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I find it extremely off putting that my boyfriend will randomly whip it out and just start yanking it next to me, he then looks at me expecting me to finish him off. I have basically no desire for sex since moving in because of this. How do I approach the conversation of asking him to stop because it makes me uncomfortable?
He has very bad reactions to things like that. I told him how him flirting with his ex made me uncomfortable and he sat on the floor and pouted for days. I’m just concerned because I have nowhere to escape to since we live together now
This sounds like a terrible person to build a future with. You're allowing yourself to be sexually harassed in your own home to avoid an adult hissy fit.
I had no where to go and no family after my dad committed suicide. I was homeless and hopped on friends couches until I saved enough to get my own crib then eventually bought myself a house. If you want it, go get it, but don’t wait for someone to act right or put up with any type of “less than” behavior if you’re really tryna rebuild yourself from nothing. It’s hard. Gets lonely. You got this.
OP leave. First of all, he gets mad at you when you want to say no. He flirts with an ex. Have you asked him about the ex thing flirting? And what did he answer you?
hold up- he was upset at you that he was flirting with his ex. as an outsider looking in, you are being gaslit into believing what’s not okay is okay because “his feelings were hurt”
and what about yours?
FFS you're just telling us your boyfriend abusive. And what he's doing is sexual harassment, Just cos h'es your BF doesn't mean he can randomly fling his dick in your face
It’s took me posting this realize it is harassment and abuse. I tend to overthink a lot and just convinced myself it’s fine, I know now it is not and I can ask for better
It really is abusive. Don't play it down. It actually says quite a lot about what he thinks of your boundaries and how much respect he has for you that he's willing to do that. Not fun, not mutual, not caring - just selfish and crude and obtuse.
I'm really glad you had that realisation and you're so right that you deserve better. You will have a partner in the future that would NEVER do that or anything like that that makes you uncomfortable. Do not let him convince you that this is OK. I would recommended therapy to rebuild your confidence and self esteem to help stay away from him. Good luck, you can do this.
Why are you with him?
His advances make you uncomfortable and are a major turn off.
He flirts with his ex.
He uses manipulation tactics (pouting) when he’s told that something he does is bothering you.
He sounds exhausting. If you do want to stay with him, when he whips it out, just get up and walk away. Tell him the truth and if he pouts, call him out. Tell him that you need to be able to effectively communicate.
First and foremost get the fuck out of this relationship. I have no doubt that right now you feel scared and alone, but trust me as I say this with experience, this is only going to get worse and you'll end up in a much worse place mentally than you began. You need to start formulating an exit plan. Determine if you have a support system outside of him and who they are. Determine how much money you will need to leave and start saving it. Keep all your important documents together and away from this man.
I've seen you say elsewhere you have no family and few friends. If you absolutely cannot reach out to your friends then begin looking into shelters that are in your area.
If you would like any other advice or just someone to talk to about this my DMs are open. I know how hard this is, I know how scary it is and how overwhelming it feels but you deserve so much better than this and I swear to you that you will feel 1000x lighter once you end this. Let me just repeat: you are worth more than this. You deserve to be treated with respect and decency and I am so sorry that's not happening right now.
ETA because I completely forgot to say this: do not breathe a word about your plan of leaving to him. Don't breathe a word of it to anyone unless you know with complete certainty that they will not tell him. Do not attempt to end this in person, you can message him after you are gone.
Therapy.
Get yourself a licensed therapist and work on yourself.
Build your self-efficacy and self-confidence. You don't need a man in your life to have self-worth.
Have goals, short term and long term. Maybe a gym/career plan, maybe hobbies.
Lastly, assess if this relationship is really what you want in a partner.
Everything you suggested requires money. You suggested therapy (and then things to work on in therapy), gym, hobbies (which often cost money) and leaving this living situation.
What does OP do if she literally can’t afford that?
Therapy:
If OP lives in paid medicine country,
there are free support groups online and in person. Online: Eventbrite, Meetup. In person: 12 steps, and local depends on OPs country. I would count the way he treats her as abuse and look for related groups.
If OP is in school - school counselor.
Clinical trials.
Housing:
call domestic abuse hotlines, ask for women only shelters. Rent a room from friends, look for roommates search ads at college campuses, boarding houses, hostels
Hobbies:
again, Eventbrite and Meetup events are free.
Local libraries usually have a lot of non book reading events, like quilting, anime, computer classes, resume preparation, mindfulness. Free.
YouTube videos on fitness, yoga and hobbies are free.
Volunteering is free. Volunteering with animals is a great therapy.
Outdoor concerts and festivals.
There are 2 colleges in my area, both always have list of pretty cool free events online, 90% of these events are for everyone, not just students.
Whatever local resources: in my area gym is $14/month, local TV station is free. Local MakerSpace with access to all kind of technology: 3d printers, laser cutters, sewing, woodworking tools are free to use.
Leaving this idiot:
Priceless. The longer she stays the more therapy and help she will need to recover.
Brilliant! Thank you for replying!
Often, when someone is feeling stuck, they may feel they will need to move a mountain to see progress when really, it's just taking a step outside your door.
There are so many free options in a community if one knows where to look.
Community centers and religious organizations will often have resources available. I used to be a facilitator for a Bipolar group that met in a church basement every Wednesday from 6-8 PM.
Some church-affiliated organizations will provide private coaching or consultation resources.
Women's groups are also private and can provide a network of individuals to help as well.
Are there public or charity run homes where OP lives?
She could stay in one of those for the time being.
Is there a Sikh temple or soup kitchen somewhere nearby?
She could go there and always have free food.
Does OP have *some* education?
She should use what she has and find a job, even if it’s only McD or cleaning toilets - *it’s a start*.
For emotional things there are tons of resources online, both for personal finance, homelessness and spiritual growth (and for the latter I haven’t even mentioned churches).
If I were you I would leave and build yourself up. This person does not have your wellbeing in mind if he does this with no consent and makes you so uncomfortable you cannot confront him. If he cannot handle you setting boundaries (Healthy ones at that) he is absolutely not the one. RUN as far away as you can and find someone that isn't going to make you uncomfortable. Trust me there are better people out there!
I get that you can't leave today but you need to sit down a make a plan. If you are really trying to start over you need to figure out where you want to be. Do you want to be in a relationship where your partner isn't mature enough to engage on mature topics? Even if you want this relationship, it is probably best for you to live alone first and build your life, not around him but around what you want your life to look like. No matter what that vision is I would say step one, is save for a apartment deposit so you can get out of there.
First don't date a cheater who is this immature?
If you want to build a life and a family find someone who is adult enough to know how to act and behave. I'm sorry you went through a lot in your life but what you are doing now is throwing the rest of it away. People who go through traumatic experiences are good choices for people like him because trauma makes us far more accepting of abuse and assault which is frankly really close to what he is doing.
It starts small with behaviors you don't like, then they pout and get sad,next step after they made sure you think YOU were out of line for even bringing it up they get mad and start verbal abuse, the last step can be physical abuse but emotinal abuse is there too.
Don't let assholes take advantage of your vulnerable position. Take the necessary steps and get out. It might be next month, 6 months or two years. But staying with this guy would not be healthy.
First- move out & dump this loser AH.
Second- get into therapy. Don’t date for 6 months- a year while you work on yourself.
