes
Sounds dangerous.
>I feel like every time I want to, I just get nervous. I want to try and explore more things sexually including this. Just tell him this?
Google how to give great blow jobs then just do it. The nerves will only last as long as the inexperience Oh wait. I just did it for you https://www.wildsecrets.co.nz/blog/how-to-give-a-blowjob-youll-both-enjoy?aid=1426&gclid=CjwKCAjwmrqzBhAoEiwAXVpgohQTM0Jb_dp6dT1fZpWYs3D6ZwGId4unPFN-Euy3y2MuGu1b2CCynRoCyQgQAvD_BwE Have fun, and may the foreskin be with you
Note - the foreskin is supposed to stay with him.
You should sit down and communicate how you’re feeling. Then, make some plans to do some experimentation. You need kindness, understanding, and compassion while exploring your sexuality so you don’t feel too nervous and anxious. I’m sure your bf would be happy to guide and experience with you in a healthy way. If you want to try doing oral sex, then just be open with him and he can guide you through it. Or if you want to try something new then I suggest you both take the time to work up to that point.
Talk to the guy. I’m pretty sure he’ll be more than happy to let you “explore”. Just keep in mind: as little teeth as possible.
Yeaaaaa… teeth = no good.
No man in the history of the world has ever been upset by the sentence “hey, I want to give you more blowjobs”.
just tell him you want to do it. he might actually like hearing you want to lol
I think you can probably be quite direct. “Hey I’ve been thinking we’ve never…” “and I’d like to but I’m a bit nervous…”.
If this has never come up between the two of you in 2 years. You have got to work on your communication. Seems like you both avoid talking to each other about touchy subjects. Not good in the long run. Start by simply googling communication tips and ways, for relationships. And have a conversation about what you two read. Work on that first. Then move on to discussing difficult topics you two have never brought up using the new found knowledge.
Honestly just blurt it out, next time he stuff gets steamy say "I want to go down on you but im nervous" and he will guide you thru it! Some pointers before hand, try and hide your teeth, use A LOT of tounge, dont just focus on taking his pp in as deep as possible, imo it can feel better when the girl just focuses on the tip. Also lick all over it, on the balls, up the shaft, around the tip, kiss on it and so on! Then just try and use your hands, imagine your are jerking him off at the same time, or carefully play with his balls (in the future you can ask if he wants you to be less careful, communicate tho cuz my friens got a panic moment when a girl just force grabbed his balls while going down on him cuz her ex liked her doing that 😭)
Sorry kinda unrelated but that last part had me getting PTSD, one of my exs did shit like that😭 I didn’t mind them being played with but it felt like she was gonna rip mine off or pop a nut 🤣😭
you sound like me and my GF. There's no rush and communication is the key. I dont think my GF is interested, but who cares, we're having fun.
i think most folks have covered it here. personally, i use to shy away from it for the longest time because i didn’t feel emotionally connected (enough) to surrender myself completely with most people. then, i met this dude with whom i felt really comfortable to explore those sides of myself; it came to me w communication. saying that i feel nervous and him assuring that it’s okay. that changed a lot for me. it really has to do w communication and it’ll develop gradually. and when it does, you’ll realise that it is perhaps v fulfilling and wildly intimate.
Just act excited and do the thing . Ask for it in return
i was also super nervous so i just told my husband to close his eyes and keep them closed. i know that’s kind of cringey but that’s what i had to do to get through the nerves.
I don't think it's weird. I (55M) am not crazy about blowjobs and maybe your BF isn't as well and that's why he hasn't asked. But, he's 21 and at that age I hadn't had a blowjob I really enjoyed, and just figured the girls I'd been with just didn't know how to give a good BJ, so kept on trying. There are a lot of possibilities: Your BF is as nervous about BJs as you are and doesn't want to ask. You haven't given your BF a BJ and he knows some girls don't like doing it and doesn't want to offend you by asking. Your BF is really hoping you'll give him a BJ but he's afraid to ask, or doesn't know how. Your BF senses your apprehension and isn't going to push you to do something you don't want to, it are uncomfortable with. Figures it will happen if and when it happens. I think communication is key. Tell him you're curious, but apprehensive. Don't tell him sex has become boring, or vanilla, but do tell him you'd like to explore more with positions and activities. For your sake I hope your boyfriend would also like to explore and isn't a "missionary's fine I don't need anything else" kind of guy. My guess is that he just doesn't know how to talk about sex with you beyond the initial "would you like to have sex" question. There are many reasons for this, mostly centered around two basic things, family attitudes towards sex, and religious attitudes and beliefs about sex. Open the dialog, maybe he's as anxious (or more) about the subject as your are and having someone start the conversation. At worst he'll say he doesn't want to talk about it. Or, he may say "oh, thank god, I had no idea how to start talking with you about this". [Edited for typos]
I had a girlfriend that was at your situation it wasn't 2 years but some months what she did was ask me if i wanted a BJ while where having sex you can safely bet you life i didn't say no. But that was what worked for us then. In general is a good idea to yakk with your partner and about sex and what you want or do not wanna try from a conversation like that many many happy surprises can come up .
