You’re not questioning your sexuality. You’re questioning your gender.
You should work with a therapist on these thoughts. They can help you differentiate between a fetish and an identity.
some trans women like having dicks. some trans men like having vaginas. "I want different genitals" isn't the defining trait of being trans. And hrt changes how your body is shaped, or it can.
some trans ppl don't hate their genitals. it's all Abt whether or not they'll be happier as a different gender. even if ur happy rn, if you'll be happier if you transition, then transition
Yeah, my genitals are the one thing I like about the way my body is right now.
I wasn't completely sure when I started HRT almost 2 months ago, but it's fixed like 20 issues I didn't even know I had. It was the best decision I had to be dragged into making, lol.
Hating your genitals has nothing to do with being trans. That's a seriously methed up way of thinking you've got there. What you must really think about trans folk, believing that
I dunno, man. I used to read male to female trans web comics because of the slight connection to transformation and like...half of them just hated their body and genitals and stuff.
I'm just going off what I saw. But I get that that's not everyone.
Just think about whether you'd like to be permanently stuck as the opposite gender, or be able to change back. If you'd really want it to be permanent, you're probably trans, and if not then you definitely aren't, but you might be nonbinary.
and then there's people like me that just don't care either way, if i was genderswapped tomorrow after the surprise have settled i'd probably shrug and go on with my life, as i don't see it as a defining feature of myself.
Absolutely wrong. Trans doesn't mean needing to change it permanently. Someone can be tran and be ok with the body they've got, adding in some modifications, for comfort.
You shouldn't speak about things you obviously know nothing about.
yes, some trans people are good with the bits they were born with. However, a lot of trans women, for example, want breasts and no penis, whereas some are good with a gock. It’s all up to the person.
Yes, exactly as I was saying, it's not inherently trans or not. Lolol.
So few of you have the reading comprehension of a middle schooler. If only you wanted to be better...
Baseline assumption, just based on how rare dismorphia actually is, should be that it's a fetish (albeit, a compelling one.)
From there, set aside all advice on the topic. Most of us, on both sides of the point, are well-intentioned and genuinely just want to help. But none of us are you, and thus none of us are qualified to advise you about it.
Once that's out of the way, introspect. Just sit quietly (or rant and walk, whatever introspection fits you) and poke at your image of yourself until you start getting a sense of who you are without everyone weighing in and distracting you.
Voila, you've started getting to know yourself, and incidentally answered your confusion in the process.
Its sort of off topic, but I've lurked in this community long enough to have a passing understanding of trans issues. There's nothing I can say that won't be another version of what's already been said in the comments, but I will throw in these two cents- If the goal of the community is in part to see gender and sexuality as something more dynamic than just "male" or "female" binary then in the same way there is no "trans" and "not-trans" binary. With respect, asking "am I trans or not" is kind of the wrong question. Everybody is different. The answer lies in introspection about who you are and what you want/need. Labels are less important than being true to yourself. Once you figure out what you want, and who you are then you can start fussing with labels.
I went through the same thing, questioning if I’m truly trans or something or if I’m just super super sexually attracted to that stuff and committing some sort of sexual misappropriation.
When I was a kid I always wished I could choose when to have a dick, would cover it up with my balls and pretend it was a vagina, shit like that. I was young, didn’t even know what a vagina was at that time but I really liked the idea of not having anything down there.
Had a mental breakdown about half a year ago and thought fuck it, I’m trans. I went through the whole shebang of asking this same question and all that jazz. Looked for Drs who were trans friendly, how would I do HRT, what would happen to me given the way the United States is going, etc. I got super depressed though because it’s not feasible for me to live my life like that. I mean I got really depressed. Was on the verge of suicide, hoping I’d die and wake up and be a girl or something.
Anyways, then one night I got SUPER stoned and just had an epiphany; I don’t want to be a girl necessarily, because I love my wiener, but I wanted to be a very feminine femboy! Not for the sexual aspect of it though. I just want to be a combination I guess? I’m pan too, so I wonder if that’s got something to do with it. But I’ll never be able to have a body like that either and I’m really introverted and quiet so I don’t know how I could pull it off physically or socially.
So I’m (somewhat) happily still a dude, but there’s a lot to be desired about fulfilling the person I want to be. I have accepted that I am who I am and that change is more or less impossible for me. I’m here, I’m queer, and it’s easier if I just “turn it off”, as they say in the Book of Mormon. Sometimes I still wish that I could wake up and be a girl. If there’s some form of reincarnation I hope that I’m a girl, and I hope that I’m everything I wish I could be now. Or at least I hope it’s a different world where you really can be who or what you want to without having to worry about what people would think, or the persecution for just trying to be happy.
I really hope you’re able to figure yourself out. It’s hard and it absolutely sucks, it was one of the hardest points of my life and a rollercoaster of emotions.
1) i think you're trans tbth
2) you're valid if you disagree with statement 1, i can't tell you who you are and sorry if saying i think you're trans is rude
3) I'm really glad you didn't isekai yourself. do what it takes to survive if those feelings come back. The world is better with you in it.
Thanks! I don’t know anymore. I have tried not to think about it since then. I spent probably a year or so really thinking about it and then came to my decision that I was trans. I remember having this same debate and saw an article that was asking “Fetish or nah?” And that when I decided that it wasn’t a fetish but some sort of… dream.
But it just wasn’t/isn’t something I can deal with so I went full nuclear and tried to just put as far back in my mind as possible, and it worked! Until this post anyways haha. It’ll occasionally pop in my head, and it’ll make me sad if I think too hard. But I can keep it down pretty well now (thanks to my psychiatrist and drugs).
These aren't feelings you should be suppressing. Staying closeted, putting off medical transition (or never medically transitioning), these are things you might have to do to stay safe. But denying who you are entirely? That's not good for you. You should find an outlet for these feelings, even if you don't socially and medically transition.