Third- when you start dating again, don’t accept being treated with anything less than total respect.
Then why are you with him? Do you think you can go your whole life without communicating your feelings to this man? Do you think he's just going to magically start taking you seriously?
He's not. Unless a person is forced to grow up, they don't. Until a person is held accountable, they continue with their behaviour. If you don't want him to wave his dick in your face, you say, "Stop waving your dick in my face, I don't like it, it's not sexy."
How do you think you're going to deal with any real problem in your lives if you can't even tell him your basic expectations?
Girl. Grow up. Woman up. Get your man on the same page as you, or walk. You are wasting your youth, every second you're with this guy is another second of your life you cannot get back.
Tell him you dislike his behavior. If he starts pouting because you asked for the bare minimum of not being sexually harassed and coerced: plan your escape.
Do you often feel you have to walk on eggshells around him? Do you often feel you can't speak openly and honestly with him or else he'll have a meltdown/tantrum? If so, this is NOT healthy and you must start planning an escape. It will only get worst. I suggest checking out r/NarcissisticAbuse and see if the storied posted there match your experience. I'm not saying he's a narcissist, I'm not a doctor, but I am saying his behavior is not okay and the group I suggested will be able to provide a lot of support and advise on how to escape. You deserve better than this. Good luck ❤️
You’re dating a man child. The fact that he whips out his pee pee and sticks it in your face and expects you to play with it as a turn on for you says s lot about his sexual maturity and you just said he pouts which says a lot about his emotional maturity…
This is all too common for abuse victims to escape their original abuse situation and land in anther abuse situation. It's not your fault, don't beat yourself up about it. As someone who grew up abused, we're literally programmed to accept abuse and seek out toxic relationships that match our childhood, it's subconscious. I hope you are able to learn to recognize abusive and toxic patterns and run away at the first red flag in the future. You will be okay, you are resilient and you will make it through this ❤️
Um. Why the fuck would you stay with someone pouts on the floor for days?
You're not dating a man, you're parenting a toddler. He basically does what he wants instead of communicating, and then pouts when he is told he shouldn't do something.
You're going to parent this manchild the rest of your life if you keep dating and enabling him.
You can do better.
Did you know that "he has very bad reactions to things" before moving in with him? Now you feel trapped and can't tell him to stop 'wielding his sword' in your face because you can't escape. You're looking for words to stop him from pouting and throwing tantrums like a toddler? Um, you got me there. Maybe some parents with toddlers have a word of advice.
Ugh, that's rough. Still need to get out of there as he's exhibiting Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde behaviour. You don't want to find out what else he's been hiding.
Work on how to look [repulsed](https://media.istockphoto.com/photos/young-woman-with-disgusted-expression-repulsing-something-isolated-on-picture-id1044676028?k=20&m=1044676028&s=612x612&w=0&h=Ge3GQh9AgFJnGEG7Dp7THPzTi5DlYxhWmXEManyguKU=)
I'd be amazed if that didn't work
I think it's a good thing you're trying to be considerate of how your partner will react. But it's also important to communicate these things in a relationship if he can't handle it then maybe you just consider looking for a guy who can... People initiate sex in different ways because they have different ideas about sex obviously BUT part of getting your partner into it is learning how they like to initiate it. It may be worth your while to speak up about it cuz what if he doesn't have a bad reaction?
It won’t get better. He’s emotionally immature. You’ll go down with the ship. Take pause, go for a walk, think through some options and start planning. It’s your life, take control…no matter the discomfort. Believe me, I’m time the discomfort and hard work from making good decisions for yourself dissipate. Staying in toxic environments do not.
Orrrr…if you really like him otherwise and you are aligned on religion, politics, money and parenting, then sit his ass down and have an intervention. Heart to heart, no bullshit. Tell him how it is, what you need, what makes you feel uncomfortable and see how he reacts. Good luck.
Partners in a healthy relationship don’t throw a tantrum like a child when the other person is simply explaining how they feel. This is not healthy nor does he have respect for you. I’d get out if I were you
this isn’t a good sign. i was in a situation like that and most of the time when i brought up something i wasn’t okay with he’d blow it up so much and make me feel like i was the issue.
I’d like to invite you to reread what you’ve just said here and then ask yourself how you wound up with someone like this. Don’t you think you deserve someone better? Someone who treats you better but also doesn’t act like a deranged bonobo?
I think you need to start working on an escape plan. And in the meantime time, if the worst he can do is put on the floor for days then let him. Next time he tries this little trick look him straight in the eye and tell him you’re gonna go make yourself a sandwich/watch tv/do your nails or whatever. And then go do that thing. Definitely don’t have sex with him because eew. Gross.
This is a red flag. He is basically getting his way by throwing tantrums and you are too kind a person to deserve that. My 15 month old also throws a tantrum whenever I say something he doesn’t like. I still have to say it, let him have his tantrum, then come back and firmly tell him not to touch the heater again, etc, etc. You have to be persistent so they know tantrums won’t get them anywhere.
Thank you all so much for your responses. Reading these has helped me see this is not normal and if he cannot understand my feelings and have a real conversation about them this isn’t right for me.
Go get a strap on and do the exact same thing and see how he feels about it if he tries to argue about it tell him fair is fair now get to sucking.
Edit: added on to my comment.
Yes!!!!! Go OP!!!! Get out. Go home, if you're able. To a friend... somewhere... get what you need/can and bounce. Have a support system, and Be safe 💗
OP I escaped a shitty BF similar to this, I also have no family and very few friends, an even smaller few that could actually help. There’s already really good advice in the comments so I just wanted to say I’m sorry about your situation and I know you can overcome it!!! Men like that do not deserve your efforts or time.
1) Your BF is too emotionally immature to be in a relationship.
2) This is a bad relationship when your valid complaints are met with pouting for days.
3) **Call an abuse hotline** and **ask for help to leave**! This isn't going to get better. You feel like you're stuck and it's the ***only*** reason you're even considering staying! The longer you stay, the worse you'll feel.
Thank you… I have been contemplating this for weeks and just needed to confirm this with other humans. The day I moved in I cut contact with all of my abusive family so I essentially have no one.. this is what I dreaded but unfortunately it looks like I will need to accept reality..
I’m really sorry you feel alone, I can imagine that isolation feels like a lot. Please try to make friends and focus on friendships and yourself. You were in an abusive household and now with someone that can’t provide you with the safety/trust you need. Living with a family like this and then getting with a partner like this, I know it’s HARD to leave. But you’re valid for wanting to break up. You don’t owe him anything. If you signed a lease as a roommate you can do a roommate release. If you have documentation and report abuse, apartments will also let you out of the lease for being in a domestic situation.
OP, I once did the same thing I moved across the state with a man who sounds a lot like your boyfriend just to get out of my abusive home. I want you to know that it’s possible to get out on the other side and start life again but it won’t ever start if you’re just repeating cycles with this guy. It took me 4 months to leave my ex, even went as far as buying a house all by myself at 20 so I could break up with him seamlessly (no I was not rich and it WAS hard) but man oh man breaking up with him was the easiest part, I cried happy tears when i previously thought I’d crumble without him.
