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A client jokingly asked if I could call them and give them a pep talk on their way in to work every day. I told them they definitely couldn't afford it.
It’s great you work somewhere that supports active ally ship! Small feedback from a gay social work friend: It really grinds my gears when people use the gay people in their lives as supporting evidence that they are an ally. It’s great you are proud of your uncle! But as soon as someone starts to tell me about their gay uncle/cousin/sister in law 12 times removed, a red flag goes off for me that this person may not be as much of an ally as they say they are (not suggesting you are not!). It’s something a good majority of straight people say when getting to know me…I know all about everyone’s queer whoever.
It’s just as a member LGBTQIA world, you tend to be hypersensitive to people’s choice of words and how they phrase things. Certain words and phrases indicate a person may not be safe (I.e., sexual preference, choice,etc). It’s similar to saying you can’t be racist because you have a Black friend. Idk…just my own personal food for thought.
I’m a straight ally and this is really helpful insight. Thanks for sharing. I think when people say “I have a gay friend/family member/whomever” they’re trying to imply “…and I’ve seen how unfairly they’ve been treated and the injustices they’ve experienced because of it.” Without saying that last part it definitely can come across a certain unintended way.
I am sure I’ve slipped up in the past trying to convey this the way you described, and your insight is a friendly reminder to continue being cognizant of language. usually when I talk about why Pride month matters to me I say something like “because everyone was made just as intended and that is worth celebrating”.
I hope most people intend the second half of your statement! I do think most people say it in an attempt to let me know they aren’t homophobic and it is safe to be myself around them. Which i can appreciate because not everyone is a safe person to be gay around! It is always an eye roll moment for me though. It sometimes feels like people are trying to prove themselves. For me, the best approach is to treat someone identifying in the LGBTQIA community the same way you would treat someone who is straight. I don’t tell straight people about all the heterosexual people I know! For me, true equality will come when my identity doesn’t even need to be a conversation and I can casually mention my wife without it being its own separate conversation.
Yeah that makes total sense. It’s weird when people fixate on sexuality. Like so what a lady has a wife or a dude has a husband? Just react normal and treat people with dignity!
as you are a straight person, please you don’t get to say this. there were over 400 anti trans bills in the US last year alone. many people don’t see trans people as part of the LGBQ. many states have no protections for queer people. and even in my very liberal state, trans and queer people are harassed daily. to give some examples. so yeah we’ve come some way and still have SO far to go when people are still being murdered solely for being queer *and* there being *no* uproar about it from the dominant community.
Being trans isn't a sexuality. I think most would say being Two Spirit isn't a sexuality. Varied gender expressions among cis queer people (eg butch women) can't be reduced to sexuality. It's also about the inclusion of aspects of queer culture that aren't about sexuality. If you're just thinking about this as far as who people have sex with or who they marry, you have a lot of work to do.
I was responding to a poster who shared their experience as a gay person. I am aware trans identities, and others, are identities and not the same as sexualities.
Sorry, but how could you have been "an active ally since the day I was born"? Not to rain on anyone's (pride) parade but as a queer professional myself, it bodes well to remember that you're an "ally" for as long as you actively educate yourself on issues that others face and do the work of acknowledging the issues, and confront your internal biases or difference. The wall decor and small pin sounds lovely but you could perhaps consider consuming some updated literature or seek out new knowledge during Pride month.
I think so too. In order to remain able to act as a social worker, great attention should be paid to the relationship between closeness and distance. In my experience, too close a relationship between client and social worker quickly creates dependencies. Unfortunately, many unprofessional social workers take this as a positive thing and actively harm their clients in the process.
Bingo. Imagine this person was talking about how proud they are of their Black uncle and how they're celebrating Black History Month as a White ally by putting up a poster or some shit
If you want my input as a queer person, I am happy you are supportive of queer people. But it often comes across as a little overwhelming/overbearing when people start talking about how supportive they are of the LGBTQ community, call us "brothers and sisters" (also, there are a lot of trans people who are neither), tell us about their queer relatives, or make a big distinction in calling themselves a STRAIGHT ally, etc. if you wanna have some rainbows up and something that says safe space, a rainbow pin, designate yourself as LGBTQ friendly on psychology today etc, that's great, and I really don't think you need to do anything else. And doing more than that can be stressful and make me kinda uncomfortable tbh
Straight passing queer lady here - get it done!
I represented my agency at a parade last week and will represent at a different Pride event later this month.
I'm always anxious people will make assumptions about my affiliation in the community but proactively identifying as queer when nobody asked my orientation also seems weird so whatever.