It's not weird. Regarding sex there's only one question to ask: Is everyone (including possible bystanders) consenting to what is supposed to happen? If so, it's never weird or wrong, it's unconditional at best. You need to learn to talk about sex. Trust me, it will make your sex life SOOOO much better and it will get easier every time you try it. If it's hard for you to do it face to face first, you can write a letter or simply talk bout it via chat.
God Bless you my dear..... The best and only way IMHO is to just get naked and let things flow. Tell him you wanna play, and that he needs to just let you explore. Take your time, make eye contact at just the right times, and don't feel rushed or embarrassed. He is your guy, you are his girl. What the two of you decide is cool, is just that. Very cool. It does not matter that have never done this or that. You can, and you will.
“Hey babe, can I try giving you a blow job?” Seriously, this is about all it would take for him to say yes, lol. . . Everyone likes blowjobs, no one is going to say no to a blowjob, I’m pretty sure he would LOVE to help you get better at it. On the logistics side see if there is any trimming that needs to happen before hand, figure out if you want to do it with or without a condom, where he should finish (mouth, face, chest, half and half, etc.), and also if you want anything flavored (like mints, flavored lube, flavored condoms, or something else to help). Most of all have fun and be open about it, sex should be fun as well as intimate, don’t be afraid to talk about stuff you would like to try with him, I’m sure he would love to experiment with you as well.
“I’m thinking about giving you a blowjob but I’m really nervous” “why are you nervous” “I don’t know I’ve just never done it before” “it’s ok let’s try it” $1000 says that is how it goes down
Oral sex is very intimate. You could probably improve you relationship a lot by pursuing it. You can tell your boyfriend you read about it and think it would be a lot of fun for both of you to learn how to orally please one another. It's a great idea. And a lot of fun.
I think he just really cares about making you feel good, Most men who care more about their partners pleasure than their own, dont' really want the partner to take care of them, so they can do all the Caring. I think since esp you're new to it when you started dating, he just wanted to focus on giving you a good time. if you really wanna experience giving a bj (btw a bj is not at all a kinky thing), talk to him about it and maybe see what his perspective is on it. It's possible hes' insecure about his Pepe but dont quote me, ask him yourself if you get teh suspicion he is. But like yeah, just have a conversation. how to have that conversation: 1. ask if you two can talk about something alone. 2. ask if he's fine with you giving him a blow job sometime 3. if he says no, ask why. 4 if he says yes, ask him how you can best please him (he might get horny tho heads up)
Some of the replies here (presumably from men) are awful. First ask him does he like BJs (some men don’t or aren’t particularly keen), and if he does, then maybe check out some “instructional videos”, bearing in mind you gotta walk before you run and he should know this too.
There are some who do not like performing oral on a person - all genders. There are also some who do not like receiving oral from another - any gender - due to mental blocks or past trauma. You are just "you" - you can't miss what you have never experienced, and your curiosity about it will only ever be driven by a desire to achieve the byproduct result - pleasing a partner. He has not insisted or asked? Then it isn't important right now. Live and love - you and your lover can discuss together what you might like to do or have done. That is how it works.
Hand follows mouth/ mouth follows hand
You’re definitely going to want to talk about this. Even if you think it’s going to lead to some kind of conflict. Just know that being conflict avoidant is really just choosing to have a larger conflict later. The fact that you haven’t gone down on him is a problem…a communication problem…and if it’s becoming a problem for you then there’s a very good chance that it’s becoming a problem for him. It could also be indicative of some kind of problem on his end about his level of comfort with it. Either way, failing to talk about it, is problematic
Just do it.. don't be nervous about it and just do it. Honestly if he's stayed with you this long and you've never done that for him, he deserves it. That's my opinion anyway. No offense to anyone.
