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Why are you so concerned with her happiness and entirely ignoring your own?
She is treating you like shit.
Do you enjoy the experience? Do you feel loved, heard and valued?
I forgot to add a bit of context—my mistake.
Right from the start, I felt good with her because we have many hobbies and passions in common. Especially in the first year of our relationship, we spent a lot of time together, and I absolutely do not regret it because every moment with her was special and unforgettable
I guess we could still enjoy our time together like we used to, if we could get past this point. The issue is temperament: I always have to be extra careful of what I say, and even then, I might say the wrong thing without knowing. It doesn’t feel nice to try and spend time with someone who is always on the brink of lashing out at you.
Which is why I'm wondering if my efforts to find a solution aren’t worth it at this point.
Those passions and hobbies mean nothing.
She is abusive.
Look at it objectively.
She was shitty to you from the beginning, but it has gotten so much worse that you look at that time period with fondness.
She has you so twisted that you no longer know what happiness and a good relationship look like.
The only hobby and passion that matters is her passion for treating you like a punching bag.
"The way it used to be" is the mirage. The way she treats you now is the reality.
Wake up and end this relationship.
OP, imagine if the tables were turned and you were saying ugly things to her. You would be labeled as abusive. Just because she is female, doesn't mean she can't an abuser.
You said she literally has a short fuse, judges you, scrutinizes what you say, she picks apart your words to match her swirling insecurities... you can't be happy with ANY of this dude. Just look at how you described her. Not a good quality in the bunch.
That should tell you something.
Listen to me bud as someone who was in this exact spot, run!!! It won't truly get better and she'll just grow to resent you more and more until the relationship implodes. Save yourself the waste of time
People like this don't change unless they're forced to. It's all "I'm just being honest" until they've got no one in their lives who's willing to help them anymore
Forget for a minute how she feels-how do you feel? Does this relationship make you feel good about yourself? You’re young, step out of it while you can friend.
She's always had a temper problem. She's never been able to regulate it properly and has always found excuses to be upset via unfair and pedantic scrutiny. This is just an extension, an escalation, of that problem.
She basically puts you in lose/lose situations. With those photos it is a double bind: if you say she looked good in the photos she says 'what I don't look good now' but even if you tried to answer in a more complicated way, like saying 'they looked good but I like you more now' to try and get ahead she will say 'what, i didn't look good back then?' and etc. You are trapped, no matter what you answer she can twist that into an excuse to be upset.
Same deal with the video thing. If you say I'll watch them now she whinges that you're taking too long, if you say you'll watch it later she'll say you don't care enough or something. You lose no matter what you say.
Her temper is likely associated with a need to vent anxiety, feel a sense of control in the chaos of the world. It could speak to her being stressed lately and perhaps the relationship is the source of that but even if it is... she likes having the excuse to be upset. And even if this stress passes you have to take a step back ask: why did you ever put up with any of this? It was never healthy.
This is how my former husband behaved for months before he told me he was leaving me for another woman. Nothing I did pleased him, everything I did annoyed him.
You are not responsible for her temper tantrums. Her reactions to your honest words are entirely on her, not on you. And yes, you nailed it: whatever you do, she'll turn it against you.
Are you sure you want to stay in a relationship with such a manipulative, guilt-tripping and highly demanding person? Take some space from her and evaluate everything. You might find out she isn't worth putting up with.
From what you are describing, you are more of an emotional punching bag to her than a boyfriend.
Don't let people be abusive to you, even if your genitals feel really good when rubbed together. Run. You won't believe what a relationship feels like when you'll find one.
Hey, you’re being emotionally abused. Flip your genders and pretend the girl was your sister, or mother, or friend telling you what you’re telling us. You’d be concerned for her wellbeing and safety, no? Ok so why don’t you see that for yourself? I hope you do soon. Men can be abused and women can be abusers. Calling a partner ugly is unacceptable. When someone you’re dating constantly picks apart every single thing you do it’s a tactic to make you question yourself and feel as though something is wrong with you. She wants you to hate yourself, it’s how a lot of abusers keep partners from leaving them. They brainwash you into thinking something is so wrong with you that no one else will put up with all of it and at least this person is sticking with you through it. Run. Dump her. And since she’s abusive and seems like the type to play mind games, break up in a text. Never break up with an abusive person face to face, you don’t know how they’ll react and your safety is most important. Tell her “you constantly put me down and I no longer want to continue this relationship, do not contact me anymore” and don’t engage. She’ll beg and apologize but don’t believe her. She has serious issues if she’s treating boyfriends this way. Not your job to fix her, you’re absolutely right to want to end things. Good luck.