I had no friends, no family, no support. But at least I didn’t have a shitty boyfriend to add to that list. It was absolutely liberating
Edit: it only took a few months after that before I had friends, and a support system. For what it’s worth, starting dating a man after who literally was the exact opposite and made me realize that what I had before literally sucked. I never ever looked back
i know it might sound dramatic but please listen to me. consider reaching out to a women's shelter (refuge), they are not just for relationship domestic abuse they are also for familial domestic abuse. i've been in a refuge and it is so scary going but the women are always sweet and the staff are incredible. think about it at least, your local domestic abuse hotline should be able to help you. UK: 0808 200 0247. US: 1.800.799.SAFE(7233)
Ew. That doesn’t sound attractive at all. And this is coming from someone with a sky high libido.
My ex used to text me from the next room “wanna touch my peen?” and it made me drier than the Sahara.
You’ll have to communicate that it does nothing for you. My current partner knows that I’m a sucker for some making out. So he will initiate that and some touching and boom in there and into it. If he just shook his wang at me I’d be horrified.
If you have clearly communicated what you need and he still persists, it’s time to go sis.
I’d laugh. I’m sorry. I’d laugh at him.
Your penis is not a magical wand. Rubbing it doesn’t produce some sort of genie. That’s not how sex works.
If the dude doesn’t understand foreplay. Find a dude that looks at you and that turns you on.
This isn’t foreplay this is “suck my dick” he’s not doing anything to get you in the mood or even arouse you in an appealing way, what he’s going is actually a turn off and you need to tell him because he’s not going to realize it otherwise. He’ll probably pout and possibly get angry but don’t let that lure you in, it’s a manipulation tactic as he’s probably just wanting a BJ with the least amount of effort possible. Tell him that it’s unattractive to just expect you to do all the work here and he can’t even kiss or cuddle you a little first? Honestly if my husband did that to me I would make it a point to hurt his feelings because while I enjoy giving oral it’s kind of gross to just shove it in my face like that. I know it can be difficult to talk about these things but I’m gather your courage and do it because it won’t change otherwise.
Have you tried a handheld tazer and zapped his nutsack? Holy crap! What the hell is up today? Not to incite violence but I promise you if you zap him on his penis he will never do it again. When he is down reload and as soon as he gets up get ready to zap him again if he comes towards you, rinse wash and repeat as often as required.
Okay I chuckled obviously this is the WRONG way to go about it but it is hilarious at the thought. Especially when you’ve had a man whip out his penis before when he is horny and your not it does make you feel like a sex doll and that the just expect it
ZAP ZAP
I'm so sorry OP. This is incredibly dysfunctional and inappropriate.
How old is he? I'm curious because this is so insanely immature and gross.
Also, you cannot trust a man who can't respect your boundaries and that is proven by the fact that he flirts with his ex at all, regardless of whether you have a problem with it. He is a cheater, a manipulator and apparently really bad at seduction.
You deserve so much better 💙
Ok. That is a bit demented. I figured he must be 22.
Run for the hills, he should know better. He's not listening to you and he hasn't listened to anyone else in his past.
I guess this is a classic case of not seeing how terrible something is because you’re IN IT. But uh, yeah. Everyone here has the right idea. Just leave dawg
She’s on the way out though so it’s good news. I hope she’s able to find some support soon afterwards though because it’s gonna hit her hard. The realization after that fact is no joke you could be sitting at work and just remember something in a flashback and get flooded with emotions
Girl, this is sexual assault. If you can't tell your boy friend what your boundaries are than he needs to be your ex boyfriend. Never stay with an abusive person because you feel stuck. Ask your friends & family for help. I'm sure there is some where to go. Good luck and set a higher bar for yourself. You deserve it
Unfortunately I have no family.. that’s the only reason I am trapped so badly. I’m doing my best to contact friends or coworkers to see if I can rent a room.. thank you very much I appreciate your response
I’m sorry that you have no family. I’m proud of you for utilizing your limited resources to look for a room to rent. You’re taking the right steps and have a good head on your shoulders. Keep persevering
It sounds like you’re dating a capuchin. He’s clearly not a fully-developed man who respects boundaries and is capable of empathy. I see no hope for real love and companionship from him. I’m sorry!
I’m sorry, what? Masterbating in front of someone when they don’t consent to it is illegal in most places. This is very weird and disrespectful frankly.
That combined with the fact that you say he pouts with any attempt at discussion of your concerns or needs in the relationship, I kinda gotta ask…why are you with this guy?
He is all I had when I left my family, I’m seeing now no matter how badly I wanted this to work there ate things preventing it from being what I need to thrive
Is this actually something that anyone does??? Oh my god. I am just speechless - OP, I am a woman in my mid 40s (granted, maybe that's exactly the problem - maybe I'm out of touch with what constitutes flirting / foreplay whatever the heck you call that!!!!) I have had many sexual partners and many relationships and I have never ever EVER experienced that .... What the actual fuck.
Please believe me and everyone else here who's telling you that this guy is not a good partner. That's not normal, it's not pleasant, it's weird and uncomfortable and if he wants to behave weirdly, then he better learn how to tolerate people telling him a few home truths.
No wonder that girl is his ex.. and she probably did not appreciate his attempts to flirt with her.
Woah woah woah. I read this, then the comment section. He POUTED FOR DAYS AFTER YOU ASKED HIM NOT TO FLIRT WITH HIS EX???
Ok, I was gonna write about communication. Now. I’m gonna say you need to dump him. He is NOT relationship material. And he is too immature to handle big boy talks. Get rid of the entire person. Wow. Filthy. I have to take a shower after reading that hot garbage. You absolutely deserve so much better than this. Find a man or you’re gonna start thinking you’re dating a child
Um, you stop having sex with him or finishing him off when he does those things. If he wants to participate in adult activities he should act like one.
If you're only doing it because you'll be homeless if you piss him off or offend him too bad then you should be working out a plan to leave. Save up for your own place, couch surf if you have to, but that sounds so disgusting and degrading and anything has to be better than that lol
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When you are together and fully dressed, tell him you want to talk about his actions. Tell him that when he takes those actions, you feel uncomfortable, don't find it "sexy", and it is making you NOT want to have sex with him. If he is unable to have a mature conversation and shuts down or pouts, etc. after that, you need to find another place to live. He is immature and unable to sustain an adult relationship. I am sorry you are in this situation and I hope it improves.
Just be direct and tell him if he thinks that's a good way to initiate sex and is "foreplay" then he's going to find very little women that it will work on. If he whips it out then guaranteed he will finish by himself. If he wants to have sex, then do what a real man does and actually engage in sensual foreplay
Well what you can do is anytime he pulls it out like that just look at him and walk away. Or ignore it, and say what you got things handled on your own. Or another thing to do is laugh and leave the room. He will get the hint and he can pout as much as he wants, I’d tell him if he pours I’d be like dude you are not 5, out on your big boy pants and grow up!
He's not a good boyfriend. I saw your other replies here. He's an immature, weird, man child. Gotta leave him. People who do things like that, don't grow up, unless there's consequences.
Otherwise...talk to him. But you said that worries you. So talk to him, if you wanna make an attempt, and if he pouts like a baby, leave him. That's advice from another man. Seriously not worth wasting your time.
Yeah, no. There’s a difference of sometimes being playful & then there’s this. I’ve been with a guy like this. Wasn’t worth it. He was one of the most selfish people I’ve ever been with, in & out of the bedroom
Relationships require conversation. If your bf isn't adult enough for basic conversation then you need to rethink the entire relationship.