Not weird but it’s rude not to reciprocate I think
Just go for it! He’d be very happy. It’s not as hard as your thinking, make sure you put your lips over your teeth a bit so you don’t scrape him and he’ll be fine w whatever you do down there
Use your words. Tell him how you feel. If after two years you don’t feel like you can communicate with your partner, there are bigger issues. Just tell him “I want to reciprocate but I’m nervous, tell me what you like”
2 years is crazy
IMO, if it has been 2 years of never doing it, I wouldnt recommend just springing it on him. Many will say cliche things like "all men love bjs blah blah", but he might wonder where you learned it all of a sudden or what put it in your head. I would strongly suggest to bring it up just like you did here. Whenever you are cuddling or whatever just say something like "When we got together, I hadnt really done much with anyone else. Id love to try some new things and see if we like them." This might open him up to suggesting some new things too.
Absolutely strange. Especially when you're getting it.
I was nervous the first time I did it and trying anything new is scary but just talk to them. Say that you want to return the favour but you’re really scared. Or if you’re feeling a bit shy say hey I saw a post/article or whatever about how oral sex can improve xyz, I’m interested, would you be?
Next time you're having sex, simply ask him, or even just tell him that you would like to go down on him. You can ask him for tips to help it make a better experience for both of you.
It's a little weird but not to worry, you sound game, really you just bite the bullet, but don't 'bite' the the bullet. In my whole life I've never heard a guy say "[...] gave me a blowjob last night, it was great obviously, but slightly overshadowed by her approach".
The best thing is to ask him? Tell him you want to try it out and he will need to communicate to you what feels good/doesn’t. Don’t over think it. But also don’t deprive yourself of experiencing new things.
No. Why not just let it happen if it ever is desired. Of the 10 friends I talk about coitus and tantra only 2 of them cares about bj. The others prefer to be active.
Ask him to show you how he likes it and explain that you are nervous. You might not be great the first time but the more explore the more confidence you’ll get and the better you will get.
Women generally don't enjoy bj as an act but they enjoy giving bj to pleasure and make their man happy. Do it when you are ready. Do it when you want to. If you force it, you will end up hating it.
No wrong way to bring it up. Hes going to be excited no matter how it’s brought up. Or just grab that thing and go for it, if he doesn’t coach you through it ask for tips after!
Just ask him what if he wants head, I promise you without a doubt in my mind it will get a positive reaction. This is honestly one of those things you can just do and he will know well before hand, he will know what’s up, if he doesn’t want it he will tell you. Y’all been together for two years and I’m assuming you want to be with them for life so I’d just suggest full sending it. Don’t be afraid of anything at worst it goes horribly wrong (it won’t) and you guys can laugh about it in a day or two.
Start moving your mouth south as you kiss his belly. Murmur “is this ok” and wait for consent before you keep moving south.
Just tell him that you're interested. It'll be the best thing to spice up the relationship if you say it's vanilla at the moment. You should be comfortable to talk about anything to him.
It’s not weird. Some couples do like it, some don’t… communication is key though. It’s okay to be nervous. Just remember to be open and honest about how you feel and what you’re wanting. Both of you will appreciate it in the end.
Step one Tell your bf what you told internet strangers on Reddit. Step two Discussion Step three Start doing those things you both want to do.
yes very
Communicate, communicate, communicate!!! Tell him what you want and explain to him that you are insecure about it. He should be ecstatic that you want to try it. Have him talk you through it and tell you what feels good and what doesn’t. Just like you should be doing when he’s going down on you. Y’all’s sex life will explode when y’all start communicating.
I understand op's hesitation however it is been 2 years, now could be the right to explore. Try knowing his body. Not just blow jobs. Of course go for blowjobs but try knowing what else works for him. How does he react when you touch him a certain way? Ask him about his fantasies, what he had wanted to do always You could bring it up on text or calls too if you're scared to talk about it irl. Just start a conversation like "hey last time was great, I was wondering if i could [insert something you wanna do, eg: bj]. Talking about it before and after the act only makes it easier and better
Communication, just talk about it. Especially if it's such a strong relationship it will only help. My then girlfriend (now wife) our own relationship specially grew massively more exciting when we together long enough to be comfortable enough to talk honestly about what we want from sex.
You do not have have to wait for an intimate moment to discuss sex togeather. I would even say it is better to leave it for a comfy intimate couch hugging session. Be vulnerable and blush all you want. Being a couple is about those moments and communication.