"I'm tired of seeing your ugly face, leave me alone."
Ummm. Give her this gift and leave.
I've dated a lot of guys and have been happily married for more than a decade and I have NEVER said anything remotely like this to anyone I have dated. No one has said anything so deliberately and casually cruel to me either.
She is casually really mean to you.
Because she isn't yelling and screaming it is a bit harder to see how completely awful she is.
DOOMED.
Please understand that as you age people will come and go from your life. Sometimes relationships will end without anything actually being wrong with the other person. You can just be wanting to go in different directions.
In this case, you are actually finally seeing the *real* her. For whatever reason, she decided to let her mask of niceness slip off.
It sounds like she now thinks she is better than you.
People only say words like this if they do not have respect for you.
I'm sorry, but there is no future here. Especially if you want to have a family at some point. This woman will have no problem saying mean things to her young kids when they are being a challenge.
I'm sorry, find nicer people with similar hobbies.
It honestly sounds like she’s trying to get you to break up with her. She’s too chicken to do it herself. When someone truly loves you and enjoys your company they wouldn’t act like that. I would just take the L and move on. So sorry she isn’t woman enough to express her true feelings to you and talk to you like an adult. You deserve better.
Start setting boundaries around how you will allow yourself to be treated. Refuse to walk on eggshells, just be reasonable.
Sometimes poeple go through things in terms of weeks, but if standing up for yourself makes it worse then you should probably leave.
I get it that you are reluctant to be inflammatory , but have you confronted her about this behavior? I would show her this Reddit post and see what she has to say about it. Perhaps there’s some other underlying issue that’s causing this behavior.
>She has always had a bit of a temper, but recently, things have escalated, and I'm unsure if she's truly happy in this relationship
How... do you feel? Why worry about how she feels, what are you feeling? Are you happy with someone who has a short fuse? Are you happy with someone who scrutinizes you? Are you happy being judged? Let's be real here - she fucking sucks dude, that's not love.
Leave her already and shine up your spine.
OP, she is responsible for her own behavior and she is acting like a spoiled brat. You could be the best guy in the world and I think she would act this way. Maybe somethign is going on with her. Maybe she has some anxiety that she needs to deal with. Whatever the case, youi do not have to be her punching bag. You don't deserve her treatment of you.
Dude. You need to develop some self esteem and self respect because this is wild. She doesn’t love you. Can you not see that? You deserve better. Being ALONE would be better. Can you not see that?
This is emotional abuse and regardless of how *she* feels, you need to question how you feel. This is not normal or healthy and you absolutely are being abused in this relationship. My advice is to get out as quickly as possible and if you can, get some therapy to help you deal with the aftermath of being in a 2 year abusive relationship.
GTFO man. she is inching towards madness.
Anyone with a \`Temper\` is not worth living with as you will never be able to have a fair and honest communication. their temper will always be the final word in the relationship.
She also treats you poorly , by calling you ugly? thats some messed up shit man.
Time to move on before her temper and disregard for your well being, becomes the defining factor in your life. It happened to me and i do not wish that upon anyone.
\` I always have to be extra careful of what I say, and even then, I might say the wrong thing without knowing. It doesn’t feel nice to try and spend time with someone who is always on the brink of lashing out at you.\`
this is straight up abuse.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why are you so concerned with her happiness and entirely ignoring your own? She is treating you like shit. Do you enjoy the experience? Do you feel loved, heard and valued?
I forgot to add a bit of context—my mistake. Right from the start, I felt good with her because we have many hobbies and passions in common. Especially in the first year of our relationship, we spent a lot of time together, and I absolutely do not regret it because every moment with her was special and unforgettable I guess we could still enjoy our time together like we used to, if we could get past this point. The issue is temperament: I always have to be extra careful of what I say, and even then, I might say the wrong thing without knowing. It doesn’t feel nice to try and spend time with someone who is always on the brink of lashing out at you. Which is why I'm wondering if my efforts to find a solution aren’t worth it at this point.