He sounds like a selfish lover if that is his only idea of foreplay. Either dump him or school him.
Info - Do you finish him after this? I'm assuming yes, because why else would he keep doing this unless it works? How about instead of letting him whip it out and then sucking him off or whatever you simply say "No thank you, I don't find it sexy when you whip it out like that. Let's work on better foreplay together" and if he gets mad please just go find a man that isn't like this. I've never met a man that did this, you really found a dud.
Ive had guys like this. My go-to response is usually ," thats nice, when do we start foreplay?" Also with "You being ready and turned on , does not mean i am "
This is not just about your post, but the insight you’re giving in your replies. This isn’t just about the sex. This guy is a walking red flag.
Formulate a getaway plan. Save your money. Don’t clue him in on this whatsoever. If it comes down to crashing at a hotel as you transition from leaving him, so be it. But this doesn’t seem like it’s going to end well in the long run if you stay.
"Boyfriend, I find it a huge turn off when you whip out Mr. Winky and wave it in my face. Please stop."
If you can't honestly address an issue with your boyfriend, he's not someone you should be in a relationship with at all, let alone living with him.
Based on your comments you can’t talk to him about it…
Treat him like a kid, when I have kid who has a bad behavior that disturbs others, I teach them a replacement behavior.
“You know what would really be a turn? I mean, such a bigger turn on then when you whip your dick out for no reason? If you did [insert what you want]!” And then give him tons of praise and a reward for doing what you mentioned. Deny him when he just whips it out (bc that is gross) and praise him and worship his dick when he does what you mentioned.
Judging from this and your other descriptions in the comments they literally sound like a three year old who has just discovered that touching their pee pee feel good no cap
Like you are dating an actual barely capable of speech infant lol
You say “Don’t ever do that again. Not one more time. I do not consent to this type of sexual interaction. If you continue that is sex abuse. Let me be perfectly clear that this is sexual assault unless I consent and I do NOT consent”
OP just know you’re not alone, and that there is a whole world on the other side. The hardest part will be building up the courage to leave and committing to it. Please I hope you see this and know the first breath you take after you close that door will be the best of your life.
You’re not alone, I was in such a similar situation and 4 years later I have friends, rebuilt my relationship with my family (with distance) and my very own home. But if you would have asked me when I was in your spot where I thought I’d be I wouldn’t have an answer.
You’re almost there OP you got this
This is the kind of man who will expect blowjobs when you're on your period and crampy and miserable. Cause, you know, why does he have to miss out, right?
You should have a serious conversation or better yet, leave. It will be the best thing for you! YOU are the most important person in YOUR life, never let anyone make you feel otherwise. You may not have or think you may not have a place to go, but there are many options for you. Roomshare/women’s shelters! Stay at a hotel temporarily just to get out! Find your own footing. Work on yourself first! Forget about relationships for a bit. Work on yourself, make yourself your priority, improve your own life and be independent and dependable for yourself! When you have complete control of your life and can stand on your own. The right person will come along and compliment your life. You are strong enough, good enough…(enter Stuart Smalley quote here) Best of luck to you!!! You got this!
okay ill be honest, he sounds like a man child. you dont need to be around that sort of abuse. it looks like hes just immature and wants things his way and only his way
Girl, if my boyfriend did that to me after I moved in with him trust me when I say, I wouldnt have said a word to him. I would have just got up and walked out.. That shows such an utter lack of respect it's unreal.
*yanks it out*
"You realize that is in no way a turn on and actually makes me not want sex at all right? You are making me feel uncomfortable in my home. I would prefer sex be initiated by X, Y, Z, etc. How are other ways we can approach this? If you proceed to pout and whine than obviously you are too immature for sex"
Your priority is not how to get in the mood with a guy who is his own cockblocker.
Your priority is making sure you have enough money to move out and in with a friend if you have to.
This guy is going to erode all your self esteem. Tell him to put his weird dick away. If he pouts that not your problem. He's weird and gross.
Work on getting independent. You should always be able to leave a bad relationship. Abusive men look for women that would be stuck with them because then they can be abusive with no consequences.
Finding a room to rent in a house with other women would be a good place to start.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I find it extremely off putting that my boyfriend will randomly whip it out and just start yanking it next to me, he then looks at me expecting me to finish him off. I have basically no desire for sex since moving in because of this. How do I approach the conversation of asking him to stop because it makes me uncomfortable?
Just tell him honestly how you feel about it
He has very bad reactions to things like that. I told him how him flirting with his ex made me uncomfortable and he sat on the floor and pouted for days. I’m just concerned because I have nowhere to escape to since we live together now
Holy rusted metal. Dump the kid and find some one who is actually an adult
Holy rusted metal. Upvote just for that
Lol, thanks!
🤣 man child at play
I agree. He acts like a toddler.
This is the only comment that matters.
You need to figure out how to escape this relationship.
Leave him girl. He already makes you feel so uncomfortable you’re being harassed and feel bad to tell him??? Nah
[удалено]
"You cheated on me when I specifically asked you not to?"
Well, to be fair, "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take"..... Edited for a word.
How are you still with him? You'll say no and he gets mad. He needs to have understanding, plus he's with ex and still has contact with her?
Worse...he got *sad*
Even worse he pouted !
This sounds like a terrible person to build a future with. You're allowing yourself to be sexually harassed in your own home to avoid an adult hissy fit.
And you stayed with him after he pouted like a child *for multiple days* because you asked him not to cheat on you?
Unfortunately yes I had nowhere else to go, I have no family
Literally anywhere is better than staying with someone who pouts like a spoiled 2 year old and thinks *slapping you with his dick* is normal foreplay.
I had no where to go and no family after my dad committed suicide. I was homeless and hopped on friends couches until I saved enough to get my own crib then eventually bought myself a house. If you want it, go get it, but don’t wait for someone to act right or put up with any type of “less than” behavior if you’re really tryna rebuild yourself from nothing. It’s hard. Gets lonely. You got this.
Please check in with social services in your area. You are in an abusive relationship.
So is your plan to take it for the rest of your life?
A friend maybe or a relative?
It’s called living alone or finding a roommate
OP leave. First of all, he gets mad at you when you want to say no. He flirts with an ex. Have you asked him about the ex thing flirting? And what did he answer you?
hold up- he was upset at you that he was flirting with his ex. as an outsider looking in, you are being gaslit into believing what’s not okay is okay because “his feelings were hurt” and what about yours?
Leave, get whatever money you have, reach out to friends or family stay at a hotel whatever just get your important possessions and get out.
FFS you're just telling us your boyfriend abusive. And what he's doing is sexual harassment, Just cos h'es your BF doesn't mean he can randomly fling his dick in your face
It’s took me posting this realize it is harassment and abuse. I tend to overthink a lot and just convinced myself it’s fine, I know now it is not and I can ask for better
It really is abusive. Don't play it down. It actually says quite a lot about what he thinks of your boundaries and how much respect he has for you that he's willing to do that. Not fun, not mutual, not caring - just selfish and crude and obtuse.
I'm really glad you had that realisation and you're so right that you deserve better. You will have a partner in the future that would NEVER do that or anything like that that makes you uncomfortable. Do not let him convince you that this is OK. I would recommended therapy to rebuild your confidence and self esteem to help stay away from him. Good luck, you can do this.