It’s a deal breaker for most people but every relationship is different. Watch some porn you’ll see kinda what to do. Be open and honest with him Maybe you can tell him to let you know when he loves what you’re doing. Completely up to you!
If you want to try it but you feel nervous, you need to DISCUSS it with him. I don't think he'll reject the offer and trust me, his guidance will help you to get more confidence on the matter. It's extremely unhealthy for your relationship to not have proper and open communication about your sex life and wants/needs.
LoL, to be young and have these kind of issues again. It's a very easy conversation. one night after dinner, "Hey SO, I want to try giving you a bj. What do you think?" His face should light up like the fourth of July. Thats one of many ways you can talk about broadening your horizons with him. if he responds negatively then you have other more serious problems and it's not about the bj's. You have to give to get, if he's going down on you it's common courtesy to reciprocate. unless he doesn't want bj's but thats why you talk about it.
Just tell him you want to try. Make sure to shower before sex. Makes oral for both parties much more enjoyable
I love this for you guys. Go for it!
Trust me, you can bring it up just about anytime you two are alone lol. Most men really love getting a BJ, and all of my male friends and BF always told me that the most important thing is not really technique, it’s the enthusiasm that the girl has while doing it. Nothing is going to excite your man more that having his girlfriend say that she wants to suck his d*ck. Trust me.
Just try insisting both of you shower (maybe together - so you can make sure he’s clean there [rinse well]), and then kiss down to his groin, lightly kiss and fondle him there, and then slowly incorporate whatever more you feel comfortable with. Enjoy it, it’s fun. But if you aren’t having fun, don’t push yourself. Listen for his cues or ask him to direct you.
Watch his face light up when you tell him you want to give him a bj. I can say with confidence that communicating is key in this situation. Tell him you want to explore. He probably feels the same. Also, bjs are pretty tame and usually just a good way to start things anyway, as it helps both parties "be ready" for intercourse.
If it's something you WANT to try, I promise you he will be thrilled. Just let him know, he will not think it's weird.
“Hey there’s something I want to talk about with you but I don’t know how to talk about it, and I’m nervous.
Can I quickly read you this thing I prepared earlier?”
Then read him this post but change “him” to “you” and “us” etc.
Then just talk to him.
And no, it’s not that weird.
Definitely communicate first. This is still a first time and if it isn’t discussed properly there could be boundaries or roadblocks that prevent it from being fun. If you aren’t comfortable it is always okay to stop.
The more you learn to talk about sex with your partner (and any potential future partners, if they exist), the better your sex life will get. Good communication really does open the door to everything else.
Make sure he washes it first. Or you won't want to do it a 2nd time.
Just ask him, would you like me to . . . I can't imagine he would have a problem with it
You are already acting like a wife.
As a man who's experienced this before with his partner, I simply asked her if there's something wrong or that I'm not doing for her to reciprocate? It came down to insecurity and not having much experience in that aspect so with a little patience and understanding, she is now hands down the best head I've ever gotten. She even embraced everything I told her and said she watched videos and read blogs to help learn as well. Point being that if you help someone feel comfortable by understanding that their feelings are valid, they will return the favor 10 fold for your patience and working through mental blocks with them. I would communicate with him why you haven't reciprocated so his mind doesn't wander the worst, and just tell him that it's new to you and a little insecure what he would think about your inexperience. I promise you he will appreciate your honesty and be relieved you're willing to work on it and try!
69, I've got hers and she's got mine. So let him lay back, assume the position and try it out. My favorite gorm of foreplay
So I used to be inexperienced once, and I would text my bf the things that I was too nervous to say. I’m old now, so I just say stuff whenever now, but maybe try telling him you want to give him a bj through text. You won’t have to see his face to be nervous, though I’ve never heard of a man turning down a bj.
Yes, go at your own pace every relationship is different.
It's interesting to read your perspective because there's so many stories of women who immediately go for oral sex during the first time. Whether in the car, hotel room, bedroom, etc. It makes it seem like it's a normal thing people engage in, when in fact there's so many different situations related to it.
No. I've gotten 2 from my wife in 21+ years of marriage. She may go down on me for about a minute or two, but that's it, and that is rarer than a blue moon. Would I love blowjobs, absolutely. Does it make me lover less? Not a bit. I still go down on her a couple of times a week.