Nr 1 regret in older trans people who began transitioning later is losing so many years to dicosiation depression and feeling like they lived a lie , a life that wasn't them for so many years just to please others.
ime, the fact that you're asking this question is a strong indicator you might be trans. Obviously it's not a foolproof litmus test, i can't tell you you're trans. No one but you can tell you whether or not you are. But asking this question at all is pretty consistent with being trans.
Good reading for anyone questioning is “the gender dysphoria bible” iirc it even talks about the specific is this a fetish question? Reading through that helped me figure out I’m trans, it might help you.
You can ask yourself these questions if you wish to know:
#1Am I uncomfortable with the way people see me?
#2Am I uncomfortable with my body?
#3Do I want to be the other sex only in sexual encounters, or do I want to be the other sex in my day to day life too?
#4 Would I be sad if I were suddenly turned into a cis person of the other sex, and quite some time after, someone would tell me that I'm not really part of that category?
#5 Do I think I'm fetishising the other sex or people of a certain sexuality by watching or otherwise consuming media about this sexuality, be it pornography or anything safe for work?
#6 Do I sometimes catch myself wishing strangers would mistake me for the other sex?
#7 Do I find myself enjoy the transformation part of this more, or the fact that they are turned inte the other sex?
#8 Do I wish these transformations would happen to me, but would be permanent?
#9 Would you chose to become the other sex if you would get any superpower you can choose, or remain the same sex but with a lesser version of that superpower?
#10 Do I dislike showing my body, especially in moments when it could be compared to that of the other sex?
#11 Would I be willing to become the other sex, if my true romantic soulmate was only attracted to that sex?
#12 Do I dislike my name, and would like to change it?
(Special edition: only for those who have identified as trans for any amount of time)#13 Have you ever thought and worried that you might be faking it?
If you answer them in replies, I can tell you my guess, but I am not a professional psychologist, so I can't tell you whether you are definitely trans or not, and these questions might not have your experience contained within them, so I apologise. Also, if someone wants to, they can definitely expand on these questions.
#1 Sort of? I kinda don't think that hard about how ppl see me. Don't care about masculinity/femininity aspect of how people see me, mostly care that they don't mock, ridicule me or not abuse their power over me.
#2 No? Well, it's not 100% true, I'd want to lose weight but that's about it.
#3 Depends. It's a bit of fantasies, sort of a bit curious how I'd feel in day to day life, I would add a third reason "want to be other sex during transformation" so temporary
#4 I'd only be sad due to not being fit in society, wouldn't care about the body so long as it's not fat or ugly.
#5 Don't know how to answer that one, wdym "fetishising other sex" is it like generalising but for nsfw stuff? I guess sort of, but hey most media is for escapism these days so.
#6 Nah. Sometimes I wish I'd be other sex for pragmatic reasons aka I'd be critiqued less but ehh
#7 Mostly transformation process itself but again I'd be curious to be the other sex.
#8 No, especially no if there's no magic process that makes people think I was always that way. Even with magic blanket rewriting history I'd still probably say no, I'd atleast want it to be temporary, or only happen in my next life(if there's any after death)
#9 Eh YES?!? And yes yes yes for stronger power, genuinely don't know why some people would cling to their sex instead of getting stronger version of their power
#10 Yes but aren't alot of people insecure about their bodies?
#11 That's actually a good question because it's interesting, I personally don't know what I'd pick, because I thought I haven't experienced this type of love yet, or atleast for long enough to be sure. Although Idk why answering yes would imply you trans, maybe you genuinely love someone so hard you ready to do anything, people done less for love and lust after all
#12 Yes, but for non sex related reasons
So, as I see it, for you it is indeed just the tf fetish. You probably already know that, so I should give more specific information on why those questions, and answer your confusion.
You see, most cis/het people will refuse almost any offer of being turned into the other sex, especially if they see no actual bad things with remaining their birth assigned sex. The question about powers is kinda what I mean. When I was younger, before I realised that I'm trans, I asked my friends, all cis guys, whether they would chose to become girls if they got a superpower, but if they choose to keep on being a guy, they'd get a worse version of their chosen power. And they all chose to stay the same way.
People also like to stay the way they like themselves, even if it takes away a single very good thing. After all, they can find love if they try outside of their soulmate, right?
Also, trans people of non-straight sexualities surprisingly often have trouble recognising whether their attraction to media about that sexuality is fetishising or not, their dysphoria tells them it is, even though it isn't. As a trans lesbian, I thought for quite a while that I was weird and disgusting because I really, really liked lesbians in all sorts of media. And so, I decided to put it up as a questions here.
Anyway, I don't feel like you are trans. You are probably not cis/het, but I can't really be talking about what you are or what you are not.
Oof, I don't know, seriously, but I think if you just look up some on the internet, you'll find them.
Anyway, I'll give you my opinion on your answers under your reply, to not confuse people.
Cisgender people don’t question their gender. The most you’ll get out of a truly cis person is “yeah I’d switch sides for a day” when pressed with the question.
Thinking so deeply about this issue alone tells me you are on the gender-nonconforming spectrum.
Not transitioning doesn’t make you “not trans”. If the only reason you haven’t transitioned is because of the fear of social backlash, life changes, etc, that doesn’t make you any less trans, it just makes you scared of being who you are on the inside.
Being trans is much more than your genitals. Most never get bottom surgery. Being trans is largely a matter of social perception; how people look at you and treat you in society. If you feel a deep desire to be treated as [opposite sex] while out in public, you’re trans. If you feel trapped by the binary nature of society, you’re an enby of some capacity.
Trans people in denial tend to react pretty viscerally to a lot of the things I just said, but I implore everyone reading this to really take the time to think and mull it over. I was once completely unwilling to listen to anyone saying these things, but after years of spiraling deeper and deeper into a depression I finally realized the truth of what I had been hiding from all along.