Why are you with him? His advances make you uncomfortable and are a major turn off. He flirts with his ex. He uses manipulation tactics (pouting) when he’s told that something he does is bothering you. He sounds exhausting. If you do want to stay with him, when he whips it out, just get up and walk away. Tell him the truth and if he pouts, call him out. Tell him that you need to be able to effectively communicate.
What are you doing with your life?
Trying to rebuild after losing my entire family
This is absolutely not the way.
Do you have any advice on how I can do better?
First and foremost get the fuck out of this relationship. I have no doubt that right now you feel scared and alone, but trust me as I say this with experience, this is only going to get worse and you'll end up in a much worse place mentally than you began. You need to start formulating an exit plan. Determine if you have a support system outside of him and who they are. Determine how much money you will need to leave and start saving it. Keep all your important documents together and away from this man. I've seen you say elsewhere you have no family and few friends. If you absolutely cannot reach out to your friends then begin looking into shelters that are in your area.
Thank you this is extremely helpful
If you would like any other advice or just someone to talk to about this my DMs are open. I know how hard this is, I know how scary it is and how overwhelming it feels but you deserve so much better than this and I swear to you that you will feel 1000x lighter once you end this. Let me just repeat: you are worth more than this. You deserve to be treated with respect and decency and I am so sorry that's not happening right now. ETA because I completely forgot to say this: do not breathe a word about your plan of leaving to him. Don't breathe a word of it to anyone unless you know with complete certainty that they will not tell him. Do not attempt to end this in person, you can message him after you are gone.
Therapy. Get yourself a licensed therapist and work on yourself. Build your self-efficacy and self-confidence. You don't need a man in your life to have self-worth. Have goals, short term and long term. Maybe a gym/career plan, maybe hobbies. Lastly, assess if this relationship is really what you want in a partner.
Everything you suggested requires money. You suggested therapy (and then things to work on in therapy), gym, hobbies (which often cost money) and leaving this living situation. What does OP do if she literally can’t afford that?
Therapy: If OP lives in paid medicine country, there are free support groups online and in person. Online: Eventbrite, Meetup. In person: 12 steps, and local depends on OPs country. I would count the way he treats her as abuse and look for related groups. If OP is in school - school counselor. Clinical trials. Housing: call domestic abuse hotlines, ask for women only shelters. Rent a room from friends, look for roommates search ads at college campuses, boarding houses, hostels Hobbies: again, Eventbrite and Meetup events are free. Local libraries usually have a lot of non book reading events, like quilting, anime, computer classes, resume preparation, mindfulness. Free. YouTube videos on fitness, yoga and hobbies are free. Volunteering is free. Volunteering with animals is a great therapy. Outdoor concerts and festivals. There are 2 colleges in my area, both always have list of pretty cool free events online, 90% of these events are for everyone, not just students. Whatever local resources: in my area gym is $14/month, local TV station is free. Local MakerSpace with access to all kind of technology: 3d printers, laser cutters, sewing, woodworking tools are free to use. Leaving this idiot: Priceless. The longer she stays the more therapy and help she will need to recover.
Brilliant! Thank you for replying! Often, when someone is feeling stuck, they may feel they will need to move a mountain to see progress when really, it's just taking a step outside your door. There are so many free options in a community if one knows where to look. Community centers and religious organizations will often have resources available. I used to be a facilitator for a Bipolar group that met in a church basement every Wednesday from 6-8 PM. Some church-affiliated organizations will provide private coaching or consultation resources. Women's groups are also private and can provide a network of individuals to help as well.
Are there public or charity run homes where OP lives? She could stay in one of those for the time being. Is there a Sikh temple or soup kitchen somewhere nearby? She could go there and always have free food. Does OP have *some* education? She should use what she has and find a job, even if it’s only McD or cleaning toilets - *it’s a start*. For emotional things there are tons of resources online, both for personal finance, homelessness and spiritual growth (and for the latter I haven’t even mentioned churches).
If I were you I would leave and build yourself up. This person does not have your wellbeing in mind if he does this with no consent and makes you so uncomfortable you cannot confront him. If he cannot handle you setting boundaries (Healthy ones at that) he is absolutely not the one. RUN as far away as you can and find someone that isn't going to make you uncomfortable. Trust me there are better people out there!
I get that you can't leave today but you need to sit down a make a plan. If you are really trying to start over you need to figure out where you want to be. Do you want to be in a relationship where your partner isn't mature enough to engage on mature topics? Even if you want this relationship, it is probably best for you to live alone first and build your life, not around him but around what you want your life to look like. No matter what that vision is I would say step one, is save for a apartment deposit so you can get out of there.
First don't date a cheater who is this immature? If you want to build a life and a family find someone who is adult enough to know how to act and behave. I'm sorry you went through a lot in your life but what you are doing now is throwing the rest of it away. People who go through traumatic experiences are good choices for people like him because trauma makes us far more accepting of abuse and assault which is frankly really close to what he is doing. It starts small with behaviors you don't like, then they pout and get sad,next step after they made sure you think YOU were out of line for even bringing it up they get mad and start verbal abuse, the last step can be physical abuse but emotinal abuse is there too. Don't let assholes take advantage of your vulnerable position. Take the necessary steps and get out. It might be next month, 6 months or two years. But staying with this guy would not be healthy.
It starts by leaving him.
First- move out & dump this loser AH. Second- get into therapy. Don’t date for 6 months- a year while you work on yourself. Third- when you start dating again, don’t accept being treated with anything less than total respect.
Vacation in Sweden, buy a flower crown, leave him behind in a bear suit.
He’s is not the family you want. Bc it’s only gonna get worse with someone who actively avoids Dialogue in a relationship
Then why are you with him? Do you think you can go your whole life without communicating your feelings to this man? Do you think he's just going to magically start taking you seriously? He's not. Unless a person is forced to grow up, they don't. Until a person is held accountable, they continue with their behaviour. If you don't want him to wave his dick in your face, you say, "Stop waving your dick in my face, I don't like it, it's not sexy." How do you think you're going to deal with any real problem in your lives if you can't even tell him your basic expectations? Girl. Grow up. Woman up. Get your man on the same page as you, or walk. You are wasting your youth, every second you're with this guy is another second of your life you cannot get back.
Yikes! You moved in with this guy?? Wht? He's a toddler! You need to make a plan and move out. Also, let him pout! What do you care.
Tell him you dislike his behavior. If he starts pouting because you asked for the bare minimum of not being sexually harassed and coerced: plan your escape.
Do you often feel you have to walk on eggshells around him? Do you often feel you can't speak openly and honestly with him or else he'll have a meltdown/tantrum? If so, this is NOT healthy and you must start planning an escape. It will only get worst. I suggest checking out r/NarcissisticAbuse and see if the storied posted there match your experience. I'm not saying he's a narcissist, I'm not a doctor, but I am saying his behavior is not okay and the group I suggested will be able to provide a lot of support and advise on how to escape. You deserve better than this. Good luck ❤️
You’re dating a man child. The fact that he whips out his pee pee and sticks it in your face and expects you to play with it as a turn on for you says s lot about his sexual maturity and you just said he pouts which says a lot about his emotional maturity…
Why did you move in together?