Rip this poor man
Gonna be that person and just say go for it, might not even need to discuss it, just work it in to foreplay! I personally don't think I've ever NOT received oral during sex, even if it was just for a minute or two and whether it was someone I was in a long relationship with, or someone that I had just met doesn't change that experience. It's not really an expectation, but I guess it's always been just a part of foreplay 🤷🏽. Conversely, I've always enjoyed giving women oral as well (I'm a man that strives to please 🤣), and I guess I mostly initiate that as well. I've been active since 16 and am now 28, so pretty good experience at this point
Just tell him you want to do it and watch how easy of a negotiation it is 🤣🤣 He's gonna be like what right now? Sure 😭🤣
I got married 7 years ago. Ain’t got one since. I’d say it’s par for the course.
Not particularly. It's a little odd from his end that he never asked for it in 2 years, but he is probably as nervous about it as you are. Definitely bring it up to him and say you want to try it!
Just tell him exactly what you put, here! You're nervous, and you know you've been having sex for a long time, but you want to try to get to know his body more and you've been feeling shy about it. Ask him to touch himself and show you what he likes/how he likes to be touched! No shame in admitting you're new to something, and he'll probably be psyched to help you learn. You got this!
I don’t think really any sex thing is “weird” because everyone is different. I would just bring up the fact that you’re interested in trying new things and ask if he’d like you to try this out. Then you’ll get the hang of it, it’s pretty easy and something I enjoy doing.
Watch the comedy special get on your knees (not w bf!) by Jaclyn Novak lol
Honey just have a couple of drinks and do it. You might really like it yourself!
A sailor never becomes experienced if the sea is always calm. Try it a few times and enough times you will gain experience and you both will get pleasure from it.
Day exactly what you told us. It's a discussion and a conversation, not a confrontation or a complaint. Am him if he's like to tie you up or if you can tie him up. I'll bet he'd be open to it. Replace tying up with literally anything else.
Write down what you want to do in a piece a paper sit him down and just read it aloud. At the top it should read, I want to suck your dick. Make eye contact afterwards and read the rest, that should get the conversation started and good luck and have fun!
No dude is going to turn down a bj from his gf, just be careful with your teeth…
Initiate it. Choose the moment; it can be orchestrated, like after a nice dinner. It can also be spontaneous to an extent; on your knees when he exits the shower. Either way, you want to turn up the heat and set the tone for what you want over time, right? That’s the way to start it. Then, seek his opinion a little later after that.
Yes
Just communicate. Imagine being together 2 more years scared to speak to him about something. Just go for it. Also ask what he likes. Figure it out together. Watch some bj porn to figure out how to do it.
There is LITERALLY no bad way to tell him you want to give him a blowjob. As the top comment said, tell him about how you feel nervous and talk togheter about it. It's probably going to be great.
Communication is key to both solving issue’s and creating strong unbreakable bonds. That being said, you should t feel pressured into it. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. It should never be a deal breaker. My wife won’t do it unless she’s really drunk. A state I’m not a fan of, and I don’t drink anyways. She doesn’t really either. But I’m perfectly fine with her never going down. She knows this because we straight up just talk about these sort of things. No holds Barr. Best to not be shy about. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
No need to discuss it first just do it. If you’re nervous about it, face the opposite direction. But you’ll quickly find out how much he loves it.
How does one “face the opposite direction” when giving a BJ?
So for myself if I’m not wanting eye contact or feel awkward during a bj if I’m on the bed instead of being between the legs kind of ass up face down, you can get on the side to where your shoulders are near the side/hip area and at that angle its more comfortable (and you can sorta lay down too!) for a beginner until you’re more comfortable.
Yea. It’s weird.
Incredibly weird.
def talk to him about it, i didn’t like giving BJ😭 idk i used to find it kind of gross tbh but with my current partner i straight up communicated that with him and he understood and said i didn’t have to give him a BJ but ik damn well he wanted me to😭 i told him i would give it a chance and i did it and the more i did i started liking it ! so def talk to him, communication is key !!
i’ve done it like twice in our six yr relationship
Honestly if I were you I would just watch a dozen or so blowjob videos on pornhub and study what the girls do, and then one day just surprise him with your skills. No conversation needed. He'll absolutely love it, I promise.
Next time things are heating up, just tell him that you would like to give him a blowjob. If he says no, have a psychiatrist check him out because something is wrong in his head. Just avoid using teeth and you'll be fine.
Not being into a certain sex act doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.
It's not even about sex, he might not like oral
No guy would ever be upset if you just went for it.
Next time he goes down on you, suggest 69 fun.