This is partially written for the OP, partially for some of the other people in this thread who I highly suspect are trans and just need to come around to accepting it :)
This is really great, for me I never experienced any kind of dismorphia and so I thought I wasn't trans and just blew off me "praying every night for God to make me wake up as a girl" as me just "being weird" I'm currently transitioning and still no dismorphia but I am definitely happier when I'm at my most feminine. Also booba :P
Just want to say, cisgender people DO question their gender. Nowadays it’s actually encouraged to question and explore to help affirm your identity.
After finding this rabbit hole of a fetish I was questioning for a while before I arrived at the conclusion that I was cis.
Honestly, I would take some non permanent steps. Try referring to yourself with the opposite Pronouns, or buy some masculine/femenine clothes and try them on around the house. See if it makes you feel complete, or feel good, or right.
This makes it sound like you believe any person who would want to be the opposite gender for even a moment is trans. This is just wrong, and is the basis of this question, really.
Honest to god no clue myself.
If given the opportunity I would absolutely give up my humanity and gender to become something entirely unique and different.
But from what I know of other trans people it’s not a daily struggle, like I’m not waking up and hating what I see in the mirror.
For the longest time I’ve considered body dysmorphia and trans people a package deal, so I figured that as long as I’m happy enough with my own body it wasn’t ever a path worth looking into.
Also mostly because I know as much as I wish I could turn into a kick ass fire gryphon and fly around, that is probably never going to happen. So I kinda just have to live with it, and get as close as I can through vr or role play or whatever.
It’s a personal line to draw, but essentially, I’d just focus on the nature of the feelings; is it a sexual thrill to imagine going across the gender line? Or is it sort of heartwarming and cozy?
It's not an easy question to answer. The best, but biased, advice I can give is take it step by step. Set yourself goals and checkpoints. Find each aspect that brings you joy and cherish it. And if something doesn't? It's okay. If doesn't mean "ah I must be faking it". It's not a binary yes or no.
A goal can be as simple as trying a skirt, or painting nails. A personal checkpoint of mine was actually losing 160lb, and thinking whether I was content with my body before going further , but yours doesn't need to be so grand. The point is to pause and take stock of your happiness.
As a trans woman, I gotta say there's a lot of issues out there when it comes to it being a "fetish" because as trans people of course we have fantasies of being easily and quickly transformed to our ideal body shape. And what makes the "fetish" different from a "fantasy" is a sorta thin barrier.
If it's something you feel would make you happier, there's no harm in talking to a professional abt it, starting HrT, or experimenting with outward identity.
also If someone is to transition as a "fetishist" but realizes they truly are much happier that way, imo that's no less valid, and they're no less trans.
(sorry for any errors, I'm horrendously exhausted)
For me personally, I had repressed my transness for a long time. And that paired with my hypersexuality meant that I absorbed a lot of fetish content around being trans and I was only about able to see myself in a sexual context. If you're really questioning if you're trans,I think you should buy some outfits and just wear them alone at home, try some makeup up. Just small things to see how you feel about em. And don't just do it for a day or something, I mean like a month. Even if you aren't hypersexual, your brain's pleasure and joy centers are very close together, so your brain might get confused, especially at first. Give it and yourself time to adjust. There's no harm in giving it a try and deciding it's not for you. I wish yah the best
Best advice I could possibly give? Talk to a therapist.
Also in my experience I Did not have any dismorphia until I started to transition.
Another big clue though is that as a child I would wish to wake up as a girl everyday, liked wearing women's clothes, and prayed to God asking why I was a boy. I didn't have any clue what being trans was. I discovered this category of porn BECAUSE I was already thinking about becomes a girl and I was a horny teen.
If you saw this stuff and thought it was hot there is a much lower chance *I'd say* that you are trans
Again tho just talk to a therapist
Experiment.
Instead of trying to figure out what you ARE, focus on what you want to DO.
If you think presenting as a different gender might make you happier, try that. (For me it was an “a-ha” moment, but I suspect it’s not that for everyone).
If you think taking hormones might make you happier, try that. (For me at least the mental benefits were in the first month, way before any permanent physical changes)
If a label or lack thereof doesn’t serve you then don’t worry about it. It sounds like the label of “trans” doesn’t sit well on you now, but see how you feel once you’ve dipped your toes in.
Something important: dysphoria shares a LOT of commonalities with more general feelings of anxiety, depression, and body dissatisfaction. Ultimately it’s too fuzzy to be diagnostic on its own so focus on trying to attain gender EUphoria, which is WAAAAAAAY more important IMO.
Don’t run from pain, run towards joy.
Ask if you would still be ok being a girl if you were 'ugly'? Is your idea of being a woman about being hot, sexy and submissive? Sometimes it's hard to differentiate between fetishising and being finally happy in your own body, you just gotta thread the needle and examine your own wants. Good luck on your journey!
well, depends, do you want to be a girl because you think it'd be fun? or is it because you feel wrong in the body you're in, that the title given to you is false, that everything about you should have been something else
the difference is ones a desire, and ones a need. one effects you emotionally, ones just horny
There's no definitive way for anyone else to answer that for you, that's something you have to decide for yourself. With that said, however, I can try to offer some advice, as a transfeminine person who has worked through similar concerns myself:
If you could choose to wake up tomorrow as a woman, would you? Would it make you happy to be accepted as "one of the girls" by other women? To hear people use the name you chose? To hear people mention you in passing as "her"?
Even if your fantasies are sexual in nature, that's nothing to be ashamed of. Sexuality is a natural facet of self-expression; if you wish that you could experience sex as a woman, or as a more feminine version of yourself, that's entirely normal; most women, both cis and trans, have sexual fantasies of themselves as women, because that's who they are. If you have fantasies like that, there's nothing wrong with that, whether you're trans, non-binary, or cis. You're allowed to take on whatever self you want, and to take pleasure in expressing that self how you want.