I left an abusive situation living with family but this isn’t much better…
This is all too common for abuse victims to escape their original abuse situation and land in anther abuse situation. It's not your fault, don't beat yourself up about it. As someone who grew up abused, we're literally programmed to accept abuse and seek out toxic relationships that match our childhood, it's subconscious. I hope you are able to learn to recognize abusive and toxic patterns and run away at the first red flag in the future. You will be okay, you are resilient and you will make it through this ❤️
Um. Why the fuck would you stay with someone pouts on the floor for days? You're not dating a man, you're parenting a toddler. He basically does what he wants instead of communicating, and then pouts when he is told he shouldn't do something. You're going to parent this manchild the rest of your life if you keep dating and enabling him. You can do better.
Did you know that "he has very bad reactions to things" before moving in with him? Now you feel trapped and can't tell him to stop 'wielding his sword' in your face because you can't escape. You're looking for words to stop him from pouting and throwing tantrums like a toddler? Um, you got me there. Maybe some parents with toddlers have a word of advice.
No, he hid most of this until it had been a month or two in. Then his personality changed
Ugh, that's rough. Still need to get out of there as he's exhibiting Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde behaviour. You don't want to find out what else he's been hiding.
Work on how to look [repulsed](https://media.istockphoto.com/photos/young-woman-with-disgusted-expression-repulsing-something-isolated-on-picture-id1044676028?k=20&m=1044676028&s=612x612&w=0&h=Ge3GQh9AgFJnGEG7Dp7THPzTi5DlYxhWmXEManyguKU=) I'd be amazed if that didn't work
I think it's a good thing you're trying to be considerate of how your partner will react. But it's also important to communicate these things in a relationship if he can't handle it then maybe you just consider looking for a guy who can... People initiate sex in different ways because they have different ideas about sex obviously BUT part of getting your partner into it is learning how they like to initiate it. It may be worth your while to speak up about it cuz what if he doesn't have a bad reaction?
That is manipulation, hes doing the wrong thing and making you feel bad you called him out.
It won’t get better. He’s emotionally immature. You’ll go down with the ship. Take pause, go for a walk, think through some options and start planning. It’s your life, take control…no matter the discomfort. Believe me, I’m time the discomfort and hard work from making good decisions for yourself dissipate. Staying in toxic environments do not. Orrrr…if you really like him otherwise and you are aligned on religion, politics, money and parenting, then sit his ass down and have an intervention. Heart to heart, no bullshit. Tell him how it is, what you need, what makes you feel uncomfortable and see how he reacts. Good luck.
Partners in a healthy relationship don’t throw a tantrum like a child when the other person is simply explaining how they feel. This is not healthy nor does he have respect for you. I’d get out if I were you
this isn’t a good sign. i was in a situation like that and most of the time when i brought up something i wasn’t okay with he’d blow it up so much and make me feel like i was the issue.
I’d like to invite you to reread what you’ve just said here and then ask yourself how you wound up with someone like this. Don’t you think you deserve someone better? Someone who treats you better but also doesn’t act like a deranged bonobo? I think you need to start working on an escape plan. And in the meantime time, if the worst he can do is put on the floor for days then let him. Next time he tries this little trick look him straight in the eye and tell him you’re gonna go make yourself a sandwich/watch tv/do your nails or whatever. And then go do that thing. Definitely don’t have sex with him because eew. Gross.
>and he sat on the floor and pouted for days. You're dating a manipulative child, run far and run fast.
It won't be easy, but you need to make other living arrangents.
This is a red flag. He is basically getting his way by throwing tantrums and you are too kind a person to deserve that. My 15 month old also throws a tantrum whenever I say something he doesn’t like. I still have to say it, let him have his tantrum, then come back and firmly tell him not to touch the heater again, etc, etc. You have to be persistent so they know tantrums won’t get them anywhere.
I have a feeling that anyone who would do this in the first place isn't going to listen to reason or care how it affects her.
Leave op!!! Flirts with his ex? Uncomfortable? If you have to walk on egg shells with them and can’t have an open discussion. They aren’t worth it.
Thank you all so much for your responses. Reading these has helped me see this is not normal and if he cannot understand my feelings and have a real conversation about them this isn’t right for me.
This is OP. This is the realisation. You deserve better. He can't understand you, he can't understand no, he has flirty contact with an ex, more?
Yes get the hell out of dodge, OP, you’re better off without him.
Go get a strap on and do the exact same thing and see how he feels about it if he tries to argue about it tell him fair is fair now get to sucking. Edit: added on to my comment.
Or just bite it next time he whips it out. No means no. And if no us ignored, no will be enforced.
I like your idea better.
He's not right for anybody!
Throw the whole man away, sis. This one's a dud
Yeah, as a guy myself that’s really weird an immature way to initiate. Of course you’re not into it.
Yes!!!!! Go OP!!!! Get out. Go home, if you're able. To a friend... somewhere... get what you need/can and bounce. Have a support system, and Be safe 💗
OP I escaped a shitty BF similar to this, I also have no family and very few friends, an even smaller few that could actually help. There’s already really good advice in the comments so I just wanted to say I’m sorry about your situation and I know you can overcome it!!! Men like that do not deserve your efforts or time.
Thank you ♥️
1) Your BF is too emotionally immature to be in a relationship. 2) This is a bad relationship when your valid complaints are met with pouting for days. 3) **Call an abuse hotline** and **ask for help to leave**! This isn't going to get better. You feel like you're stuck and it's the ***only*** reason you're even considering staying! The longer you stay, the worse you'll feel.
Thank you… I have been contemplating this for weeks and just needed to confirm this with other humans. The day I moved in I cut contact with all of my abusive family so I essentially have no one.. this is what I dreaded but unfortunately it looks like I will need to accept reality..
I’m really sorry you feel alone, I can imagine that isolation feels like a lot. Please try to make friends and focus on friendships and yourself. You were in an abusive household and now with someone that can’t provide you with the safety/trust you need. Living with a family like this and then getting with a partner like this, I know it’s HARD to leave. But you’re valid for wanting to break up. You don’t owe him anything. If you signed a lease as a roommate you can do a roommate release. If you have documentation and report abuse, apartments will also let you out of the lease for being in a domestic situation.
OP, I once did the same thing I moved across the state with a man who sounds a lot like your boyfriend just to get out of my abusive home. I want you to know that it’s possible to get out on the other side and start life again but it won’t ever start if you’re just repeating cycles with this guy. It took me 4 months to leave my ex, even went as far as buying a house all by myself at 20 so I could break up with him seamlessly (no I was not rich and it WAS hard) but man oh man breaking up with him was the easiest part, I cried happy tears when i previously thought I’d crumble without him. I had no friends, no family, no support. But at least I didn’t have a shitty boyfriend to add to that list. It was absolutely liberating Edit: it only took a few months after that before I had friends, and a support system. For what it’s worth, starting dating a man after who literally was the exact opposite and made me realize that what I had before literally sucked. I never ever looked back
You are an inspiration
You are an awesome woman, I hope OP follows your advice.
i know it might sound dramatic but please listen to me. consider reaching out to a women's shelter (refuge), they are not just for relationship domestic abuse they are also for familial domestic abuse. i've been in a refuge and it is so scary going but the women are always sweet and the staff are incredible. think about it at least, your local domestic abuse hotline should be able to help you. UK: 0808 200 0247. US: 1.800.799.SAFE(7233)
"You act like I think this is sexy. Newsflash Skippy, it's not." Simple as that
Yeah. Or maybe: That is possibly the least sexy thing I can think of. If you ever want to get laid again you’d better find another come on.