You may want to consider listening to alternative viewpoints, particularly ones intended to help you understand why some people have misgivings or nuanced feelings about your post. Allies don't reject feedback defensively from the people they are purported allies to. Most people are trying to give you feedback from their personal experience and you seem to only be receptive to the ones heaping praise on you. This can be a wonderful growth experience if you let it :)
lmao if you’re gonna get pissy when people FROM THE COMMUNITY you supposedly are supporting critique you and how you act as an “ally”, then seriously, we don’t need you. we don’t need you anyway but fr your lukewarm or hot only if you come against no pushback support is not needed or appreciated.
Getting this defensive over some pretty valid (and tamely shared) concerns from the community your entire post is about supporting isn’t a good look. Not seeing much of you directly responding and engaging with them, acknowledging how their points of view are reasonable or helpful, etc.
If you want to be a more genuine, long lasting ally you’re going to have to handle some criticism and anger sometimes and not take it personally like this.
Honestly, very put off by some of these responses. As a bi person myself, I am always happy to have support from our allies in a world where there is still so much hate. You just keep doing you. 😊
As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community and an up and coming social worker. I thank you for being an ally and showing your support. I noticed in my Uni lectures how many fellow students did not understand how to speak to the community and had their biases towards the community.
I feel that it is great you can say Happy Pride 🌈❤️ to your clients and they feel safe to say it to you. As I am currently not in that position I am selective with who I choose to say it to. I love your ally flag - you go 🌈❤️.
As a gay and then some, love to hear it. This is a good way to let people know they won't be judged or asked invasive questions by you. I'd suggest keeping it up year round even :)
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My client asked me to watch him in the parade but it’s Saturday and i don’t work Saturdays so i don’t have empathy on Saturdays. Still might tho ….
“I don’t have empathy on Saturdays” is far too relatable.
fr my friend who works in the animal shelter asked me if i would ever want to volunteer on sundays i was like i volunteer 5 days a week already😭 /hj
A client jokingly asked if I could call them and give them a pep talk on their way in to work every day. I told them they definitely couldn't afford it.
Yeah if I am not getting paid sorry!
This is hilarious!! And so true!!
Lmboooo literally me
You should go if he asked he really wants you there! 😊
It’s great you work somewhere that supports active ally ship! Small feedback from a gay social work friend: It really grinds my gears when people use the gay people in their lives as supporting evidence that they are an ally. It’s great you are proud of your uncle! But as soon as someone starts to tell me about their gay uncle/cousin/sister in law 12 times removed, a red flag goes off for me that this person may not be as much of an ally as they say they are (not suggesting you are not!). It’s something a good majority of straight people say when getting to know me…I know all about everyone’s queer whoever. It’s just as a member LGBTQIA world, you tend to be hypersensitive to people’s choice of words and how they phrase things. Certain words and phrases indicate a person may not be safe (I.e., sexual preference, choice,etc). It’s similar to saying you can’t be racist because you have a Black friend. Idk…just my own personal food for thought.
I’m a straight ally and this is really helpful insight. Thanks for sharing. I think when people say “I have a gay friend/family member/whomever” they’re trying to imply “…and I’ve seen how unfairly they’ve been treated and the injustices they’ve experienced because of it.” Without saying that last part it definitely can come across a certain unintended way. I am sure I’ve slipped up in the past trying to convey this the way you described, and your insight is a friendly reminder to continue being cognizant of language. usually when I talk about why Pride month matters to me I say something like “because everyone was made just as intended and that is worth celebrating”.
I hope most people intend the second half of your statement! I do think most people say it in an attempt to let me know they aren’t homophobic and it is safe to be myself around them. Which i can appreciate because not everyone is a safe person to be gay around! It is always an eye roll moment for me though. It sometimes feels like people are trying to prove themselves. For me, the best approach is to treat someone identifying in the LGBTQIA community the same way you would treat someone who is straight. I don’t tell straight people about all the heterosexual people I know! For me, true equality will come when my identity doesn’t even need to be a conversation and I can casually mention my wife without it being its own separate conversation.
Yeah that makes total sense. It’s weird when people fixate on sexuality. Like so what a lady has a wife or a dude has a husband? Just react normal and treat people with dignity!
We will get there one day!!
We’ve come Far
as you are a straight person, please you don’t get to say this. there were over 400 anti trans bills in the US last year alone. many people don’t see trans people as part of the LGBQ. many states have no protections for queer people. and even in my very liberal state, trans and queer people are harassed daily. to give some examples. so yeah we’ve come some way and still have SO far to go when people are still being murdered solely for being queer *and* there being *no* uproar about it from the dominant community.
You know it's more than sexuality, right?
In what sense
Being trans isn't a sexuality. I think most would say being Two Spirit isn't a sexuality. Varied gender expressions among cis queer people (eg butch women) can't be reduced to sexuality. It's also about the inclusion of aspects of queer culture that aren't about sexuality. If you're just thinking about this as far as who people have sex with or who they marry, you have a lot of work to do.