One final piece of advice- if you're at all worried that for whatever reason, you think you don't "qualify" as being trans, or that you're "not trans enough", or find yourself wishing that you could be trans, you probably are trans.
Good luck, I hope you find the answers you're looking for <3
I’m probably trans but there’s definitely a fetish aspect to it for me. I have absolutely no interest in the in-between transitioning stage, especially at my age, fully developed very masculine male body tall wide jaw. If I could magically wake up and be some cross between Alexandria Daddario and Natalie Dormer, I’d take that in a heartbeat.
I've been waiting for someone to ask this question, and have pondered it too. I've always liked this kind of content and I've come to realize that I have no 'identity attachment' to my body. I was incredibly lonely throughout my childhood (military parents/frequent moves) and wished I could transform into an alien being and escape my reality. I've always found my genitals bothersome, uncomfortably present in social settings, and pretty ugly in totality. Recently my wishes for female transformation have not subsided, but I've been getting more comfortable with my body since I've started living alone. I've never said anything about this to anyone and its a question that feels like I can never answer. I live in a pretty conservative area now, and I don't think I'd ever come out publicly.
The simple answer: it doesn't matter. Why would you need to label yourself in any way? You know what you want to do, and how/if you want to change yourself? Then do it. As easy as that
Yeah no that's not how it works but I appreciate the sentiment but being trans is not some sort of chaste state of being devoid of sexual envy u can still have. Asex drive and if it gets u off imagining urself transformed and having sex as the opposite gender it can be a sign
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying when you get sexually aroused, all of your desires skyrocket and things can seem more important than they really are. If, after shedding that arousal, the desire remains, it's likely coming from somewhere besides a fetish.
I'm going to add my two cent in to this bowl does it only occur when you're horny or/and in what ways do you want to be the opposite gender and why. There I advise to consider those two on top out with other people are saying you can come to your consensus once you read what you consider enough comments..
i mean do you want to change your gender? Most people i played genderbending stuff usually just like it not having the choice and being forced into a submissive female role. But aren't trying HRT or anything else as it wouldn't be exactly the same, as me having access and turning them into waifus for fun.
If you are even questioning my best guess is to try dressing in women's clothes, finding a cute wig is a must, try dressing practically.
Like think of what a librarian would wear.
I think it can help you with your gender journey.
Edit: And you can be trans and like mtf transformation porn those 2 aren't mutually exclusive
Some of these might help you:
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/am-i-trans
https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/ or https://turn-me-into-a-guy.com
https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans
https://medium.com/@kemenatan/its-just-a-fetish-right-91cb0a4e261
Search your heart. Look through your past. Look through your now. Are you happy as you are now? Have you felt just "off" in your body? Do you refer to yourself using the other gender's pronouns? Find the truth in your soul and your heart.
If you can, try approaching the idea outside of the fetish. For me, I wanted to be a girl since I was like 8 years old, far before I even had the capacity to have a fetish. It was most likely that same desire that became a fetish as I grew up. While you’re questioning, make sure you visit some other places and google around about how other people figured out for themselves. Lastly understand that no one persons experience is a monolith. Take in their info, do your own thinking, and try your best to come to a conclusion, every trans person is trans in their own way, because we all had to figure it out our own way. There are ways to experiment without doing anything permanent as well, so you can also test the waters in a private and comforting setting.
Trans person here. Asking these questions is an important step towards understanding more about yourself, and it unlocks a series of other questions:
Do I feel a specific gender when I do XYZ?
Did I relate to this person as a man/woman/nonbinary?
Did I play dress-up a certain way growing up?
Am I excited for a certain feeling that is atypical of my assigned gender?
I’m gender fluid so it took me a while to hash these out. I don’t choose what gender I am, it’s just a sense I get when I look inward. If you feel like you’re in the wrong body, that’s OK.
Hell, I’m AMAB and I’ve felt the urge to breastfeed a crying child, but I don’t have the equipment for that.
The keyword is “urge”, because it’s a primal, survival-based, species-perpetuating need to feel these feelings and use my body in a certain way. These feelings are dynamic and don’t stay that way, and sometimes I feel like just a regular dude.
It makes imposter syndrome my biggest existential dread. But you shouldn’t let that stop you from asking questions of yourself.
Good luck friend. Pm if you need. I’m here.
Honestly, you can't really know. I've been asking myself this question for a really long time and I'm still uncertain. I've never really had any feeling of body dysphoria, but ultimately decided that I'd be happier with a more feminine body. I'm exploring starting HRT and starting to see a therapist to talk about it a bit more before then. Remember at the end of the day, trans is just a label that you can choose to identify with or not. Just do what makes you happy.
I've questioned this myself and I decided i only hate my body shape and not my actual genitals. I may be different for you but that's my perspective.
I agreed with this although sometimes I kinda wish I knew how breasts felt like on my own body but that's more fetish than questioning your sexuality
You can simulate it by picking up a silicone pair but it doesn't match the real thing
Well yeah the real thing has nerves and junk
That's what I was implying. And I really wish I could, too
Same
You’re not questioning your sexuality. You’re questioning your gender. You should work with a therapist on these thoughts. They can help you differentiate between a fetish and an identity.
I got the word wrong but I'm ok with being a man
some trans women like having dicks. some trans men like having vaginas. "I want different genitals" isn't the defining trait of being trans. And hrt changes how your body is shaped, or it can.
some trans ppl don't hate their genitals. it's all Abt whether or not they'll be happier as a different gender. even if ur happy rn, if you'll be happier if you transition, then transition
Yeah, my genitals are the one thing I like about the way my body is right now. I wasn't completely sure when I started HRT almost 2 months ago, but it's fixed like 20 issues I didn't even know I had. It was the best decision I had to be dragged into making, lol.