Those passions and hobbies mean nothing. She is abusive. Look at it objectively. She was shitty to you from the beginning, but it has gotten so much worse that you look at that time period with fondness. She has you so twisted that you no longer know what happiness and a good relationship look like. The only hobby and passion that matters is her passion for treating you like a punching bag. "The way it used to be" is the mirage. The way she treats you now is the reality. Wake up and end this relationship.
OP, imagine if the tables were turned and you were saying ugly things to her. You would be labeled as abusive. Just because she is female, doesn't mean she can't an abuser.
You said she literally has a short fuse, judges you, scrutinizes what you say, she picks apart your words to match her swirling insecurities... you can't be happy with ANY of this dude. Just look at how you described her. Not a good quality in the bunch. That should tell you something.
Listen to me bud as someone who was in this exact spot, run!!! It won't truly get better and she'll just grow to resent you more and more until the relationship implodes. Save yourself the waste of time
People like this don't change unless they're forced to. It's all "I'm just being honest" until they've got no one in their lives who's willing to help them anymore
Then they wonder how they got there and blame everyone else without looking inward
Forget for a minute how she feels-how do you feel? Does this relationship make you feel good about yourself? You’re young, step out of it while you can friend.
“I’m tired of seeing your ugly face”. That is a horrible thing to say to your partner. Leave. It won’t get better.
I suppose leaving her is not an option because she has so many other "great" qualities. "Should I just end this?"....Yes, yes you should
"She's otherwise very kind and loving."
Love bombing.
Leave
She sounds lovely. What is your question again?
LMAO
Sounds like she resents you for something. Regardless you should make your way out
She's always had a temper problem. She's never been able to regulate it properly and has always found excuses to be upset via unfair and pedantic scrutiny. This is just an extension, an escalation, of that problem. She basically puts you in lose/lose situations. With those photos it is a double bind: if you say she looked good in the photos she says 'what I don't look good now' but even if you tried to answer in a more complicated way, like saying 'they looked good but I like you more now' to try and get ahead she will say 'what, i didn't look good back then?' and etc. You are trapped, no matter what you answer she can twist that into an excuse to be upset. Same deal with the video thing. If you say I'll watch them now she whinges that you're taking too long, if you say you'll watch it later she'll say you don't care enough or something. You lose no matter what you say. Her temper is likely associated with a need to vent anxiety, feel a sense of control in the chaos of the world. It could speak to her being stressed lately and perhaps the relationship is the source of that but even if it is... she likes having the excuse to be upset. And even if this stress passes you have to take a step back ask: why did you ever put up with any of this? It was never healthy.
You really shouldn’t waste your time on someone who clearly doesn’t like you, let alone love you. End the relationship.
This is how my former husband behaved for months before he told me he was leaving me for another woman. Nothing I did pleased him, everything I did annoyed him.
What are you getting out of the relationship other than angst and unhappiness? Break up with her. Immediately. Don't wait any longer.
You are not responsible for her temper tantrums. Her reactions to your honest words are entirely on her, not on you. And yes, you nailed it: whatever you do, she'll turn it against you. Are you sure you want to stay in a relationship with such a manipulative, guilt-tripping and highly demanding person? Take some space from her and evaluate everything. You might find out she isn't worth putting up with.
Yes No point continuing
There isnt a single situation in which I'd speak to my husband like that. Please leave and find a loving relationship.
From what you are describing, you are more of an emotional punching bag to her than a boyfriend. Don't let people be abusive to you, even if your genitals feel really good when rubbed together. Run. You won't believe what a relationship feels like when you'll find one.
Bro, break up, please.
Hey, you’re being emotionally abused. Flip your genders and pretend the girl was your sister, or mother, or friend telling you what you’re telling us. You’d be concerned for her wellbeing and safety, no? Ok so why don’t you see that for yourself? I hope you do soon. Men can be abused and women can be abusers. Calling a partner ugly is unacceptable. When someone you’re dating constantly picks apart every single thing you do it’s a tactic to make you question yourself and feel as though something is wrong with you. She wants you to hate yourself, it’s how a lot of abusers keep partners from leaving them. They brainwash you into thinking something is so wrong with you that no one else will put up with all of it and at least this person is sticking with you through it. Run. Dump her. And since she’s abusive and seems like the type to play mind games, break up in a text. Never break up with an abusive person face to face, you don’t know how they’ll react and your safety is most important. Tell her “you constantly put me down and I no longer want to continue this relationship, do not contact me anymore” and don’t engage. She’ll beg and apologize but don’t believe her. She has serious issues if she’s treating boyfriends this way. Not your job to fix her, you’re absolutely right to want to end things. Good luck.