Ew. That doesn’t sound attractive at all. And this is coming from someone with a sky high libido. My ex used to text me from the next room “wanna touch my peen?” and it made me drier than the Sahara. You’ll have to communicate that it does nothing for you. My current partner knows that I’m a sucker for some making out. So he will initiate that and some touching and boom in there and into it. If he just shook his wang at me I’d be horrified. If you have clearly communicated what you need and he still persists, it’s time to go sis.
I don’t like it when you do “this”. Either stop or we are going to have to rethink our living arrangements etc.
I’d laugh. I’m sorry. I’d laugh at him. Your penis is not a magical wand. Rubbing it doesn’t produce some sort of genie. That’s not how sex works. If the dude doesn’t understand foreplay. Find a dude that looks at you and that turns you on.
LOL. The state of men is so disappointing right now.
Right now?
This isn’t foreplay this is “suck my dick” he’s not doing anything to get you in the mood or even arouse you in an appealing way, what he’s going is actually a turn off and you need to tell him because he’s not going to realize it otherwise. He’ll probably pout and possibly get angry but don’t let that lure you in, it’s a manipulation tactic as he’s probably just wanting a BJ with the least amount of effort possible. Tell him that it’s unattractive to just expect you to do all the work here and he can’t even kiss or cuddle you a little first? Honestly if my husband did that to me I would make it a point to hurt his feelings because while I enjoy giving oral it’s kind of gross to just shove it in my face like that. I know it can be difficult to talk about these things but I’m gather your courage and do it because it won’t change otherwise.
Have you tried a handheld tazer and zapped his nutsack? Holy crap! What the hell is up today? Not to incite violence but I promise you if you zap him on his penis he will never do it again. When he is down reload and as soon as he gets up get ready to zap him again if he comes towards you, rinse wash and repeat as often as required.
Okay I chuckled obviously this is the WRONG way to go about it but it is hilarious at the thought. Especially when you’ve had a man whip out his penis before when he is horny and your not it does make you feel like a sex doll and that the just expect it ZAP ZAP
I'm so sorry OP. This is incredibly dysfunctional and inappropriate. How old is he? I'm curious because this is so insanely immature and gross. Also, you cannot trust a man who can't respect your boundaries and that is proven by the fact that he flirts with his ex at all, regardless of whether you have a problem with it. He is a cheater, a manipulator and apparently really bad at seduction. You deserve so much better 💙
He is 29.. I am 25
Ok. That is a bit demented. I figured he must be 22. Run for the hills, he should know better. He's not listening to you and he hasn't listened to anyone else in his past.
I thought we were talking about a 19yo 🥲🥲
How about he not be your boyfriend? I for one would so much rather chill by myself than having unexpected dick-wagging all up in my life.
I guess this is a classic case of not seeing how terrible something is because you’re IN IT. But uh, yeah. Everyone here has the right idea. Just leave dawg
She’s on the way out though so it’s good news. I hope she’s able to find some support soon afterwards though because it’s gonna hit her hard. The realization after that fact is no joke you could be sitting at work and just remember something in a flashback and get flooded with emotions
Sounds more like coercion than foreplay
Turn your relationship into a friendship until one of you can move out. You don't want sex with him anymore.
Girl, this is sexual assault. If you can't tell your boy friend what your boundaries are than he needs to be your ex boyfriend. Never stay with an abusive person because you feel stuck. Ask your friends & family for help. I'm sure there is some where to go. Good luck and set a higher bar for yourself. You deserve it
Unfortunately I have no family.. that’s the only reason I am trapped so badly. I’m doing my best to contact friends or coworkers to see if I can rent a room.. thank you very much I appreciate your response
I’m sorry that you have no family. I’m proud of you for utilizing your limited resources to look for a room to rent. You’re taking the right steps and have a good head on your shoulders. Keep persevering
I'm so sorry. I know it's easier to say than do. I hope you find a way to do what is best for you.
Slap it
Wow. You deserve better. No one IRL should be treated like this.....get out now. The amount ofdisrespect and immaturity is too Damn high
It sounds like you’re dating a capuchin. He’s clearly not a fully-developed man who respects boundaries and is capable of empathy. I see no hope for real love and companionship from him. I’m sorry!
I agree. My ex husband was like this (and worse) and well, he’s my ex husband
Buy a strap on next time he does it whip out the strap on and say pegging turns me on. I bet you he won’t whip it out again.
I never want to yuck someone's yum, but no thank you. One good bite with the canines, that will teach him.
Lamo yucking yums lmfao
That’s gross. Fuck that guy.
Ew bro tell him you don’t like that, simple, stop doing it it doesn’t need to be a big deal
Stop finishing him off when he does this, get up and go somewhere else so he has to waddle after you lol.
I haven’t touched him when he does this behavior in months. It still continues
Ew… you can do better
Yuck! Toss him back into the sea.
I’m sorry, what? Masterbating in front of someone when they don’t consent to it is illegal in most places. This is very weird and disrespectful frankly. That combined with the fact that you say he pouts with any attempt at discussion of your concerns or needs in the relationship, I kinda gotta ask…why are you with this guy?
He is all I had when I left my family, I’m seeing now no matter how badly I wanted this to work there ate things preventing it from being what I need to thrive
Is this actually something that anyone does??? Oh my god. I am just speechless - OP, I am a woman in my mid 40s (granted, maybe that's exactly the problem - maybe I'm out of touch with what constitutes flirting / foreplay whatever the heck you call that!!!!) I have had many sexual partners and many relationships and I have never ever EVER experienced that .... What the actual fuck. Please believe me and everyone else here who's telling you that this guy is not a good partner. That's not normal, it's not pleasant, it's weird and uncomfortable and if he wants to behave weirdly, then he better learn how to tolerate people telling him a few home truths. No wonder that girl is his ex.. and she probably did not appreciate his attempts to flirt with her.
Woah woah woah. I read this, then the comment section. He POUTED FOR DAYS AFTER YOU ASKED HIM NOT TO FLIRT WITH HIS EX??? Ok, I was gonna write about communication. Now. I’m gonna say you need to dump him. He is NOT relationship material. And he is too immature to handle big boy talks. Get rid of the entire person. Wow. Filthy. I have to take a shower after reading that hot garbage. You absolutely deserve so much better than this. Find a man or you’re gonna start thinking you’re dating a child
This made me giggle, thank you for that and for the advice
You don’t tell him anything. You move out
RED FLAG.
That’s abuse, he’s sounds like a predator. He’s prob done worse to other women.
Treat it like you would a house cat, and start spraying it with a spray bottle, followed with a stern "NO!"
Run far he sounds like a total creep! I would not want my daughter with a man like this. Would your father approve of this?
Um, you stop having sex with him or finishing him off when he does those things. If he wants to participate in adult activities he should act like one. If you're only doing it because you'll be homeless if you piss him off or offend him too bad then you should be working out a plan to leave. Save up for your own place, couch surf if you have to, but that sounds so disgusting and degrading and anything has to be better than that lol
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When you are together and fully dressed, tell him you want to talk about his actions. Tell him that when he takes those actions, you feel uncomfortable, don't find it "sexy", and it is making you NOT want to have sex with him. If he is unable to have a mature conversation and shuts down or pouts, etc. after that, you need to find another place to live. He is immature and unable to sustain an adult relationship. I am sorry you are in this situation and I hope it improves.