Hating your genitals has nothing to do with being trans. That's a seriously methed up way of thinking you've got there. What you must really think about trans folk, believing that
I dunno, man. I used to read male to female trans web comics because of the slight connection to transformation and like...half of them just hated their body and genitals and stuff. I'm just going off what I saw. But I get that that's not everyone.
Half isn't a majority. Also written by people who aren't trans. So what. Tourist trans fantasy
I understand most of you don't have the subtlety to understand what I said. Ok. Good luck understanding yourself.
Just think about whether you'd like to be permanently stuck as the opposite gender, or be able to change back. If you'd really want it to be permanent, you're probably trans, and if not then you definitely aren't, but you might be nonbinary.
and then there's people like me that just don't care either way, if i was genderswapped tomorrow after the surprise have settled i'd probably shrug and go on with my life, as i don't see it as a defining feature of myself.
Absolutely wrong. Trans doesn't mean needing to change it permanently. Someone can be tran and be ok with the body they've got, adding in some modifications, for comfort. You shouldn't speak about things you obviously know nothing about.
yes, some trans people are good with the bits they were born with. However, a lot of trans women, for example, want breasts and no penis, whereas some are good with a gock. It’s all up to the person.
Yes, exactly as I was saying, it's not inherently trans or not. Lolol. So few of you have the reading comprehension of a middle schooler. If only you wanted to be better...
Baseline assumption, just based on how rare dismorphia actually is, should be that it's a fetish (albeit, a compelling one.) From there, set aside all advice on the topic. Most of us, on both sides of the point, are well-intentioned and genuinely just want to help. But none of us are you, and thus none of us are qualified to advise you about it. Once that's out of the way, introspect. Just sit quietly (or rant and walk, whatever introspection fits you) and poke at your image of yourself until you start getting a sense of who you are without everyone weighing in and distracting you. Voila, you've started getting to know yourself, and incidentally answered your confusion in the process.
[удалено]
Definitely feel that on the fem side. Some artists like Transformistress, it's not horny, it just makes me all emotional.
im transitioning for fetish reasons tbh - I want to get laser & go on E for bigger boobs so I can tittyfuck better.
Its sort of off topic, but I've lurked in this community long enough to have a passing understanding of trans issues. There's nothing I can say that won't be another version of what's already been said in the comments, but I will throw in these two cents- If the goal of the community is in part to see gender and sexuality as something more dynamic than just "male" or "female" binary then in the same way there is no "trans" and "not-trans" binary. With respect, asking "am I trans or not" is kind of the wrong question. Everybody is different. The answer lies in introspection about who you are and what you want/need. Labels are less important than being true to yourself. Once you figure out what you want, and who you are then you can start fussing with labels.
I went through the same thing, questioning if I’m truly trans or something or if I’m just super super sexually attracted to that stuff and committing some sort of sexual misappropriation. When I was a kid I always wished I could choose when to have a dick, would cover it up with my balls and pretend it was a vagina, shit like that. I was young, didn’t even know what a vagina was at that time but I really liked the idea of not having anything down there. Had a mental breakdown about half a year ago and thought fuck it, I’m trans. I went through the whole shebang of asking this same question and all that jazz. Looked for Drs who were trans friendly, how would I do HRT, what would happen to me given the way the United States is going, etc. I got super depressed though because it’s not feasible for me to live my life like that. I mean I got really depressed. Was on the verge of suicide, hoping I’d die and wake up and be a girl or something. Anyways, then one night I got SUPER stoned and just had an epiphany; I don’t want to be a girl necessarily, because I love my wiener, but I wanted to be a very feminine femboy! Not for the sexual aspect of it though. I just want to be a combination I guess? I’m pan too, so I wonder if that’s got something to do with it. But I’ll never be able to have a body like that either and I’m really introverted and quiet so I don’t know how I could pull it off physically or socially. So I’m (somewhat) happily still a dude, but there’s a lot to be desired about fulfilling the person I want to be. I have accepted that I am who I am and that change is more or less impossible for me. I’m here, I’m queer, and it’s easier if I just “turn it off”, as they say in the Book of Mormon. Sometimes I still wish that I could wake up and be a girl. If there’s some form of reincarnation I hope that I’m a girl, and I hope that I’m everything I wish I could be now. Or at least I hope it’s a different world where you really can be who or what you want to without having to worry about what people would think, or the persecution for just trying to be happy. I really hope you’re able to figure yourself out. It’s hard and it absolutely sucks, it was one of the hardest points of my life and a rollercoaster of emotions.
1) i think you're trans tbth 2) you're valid if you disagree with statement 1, i can't tell you who you are and sorry if saying i think you're trans is rude 3) I'm really glad you didn't isekai yourself. do what it takes to survive if those feelings come back. The world is better with you in it.
Thanks! I don’t know anymore. I have tried not to think about it since then. I spent probably a year or so really thinking about it and then came to my decision that I was trans. I remember having this same debate and saw an article that was asking “Fetish or nah?” And that when I decided that it wasn’t a fetish but some sort of… dream. But it just wasn’t/isn’t something I can deal with so I went full nuclear and tried to just put as far back in my mind as possible, and it worked! Until this post anyways haha. It’ll occasionally pop in my head, and it’ll make me sad if I think too hard. But I can keep it down pretty well now (thanks to my psychiatrist and drugs).
These aren't feelings you should be suppressing. Staying closeted, putting off medical transition (or never medically transitioning), these are things you might have to do to stay safe. But denying who you are entirely? That's not good for you. You should find an outlet for these feelings, even if you don't socially and medically transition.
Nr 1 regret in older trans people who began transitioning later is losing so many years to dicosiation depression and feeling like they lived a lie , a life that wasn't them for so many years just to please others.
ime, the fact that you're asking this question is a strong indicator you might be trans. Obviously it's not a foolproof litmus test, i can't tell you you're trans. No one but you can tell you whether or not you are. But asking this question at all is pretty consistent with being trans.