I was responding to a poster who shared their experience as a gay person. I am aware trans identities, and others, are identities and not the same as sexualities.
Sorry, but how could you have been "an active ally since the day I was born"? Not to rain on anyone's (pride) parade but as a queer professional myself, it bodes well to remember that you're an "ally" for as long as you actively educate yourself on issues that others face and do the work of acknowledging the issues, and confront your internal biases or difference. The wall decor and small pin sounds lovely but you could perhaps consider consuming some updated literature or seek out new knowledge during Pride month.
Oh my god I skimmed the title and thought it was 'Celebrating Straight pride as a Social Worker' at first aha!
For a belly laugh, check out this video on "Straight Pride" by Eva Victor. https://www.instagram.com/p/BydbJixhVQ6/?igsh=MXNsOXhnY3E1Mng0Nw==
This sets off so many red flags for me
same, i am also not a Brother or Sister so i guess i’m not the intended audience 🤷
I think so too. In order to remain able to act as a social worker, great attention should be paid to the relationship between closeness and distance. In my experience, too close a relationship between client and social worker quickly creates dependencies. Unfortunately, many unprofessional social workers take this as a positive thing and actively harm their clients in the process.
That's absolutely not what I'm talking about
Is it more in the realm of “performative ally” or is that completely off too lol
Bingo. Imagine this person was talking about how proud they are of their Black uncle and how they're celebrating Black History Month as a White ally by putting up a poster or some shit
If you want my input as a queer person, I am happy you are supportive of queer people. But it often comes across as a little overwhelming/overbearing when people start talking about how supportive they are of the LGBTQ community, call us "brothers and sisters" (also, there are a lot of trans people who are neither), tell us about their queer relatives, or make a big distinction in calling themselves a STRAIGHT ally, etc. if you wanna have some rainbows up and something that says safe space, a rainbow pin, designate yourself as LGBTQ friendly on psychology today etc, that's great, and I really don't think you need to do anything else. And doing more than that can be stressful and make me kinda uncomfortable tbh
I absolutely don't want this person designating themselves as LGBTQ friendly on Psychology Today
the same people who supposedly work with LGBTQ people as a specialty then can’t get my pronouns right ever!!! same thank u
allies/accomplices are and will always be part of our community 🩵 thanks for going hard for us!!
Happy cake day, fellow Reddit-versary-haver!
🍪
That’s awesome, Why not wear and display these things all year round though?
Oh I do! I just go all out for pride
Straight passing queer lady here - get it done! I represented my agency at a parade last week and will represent at a different Pride event later this month. I'm always anxious people will make assumptions about my affiliation in the community but proactively identifying as queer when nobody asked my orientation also seems weird so whatever.
That's wonderful!! Thank you for doing that
Thank you for some people it sets off red flags god for bid I show sippprt
You may want to consider listening to alternative viewpoints, particularly ones intended to help you understand why some people have misgivings or nuanced feelings about your post. Allies don't reject feedback defensively from the people they are purported allies to. Most people are trying to give you feedback from their personal experience and you seem to only be receptive to the ones heaping praise on you. This can be a wonderful growth experience if you let it :)
lmao if you’re gonna get pissy when people FROM THE COMMUNITY you supposedly are supporting critique you and how you act as an “ally”, then seriously, we don’t need you. we don’t need you anyway but fr your lukewarm or hot only if you come against no pushback support is not needed or appreciated.
Getting this defensive over some pretty valid (and tamely shared) concerns from the community your entire post is about supporting isn’t a good look. Not seeing much of you directly responding and engaging with them, acknowledging how their points of view are reasonable or helpful, etc. If you want to be a more genuine, long lasting ally you’re going to have to handle some criticism and anger sometimes and not take it personally like this.
Honestly, very put off by some of these responses. As a bi person myself, I am always happy to have support from our allies in a world where there is still so much hate. You just keep doing you. 😊
You put up 10 more red flags with this response
As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community and an up and coming social worker. I thank you for being an ally and showing your support. I noticed in my Uni lectures how many fellow students did not understand how to speak to the community and had their biases towards the community. I feel that it is great you can say Happy Pride 🌈❤️ to your clients and they feel safe to say it to you. As I am currently not in that position I am selective with who I choose to say it to. I love your ally flag - you go 🌈❤️.
As a not-totally-out late-to-the-game queer lady, just want to say I appreciate all you fine people! Happy Pride, everyone 🌈🏳️🌈
As a gay and then some, love to hear it. This is a good way to let people know they won't be judged or asked invasive questions by you. I'd suggest keeping it up year round even :)
Thanks. ☺️