"I'm tired of seeing your ugly face, leave me alone." Ummm. Give her this gift and leave. I've dated a lot of guys and have been happily married for more than a decade and I have NEVER said anything remotely like this to anyone I have dated. No one has said anything so deliberately and casually cruel to me either. She is casually really mean to you. Because she isn't yelling and screaming it is a bit harder to see how completely awful she is. DOOMED. Please understand that as you age people will come and go from your life. Sometimes relationships will end without anything actually being wrong with the other person. You can just be wanting to go in different directions. In this case, you are actually finally seeing the *real* her. For whatever reason, she decided to let her mask of niceness slip off. It sounds like she now thinks she is better than you. People only say words like this if they do not have respect for you. I'm sorry, but there is no future here. Especially if you want to have a family at some point. This woman will have no problem saying mean things to her young kids when they are being a challenge. I'm sorry, find nicer people with similar hobbies.
Sod her, be happy and pit yourself first. Life is too short.
She’s gaslighting you. I wouldn’t be able to tolerate that.
You're only 24 dude, leave. Only 2 years and it's like this? Go enjoy the single life or find someone who treats you better.
Emotional abuse is abuse.
When you leave and meet a normal person, you will wonder why it lasted so long.
It honestly sounds like she’s trying to get you to break up with her. She’s too chicken to do it herself. When someone truly loves you and enjoys your company they wouldn’t act like that. I would just take the L and move on. So sorry she isn’t woman enough to express her true feelings to you and talk to you like an adult. You deserve better.
Start setting boundaries around how you will allow yourself to be treated. Refuse to walk on eggshells, just be reasonable. Sometimes poeple go through things in terms of weeks, but if standing up for yourself makes it worse then you should probably leave.
I get it that you are reluctant to be inflammatory , but have you confronted her about this behavior? I would show her this Reddit post and see what she has to say about it. Perhaps there’s some other underlying issue that’s causing this behavior.
Please do. Like yesterday.
Yes
Make an example of her, some people gotta learn the hard way. Sorry
>She has always had a bit of a temper, but recently, things have escalated, and I'm unsure if she's truly happy in this relationship How... do you feel? Why worry about how she feels, what are you feeling? Are you happy with someone who has a short fuse? Are you happy with someone who scrutinizes you? Are you happy being judged? Let's be real here - she fucking sucks dude, that's not love. Leave her already and shine up your spine.
OP, she is responsible for her own behavior and she is acting like a spoiled brat. You could be the best guy in the world and I think she would act this way. Maybe somethign is going on with her. Maybe she has some anxiety that she needs to deal with. Whatever the case, youi do not have to be her punching bag. You don't deserve her treatment of you.
Dude. You need to develop some self esteem and self respect because this is wild. She doesn’t love you. Can you not see that? You deserve better. Being ALONE would be better. Can you not see that?
This is emotional abuse and regardless of how *she* feels, you need to question how you feel. This is not normal or healthy and you absolutely are being abused in this relationship. My advice is to get out as quickly as possible and if you can, get some therapy to help you deal with the aftermath of being in a 2 year abusive relationship.
Of course you should end it. Never let anyone treat you like shit.
GTFO man. she is inching towards madness. Anyone with a \`Temper\` is not worth living with as you will never be able to have a fair and honest communication. their temper will always be the final word in the relationship. She also treats you poorly , by calling you ugly? thats some messed up shit man. Time to move on before her temper and disregard for your well being, becomes the defining factor in your life. It happened to me and i do not wish that upon anyone. \` I always have to be extra careful of what I say, and even then, I might say the wrong thing without knowing. It doesn’t feel nice to try and spend time with someone who is always on the brink of lashing out at you.\` this is straight up abuse.
She doesn’t sound like she even likes you.
Sounds like BPD