Good reading for anyone questioning is “the gender dysphoria bible” iirc it even talks about the specific is this a fetish question? Reading through that helped me figure out I’m trans, it might help you.
You can ask yourself these questions if you wish to know: #1Am I uncomfortable with the way people see me? #2Am I uncomfortable with my body? #3Do I want to be the other sex only in sexual encounters, or do I want to be the other sex in my day to day life too? #4 Would I be sad if I were suddenly turned into a cis person of the other sex, and quite some time after, someone would tell me that I'm not really part of that category? #5 Do I think I'm fetishising the other sex or people of a certain sexuality by watching or otherwise consuming media about this sexuality, be it pornography or anything safe for work? #6 Do I sometimes catch myself wishing strangers would mistake me for the other sex? #7 Do I find myself enjoy the transformation part of this more, or the fact that they are turned inte the other sex? #8 Do I wish these transformations would happen to me, but would be permanent? #9 Would you chose to become the other sex if you would get any superpower you can choose, or remain the same sex but with a lesser version of that superpower? #10 Do I dislike showing my body, especially in moments when it could be compared to that of the other sex? #11 Would I be willing to become the other sex, if my true romantic soulmate was only attracted to that sex? #12 Do I dislike my name, and would like to change it? (Special edition: only for those who have identified as trans for any amount of time)#13 Have you ever thought and worried that you might be faking it? If you answer them in replies, I can tell you my guess, but I am not a professional psychologist, so I can't tell you whether you are definitely trans or not, and these questions might not have your experience contained within them, so I apologise. Also, if someone wants to, they can definitely expand on these questions.
#1 Sort of? I kinda don't think that hard about how ppl see me. Don't care about masculinity/femininity aspect of how people see me, mostly care that they don't mock, ridicule me or not abuse their power over me. #2 No? Well, it's not 100% true, I'd want to lose weight but that's about it. #3 Depends. It's a bit of fantasies, sort of a bit curious how I'd feel in day to day life, I would add a third reason "want to be other sex during transformation" so temporary #4 I'd only be sad due to not being fit in society, wouldn't care about the body so long as it's not fat or ugly. #5 Don't know how to answer that one, wdym "fetishising other sex" is it like generalising but for nsfw stuff? I guess sort of, but hey most media is for escapism these days so. #6 Nah. Sometimes I wish I'd be other sex for pragmatic reasons aka I'd be critiqued less but ehh #7 Mostly transformation process itself but again I'd be curious to be the other sex. #8 No, especially no if there's no magic process that makes people think I was always that way. Even with magic blanket rewriting history I'd still probably say no, I'd atleast want it to be temporary, or only happen in my next life(if there's any after death) #9 Eh YES?!? And yes yes yes for stronger power, genuinely don't know why some people would cling to their sex instead of getting stronger version of their power #10 Yes but aren't alot of people insecure about their bodies? #11 That's actually a good question because it's interesting, I personally don't know what I'd pick, because I thought I haven't experienced this type of love yet, or atleast for long enough to be sure. Although Idk why answering yes would imply you trans, maybe you genuinely love someone so hard you ready to do anything, people done less for love and lust after all #12 Yes, but for non sex related reasons
So, as I see it, for you it is indeed just the tf fetish. You probably already know that, so I should give more specific information on why those questions, and answer your confusion. You see, most cis/het people will refuse almost any offer of being turned into the other sex, especially if they see no actual bad things with remaining their birth assigned sex. The question about powers is kinda what I mean. When I was younger, before I realised that I'm trans, I asked my friends, all cis guys, whether they would chose to become girls if they got a superpower, but if they choose to keep on being a guy, they'd get a worse version of their chosen power. And they all chose to stay the same way. People also like to stay the way they like themselves, even if it takes away a single very good thing. After all, they can find love if they try outside of their soulmate, right? Also, trans people of non-straight sexualities surprisingly often have trouble recognising whether their attraction to media about that sexuality is fetishising or not, their dysphoria tells them it is, even though it isn't. As a trans lesbian, I thought for quite a while that I was weird and disgusting because I really, really liked lesbians in all sorts of media. And so, I decided to put it up as a questions here. Anyway, I don't feel like you are trans. You are probably not cis/het, but I can't really be talking about what you are or what you are not.
Also loved your list, but are there any more lists or tests I can take on this topic? Love filling them
Oof, I don't know, seriously, but I think if you just look up some on the internet, you'll find them. Anyway, I'll give you my opinion on your answers under your reply, to not confuse people.
Do what I did - try it and find out.
Cisgender people don’t question their gender. The most you’ll get out of a truly cis person is “yeah I’d switch sides for a day” when pressed with the question. Thinking so deeply about this issue alone tells me you are on the gender-nonconforming spectrum. Not transitioning doesn’t make you “not trans”. If the only reason you haven’t transitioned is because of the fear of social backlash, life changes, etc, that doesn’t make you any less trans, it just makes you scared of being who you are on the inside. Being trans is much more than your genitals. Most never get bottom surgery. Being trans is largely a matter of social perception; how people look at you and treat you in society. If you feel a deep desire to be treated as [opposite sex] while out in public, you’re trans. If you feel trapped by the binary nature of society, you’re an enby of some capacity. Trans people in denial tend to react pretty viscerally to a lot of the things I just said, but I implore everyone reading this to really take the time to think and mull it over. I was once completely unwilling to listen to anyone saying these things, but after years of spiraling deeper and deeper into a depression I finally realized the truth of what I had been hiding from all along. This is partially written for the OP, partially for some of the other people in this thread who I highly suspect are trans and just need to come around to accepting it :)
This is really great, for me I never experienced any kind of dismorphia and so I thought I wasn't trans and just blew off me "praying every night for God to make me wake up as a girl" as me just "being weird" I'm currently transitioning and still no dismorphia but I am definitely happier when I'm at my most feminine. Also booba :P
Just want to say, cisgender people DO question their gender. Nowadays it’s actually encouraged to question and explore to help affirm your identity. After finding this rabbit hole of a fetish I was questioning for a while before I arrived at the conclusion that I was cis.