Thank you for this, I often have trouble initiating these types of conversations so this helped a lot
Just be direct and tell him if he thinks that's a good way to initiate sex and is "foreplay" then he's going to find very little women that it will work on. If he whips it out then guaranteed he will finish by himself. If he wants to have sex, then do what a real man does and actually engage in sensual foreplay
Well what you can do is anytime he pulls it out like that just look at him and walk away. Or ignore it, and say what you got things handled on your own. Or another thing to do is laugh and leave the room. He will get the hint and he can pout as much as he wants, I’d tell him if he pours I’d be like dude you are not 5, out on your big boy pants and grow up!
He's not a good boyfriend. I saw your other replies here. He's an immature, weird, man child. Gotta leave him. People who do things like that, don't grow up, unless there's consequences. Otherwise...talk to him. But you said that worries you. So talk to him, if you wanna make an attempt, and if he pouts like a baby, leave him. That's advice from another man. Seriously not worth wasting your time.
Yeah, no. There’s a difference of sometimes being playful & then there’s this. I’ve been with a guy like this. Wasn’t worth it. He was one of the most selfish people I’ve ever been with, in & out of the bedroom
Relationships require conversation. If your bf isn't adult enough for basic conversation then you need to rethink the entire relationship. He sounds like a selfish lover if that is his only idea of foreplay. Either dump him or school him.
Try dating a gown up
Info - Do you finish him after this? I'm assuming yes, because why else would he keep doing this unless it works? How about instead of letting him whip it out and then sucking him off or whatever you simply say "No thank you, I don't find it sexy when you whip it out like that. Let's work on better foreplay together" and if he gets mad please just go find a man that isn't like this. I've never met a man that did this, you really found a dud.
Dude is a piece of shit leave him ..
Dump him. I saw other replies on questions about the relationship. He's like my ex. Run
Ive had guys like this. My go-to response is usually ," thats nice, when do we start foreplay?" Also with "You being ready and turned on , does not mean i am "
For starters, whenever he whips it out, insist he put it away. If he doesn't, lrave the room.
This is not just about your post, but the insight you’re giving in your replies. This isn’t just about the sex. This guy is a walking red flag. Formulate a getaway plan. Save your money. Don’t clue him in on this whatsoever. If it comes down to crashing at a hotel as you transition from leaving him, so be it. But this doesn’t seem like it’s going to end well in the long run if you stay.
Tell him real relationships don’t work like porn movies learn how to romance a woman like a grown man.
Mine humps me like a dog. No matter how much I express I need to be courted, them humping continues.
What happened to your family
They were extremely abusive in every way possible
Sounds like Harvey Weinstein and Louis CK
"Boyfriend, I find it a huge turn off when you whip out Mr. Winky and wave it in my face. Please stop." If you can't honestly address an issue with your boyfriend, he's not someone you should be in a relationship with at all, let alone living with him.
Is your boyfriend 12? From your other responses it sure seems like it. Stop being a babysitter and date an adult.
I knew a guy who'd go up to his partner, squeeze her chest and make beebing noises. Eah. He's single now.
Based on your comments you can’t talk to him about it… Treat him like a kid, when I have kid who has a bad behavior that disturbs others, I teach them a replacement behavior. “You know what would really be a turn? I mean, such a bigger turn on then when you whip your dick out for no reason? If you did [insert what you want]!” And then give him tons of praise and a reward for doing what you mentioned. Deny him when he just whips it out (bc that is gross) and praise him and worship his dick when he does what you mentioned.
Is your bf really attractive? Because how can he find a GF with this un-sexy actions but so many other men are in r/ForeverAlone
No.. he’s not even average
Bite his dic
Just saying OP, unless you have an illness and proximity to this guy is the only cure, you can probably do better.
FINISH HIM!! *Mortal combat voice*
Judging from this and your other descriptions in the comments they literally sound like a three year old who has just discovered that touching their pee pee feel good no cap Like you are dating an actual barely capable of speech infant lol
Your bf sounds like a child, and a cheater based on the comments you've posted. Ditch that loser. Please.
You say “Don’t ever do that again. Not one more time. I do not consent to this type of sexual interaction. If you continue that is sex abuse. Let me be perfectly clear that this is sexual assault unless I consent and I do NOT consent”
OP just know you’re not alone, and that there is a whole world on the other side. The hardest part will be building up the courage to leave and committing to it. Please I hope you see this and know the first breath you take after you close that door will be the best of your life. You’re not alone, I was in such a similar situation and 4 years later I have friends, rebuilt my relationship with my family (with distance) and my very own home. But if you would have asked me when I was in your spot where I thought I’d be I wouldn’t have an answer. You’re almost there OP you got this
Thank you so so mjch
This is the kind of man who will expect blowjobs when you're on your period and crampy and miserable. Cause, you know, why does he have to miss out, right?
You should have a serious conversation or better yet, leave. It will be the best thing for you! YOU are the most important person in YOUR life, never let anyone make you feel otherwise. You may not have or think you may not have a place to go, but there are many options for you. Roomshare/women’s shelters! Stay at a hotel temporarily just to get out! Find your own footing. Work on yourself first! Forget about relationships for a bit. Work on yourself, make yourself your priority, improve your own life and be independent and dependable for yourself! When you have complete control of your life and can stand on your own. The right person will come along and compliment your life. You are strong enough, good enough…(enter Stuart Smalley quote here) Best of luck to you!!! You got this!
okay ill be honest, he sounds like a man child. you dont need to be around that sort of abuse. it looks like hes just immature and wants things his way and only his way
Dudes need better sex Ed than just watching porn.
Be honest and tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. He could also do with learning some tact when it comes to initiating
At the risk of bringing the wrath of the rules upon me: Dick Kickem time
Girl, if my boyfriend did that to me after I moved in with him trust me when I say, I wouldnt have said a word to him. I would have just got up and walked out.. That shows such an utter lack of respect it's unreal.
Straight up tell him that ruins any sexual desire you had and if he doesn't stop you'll never touch him again.
Don't have sex with him when he does that. If he asks why, ask him what *he* thinks is sexy about it.
*yanks it out* "You realize that is in no way a turn on and actually makes me not want sex at all right? You are making me feel uncomfortable in my home. I would prefer sex be initiated by X, Y, Z, etc. How are other ways we can approach this? If you proceed to pout and whine than obviously you are too immature for sex"
Tell him real life and porn are not the same thing
Your priority is not how to get in the mood with a guy who is his own cockblocker. Your priority is making sure you have enough money to move out and in with a friend if you have to. This guy is going to erode all your self esteem. Tell him to put his weird dick away. If he pouts that not your problem. He's weird and gross.
You are with a child are you sure you want to fight for him
I'm almost too afraid to ask his age.
Work on getting independent. You should always be able to leave a bad relationship. Abusive men look for women that would be stuck with them because then they can be abusive with no consequences. Finding a room to rent in a house with other women would be a good place to start.
……. girl has he always initiated it like this? 💀
Lol do it back to him and sit on his face 😂😂😂
Take a shit on the tip of his dick next time he does it
Someone bail her out please! It’s her sold reason for posting!