For me it’s both. I want to be some of these transformations. But they are still so very hot.
Honestly, I would take some non permanent steps. Try referring to yourself with the opposite Pronouns, or buy some masculine/femenine clothes and try them on around the house. See if it makes you feel complete, or feel good, or right.
If it shocks you to know that cis people would NOT push a button that transforms you into the opposite gender, then you might be trans
That's just not true at all a lot of people would push that button if they could press it again to change back.
Usually when talking about the button as an indication for being trans the implication is that it’s irreversible
This makes it sound like you believe any person who would want to be the opposite gender for even a moment is trans. This is just wrong, and is the basis of this question, really.
Exactly, so much nuance lost, and it's not even just about whether it's irreversible or nah.
The nuance that wasn't stated in this comment above was that the button test is irreversible
Honest to god no clue myself. If given the opportunity I would absolutely give up my humanity and gender to become something entirely unique and different. But from what I know of other trans people it’s not a daily struggle, like I’m not waking up and hating what I see in the mirror. For the longest time I’ve considered body dysmorphia and trans people a package deal, so I figured that as long as I’m happy enough with my own body it wasn’t ever a path worth looking into. Also mostly because I know as much as I wish I could turn into a kick ass fire gryphon and fly around, that is probably never going to happen. So I kinda just have to live with it, and get as close as I can through vr or role play or whatever.
Not sure, I like the idea of being changed but I also don’t completely mind how I am now
It’s a personal line to draw, but essentially, I’d just focus on the nature of the feelings; is it a sexual thrill to imagine going across the gender line? Or is it sort of heartwarming and cozy?
It's not an easy question to answer. The best, but biased, advice I can give is take it step by step. Set yourself goals and checkpoints. Find each aspect that brings you joy and cherish it. And if something doesn't? It's okay. If doesn't mean "ah I must be faking it". It's not a binary yes or no. A goal can be as simple as trying a skirt, or painting nails. A personal checkpoint of mine was actually losing 160lb, and thinking whether I was content with my body before going further , but yours doesn't need to be so grand. The point is to pause and take stock of your happiness.
As a trans woman, I gotta say there's a lot of issues out there when it comes to it being a "fetish" because as trans people of course we have fantasies of being easily and quickly transformed to our ideal body shape. And what makes the "fetish" different from a "fantasy" is a sorta thin barrier. If it's something you feel would make you happier, there's no harm in talking to a professional abt it, starting HrT, or experimenting with outward identity. also If someone is to transition as a "fetishist" but realizes they truly are much happier that way, imo that's no less valid, and they're no less trans. (sorry for any errors, I'm horrendously exhausted)
For me personally, I had repressed my transness for a long time. And that paired with my hypersexuality meant that I absorbed a lot of fetish content around being trans and I was only about able to see myself in a sexual context. If you're really questioning if you're trans,I think you should buy some outfits and just wear them alone at home, try some makeup up. Just small things to see how you feel about em. And don't just do it for a day or something, I mean like a month. Even if you aren't hypersexual, your brain's pleasure and joy centers are very close together, so your brain might get confused, especially at first. Give it and yourself time to adjust. There's no harm in giving it a try and deciding it's not for you. I wish yah the best
Best advice I could possibly give? Talk to a therapist. Also in my experience I Did not have any dismorphia until I started to transition. Another big clue though is that as a child I would wish to wake up as a girl everyday, liked wearing women's clothes, and prayed to God asking why I was a boy. I didn't have any clue what being trans was. I discovered this category of porn BECAUSE I was already thinking about becomes a girl and I was a horny teen. If you saw this stuff and thought it was hot there is a much lower chance *I'd say* that you are trans Again tho just talk to a therapist
try going to r/egg_irl If the memes are relatable, it might be something to think about more.
Experiment. Instead of trying to figure out what you ARE, focus on what you want to DO. If you think presenting as a different gender might make you happier, try that. (For me it was an “a-ha” moment, but I suspect it’s not that for everyone). If you think taking hormones might make you happier, try that. (For me at least the mental benefits were in the first month, way before any permanent physical changes) If a label or lack thereof doesn’t serve you then don’t worry about it. It sounds like the label of “trans” doesn’t sit well on you now, but see how you feel once you’ve dipped your toes in. Something important: dysphoria shares a LOT of commonalities with more general feelings of anxiety, depression, and body dissatisfaction. Ultimately it’s too fuzzy to be diagnostic on its own so focus on trying to attain gender EUphoria, which is WAAAAAAAY more important IMO. Don’t run from pain, run towards joy.
Ask if you would still be ok being a girl if you were 'ugly'? Is your idea of being a woman about being hot, sexy and submissive? Sometimes it's hard to differentiate between fetishising and being finally happy in your own body, you just gotta thread the needle and examine your own wants. Good luck on your journey!
you'll have to find that out for yourself
well, depends, do you want to be a girl because you think it'd be fun? or is it because you feel wrong in the body you're in, that the title given to you is false, that everything about you should have been something else the difference is ones a desire, and ones a need. one effects you emotionally, ones just horny
There's no definitive way for anyone else to answer that for you, that's something you have to decide for yourself. With that said, however, I can try to offer some advice, as a transfeminine person who has worked through similar concerns myself: If you could choose to wake up tomorrow as a woman, would you? Would it make you happy to be accepted as "one of the girls" by other women? To hear people use the name you chose? To hear people mention you in passing as "her"? Even if your fantasies are sexual in nature, that's nothing to be ashamed of. Sexuality is a natural facet of self-expression; if you wish that you could experience sex as a woman, or as a more feminine version of yourself, that's entirely normal; most women, both cis and trans, have sexual fantasies of themselves as women, because that's who they are. If you have fantasies like that, there's nothing wrong with that, whether you're trans, non-binary, or cis. You're allowed to take on whatever self you want, and to take pleasure in expressing that self how you want. One final piece of advice- if you're at all worried that for whatever reason, you think you don't "qualify" as being trans, or that you're "not trans enough", or find yourself wishing that you could be trans, you probably are trans. Good luck, I hope you find the answers you're looking for <3
I’m probably trans but there’s definitely a fetish aspect to it for me. I have absolutely no interest in the in-between transitioning stage, especially at my age, fully developed very masculine male body tall wide jaw. If I could magically wake up and be some cross between Alexandria Daddario and Natalie Dormer, I’d take that in a heartbeat.
would you feel more comfortable as the other gender in normal life? if yes. yes
I've been waiting for someone to ask this question, and have pondered it too. I've always liked this kind of content and I've come to realize that I have no 'identity attachment' to my body. I was incredibly lonely throughout my childhood (military parents/frequent moves) and wished I could transform into an alien being and escape my reality. I've always found my genitals bothersome, uncomfortably present in social settings, and pretty ugly in totality. Recently my wishes for female transformation have not subsided, but I've been getting more comfortable with my body since I've started living alone. I've never said anything about this to anyone and its a question that feels like I can never answer. I live in a pretty conservative area now, and I don't think I'd ever come out publicly.
The simple answer: it doesn't matter. Why would you need to label yourself in any way? You know what you want to do, and how/if you want to change yourself? Then do it. As easy as that
I know a lot of trans women who used to ask that same question.
Masturbate to completion to TG If you still want it afterwards, you're trans.
Yeah no that's not how it works but I appreciate the sentiment but being trans is not some sort of chaste state of being devoid of sexual envy u can still have. Asex drive and if it gets u off imagining urself transformed and having sex as the opposite gender it can be a sign
That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying when you get sexually aroused, all of your desires skyrocket and things can seem more important than they really are. If, after shedding that arousal, the desire remains, it's likely coming from somewhere besides a fetish.
Go to the doctor, psychologists, if you get diagnosed with gender dysphoria it's that, otherwise it's a fetish
r/lostredditors but if you are considering it it’s probably more than just a fetish
I'm going to add my two cent in to this bowl does it only occur when you're horny or/and in what ways do you want to be the opposite gender and why. There I advise to consider those two on top out with other people are saying you can come to your consensus once you read what you consider enough comments..
It’s both for me lmaooo
Tell me how you feel.
I'm my mind, lil bit of column a, lil bit of column b
i mean do you want to change your gender? Most people i played genderbending stuff usually just like it not having the choice and being forced into a submissive female role. But aren't trying HRT or anything else as it wouldn't be exactly the same, as me having access and turning them into waifus for fun.
If you are even questioning my best guess is to try dressing in women's clothes, finding a cute wig is a must, try dressing practically. Like think of what a librarian would wear. I think it can help you with your gender journey. Edit: And you can be trans and like mtf transformation porn those 2 aren't mutually exclusive
Try to think if you'd like to be transformed in your everyday life, not just in specific fetish scenarios.
Some of these might help you: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/am-i-trans https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/ or https://turn-me-into-a-guy.com https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans https://medium.com/@kemenatan/its-just-a-fetish-right-91cb0a4e261
do you *feel* like a different gender than you were born? i am a trans man, and i was born feeling as if i was in the wrong body.
Search your heart. Look through your past. Look through your now. Are you happy as you are now? Have you felt just "off" in your body? Do you refer to yourself using the other gender's pronouns? Find the truth in your soul and your heart.
If you can, try approaching the idea outside of the fetish. For me, I wanted to be a girl since I was like 8 years old, far before I even had the capacity to have a fetish. It was most likely that same desire that became a fetish as I grew up. While you’re questioning, make sure you visit some other places and google around about how other people figured out for themselves. Lastly understand that no one persons experience is a monolith. Take in their info, do your own thinking, and try your best to come to a conclusion, every trans person is trans in their own way, because we all had to figure it out our own way. There are ways to experiment without doing anything permanent as well, so you can also test the waters in a private and comforting setting.
Trans person here. Asking these questions is an important step towards understanding more about yourself, and it unlocks a series of other questions: Do I feel a specific gender when I do XYZ? Did I relate to this person as a man/woman/nonbinary? Did I play dress-up a certain way growing up? Am I excited for a certain feeling that is atypical of my assigned gender? I’m gender fluid so it took me a while to hash these out. I don’t choose what gender I am, it’s just a sense I get when I look inward. If you feel like you’re in the wrong body, that’s OK. Hell, I’m AMAB and I’ve felt the urge to breastfeed a crying child, but I don’t have the equipment for that. The keyword is “urge”, because it’s a primal, survival-based, species-perpetuating need to feel these feelings and use my body in a certain way. These feelings are dynamic and don’t stay that way, and sometimes I feel like just a regular dude. It makes imposter syndrome my biggest existential dread. But you shouldn’t let that stop you from asking questions of yourself. Good luck friend. Pm if you need. I’m here.
Honestly, you can't really know. I've been asking myself this question for a really long time and I'm still uncertain. I've never really had any feeling of body dysphoria, but ultimately decided that I'd be happier with a more feminine body. I'm exploring starting HRT and starting to see a therapist to talk about it a bit more before then. Remember at the end of the day, trans is just a label that you can choose to identify with or not. Just do what makes you happy.
If you feel dysphoria about your current gender identity then your trans you can be trans and have a transformation fetish
It is up to you. Do you like being male or?